Live And Learn
by CaRpE-DiEm-seize.the.day
Summary: After the death of her brother,Bella moves to Forks,depressed,lonely & holding the whole world on her fe at a new place & school is confusing enough without falling for someone e can try to resist Mr Cullen but does she really want to. AH. Teacherward! * Story to be Continued by Markiee (link on profile)
1. Prologue

**All things Twilight belong to stephanie copyright infringement is intended**

_**My inspiration for this story was the song Live and Learn by The Cardigans. Hope you enjoy.**_

* * *

><p>1,583.51 Miles, that's how far away I had to move. I say "had to" because although I wasn't technically forced, in all honesty I didn't have much of a choice. My mother just couldn't handle having me around anymore, It was just too hard for her. I understood believe me I did, but that didn't make it any easier for me.<p>

I had to move all the way from beautiful sunny Phoenix all the way to wet and windy Forks,Washington. Needless to say it was going to suck and I wasn't happy about it.

I must admit that I was slightly angry at Renee for sending me away. I understood that after what happened it was tough for her but it was tough for me too. I was having a hard time too, I was hurting just as much as she was.

Renee couldn't see it though. She was too blind in her grief to see that after losing one child she was pushing away another one.

I wasn't happy about Renee's choice to send me away but I wasn't going to fight her on it. I knew how much it hurt her to see me everyday and the last thing I wanted to do was hurt her anymore.

So I accepted Renee's wishes and packed my bags. One small suitcase and one duffel bag.

It seemed quite sad that my whole seventeen years of existence fit into those two bags.

My whole life just packed away.

Still though I couldn't bring everything with me, some things had to be left behind mostly just rubbish, stupid, meaningless things but there were some things that were irreplaceable that I would never get back.

Things that belonged to him. He was only four months dead but yet it felt as if had been years. These last few months had been so long, so tiring. I just wanted them to be over. I knew they would probably never end, after all he was gone.

The day that he left my whole life fell apart as well as Renee's and my fathers-Charlie and I don't think that our family, if it could ever be called that, could ever be put back together, not without him.

I couldn't think about it any longer it was depressing me too much and my day was shitty enough without thinking about all the crap that had happened in the last four months.

So with that I zipped the Zip on my duffel bag and carried it out to the car where Phil and Renee were waiting to drive me to the airport. I climbed in the back seat and slammed the door behind me .

Renee looked at me sternly from the front seat. I agreed to go live with charlie but that doesn't mean I was okay with it. Slamming the door was my way of letting Renee know I was angry.

She turned around in her seat and ignored me for the rest of the drive. I wouldn't be surprised if she was drunk, that was a recurring habit lately.

Nobody spoke for the entire trip and I was fine with that. I just sat quietly and worried about moving to Forks, to Charlie. All I could do was pray that he didn't hate me as much as Renee, but if he did, I wouldn't blame him.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Ok guys...and girls this is my new story. I know there are a lot of stories similar to this one out there but I couldn't get this one out of my head so I had to write it. Please feel free to give Ideas that you feel you would like to be in the story I would love to hear them and I'll see about using them. xxxAoife.<strong>_


	2. I'm stuck on the ground

**All things Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended**

**_The song for this Chapter is Down by Jason Walker._**

* * *

><p>When I arrived at Sea-Tac airport Seatlle<em> because forks doesnt have an Airport <em>It was unsurprisingly raining adding to my crappy mood because after Renee dropping me at the airport giving me a hug and telling me that I should email, my flight was delayed for an hour.

I couldn't sleep on the plane. So I was tired, hungry and just sad. I missed home already.

I grabbed my bags from the conveyer belt and pulled them towards the exit. I stopped when I reached the doors and looked around for Charlie.

I saw him climbing out of the cruiser and walking towards me._ I forget about the cruiser for a second there._ I could clearly see it now it stuck out like a sore thumb.

I was just glad the blue and red lights weren't actually flashing.

Charlie walked up to me and took my duffle bag out of my hands and pulled me into a sort of awkward one armed limp hug. "Hey Bells!" Charlie smiled a small smile. I managed to give a small smile back. "Hi Dad".

He released me from the awkward hug and started towards the cruiser. I followed and thanked God when Charlie opened the front passanger seat, feeling thankful that I didn't have to sit in the back.

Everyone always stared at you in the back as if you were a criminal. Daniel used to have to ride in the back when we stayed with charlie for the summer when we were kids.

Charlie had a strict ladies always sat up front rule. Daniel Hated it.

Thinking about Daniel brought tears to my eyes. I missed him so much. I was trying to stop the tears from escaping when Charlie spoke. "How have you been Bells?"

I kept my eyes on my hands and didn't look at him I didn't want to lie to him but I couldn't tell Charlie the truth either. What could I say_ My brother is dead, Obviously I feel Like crap, I hate the world, I hate life, I hate myself._ Instead I just replied with " I've been fine"

"That's good." Was Charlies reply.

We didn't speak much after that neither I or Charlie were talker's but despite the silence it wasn't awkward it was relaxing, a relief that I didn't have to pretend that everything was fine.

Charlie knew aswell as I did that everything wasn't fine.

When we pulled up outside the house a flood of memories hit me. Everything still looked the same, completely unchanged since the last time I was here almost six years ago.

It was in all honesty, a little bit weird. I'd spent every summer here with Daniel when were were kids up untill we were eleven, when both Daniel and myself decided that we didn't want to come anymore.

After that Charlie used to meet us in Florida or California or wherever it was we were staying for two weeks. It had been two years since we had done that.

So it had been quite some time since I'd been back to Forks, or lived with Charlie. Despite spending my childhood here and everything being the exact same I felt as If I was in a foreign land.

Somewhere I'd never been before. Forks looked different without Daniel.

Charlie helped me pull my bags out of the trunk of the car and I trudged up the steps after Charlie with the duffle bag over my shoulder, Charlie with my suitcase.

He unlocked the door and turned to look at me.

"You must be tired, I'll show you to your room." I just nodded in reply, I didn't feel like talking.

He walked me up stairs passed the bathroom and to my room on the right, across from my room was Daniel's old room. I felt that all familiar ache starting in my chest. I quickly entered my room before I could stand and stare at his bedroom door too much.

Upon entering my room I discovered that everything was the same as it always was. The same lamp sat on the old bedside table, the walls were still painted the same Lilac colour.

The only new additions were the new purple bed clothes and and old...old computer that sat on the work desk in the corner.

I stood in the same spot looking around for a few minutes. "Well I didn't re-paint or anything because I don't know what colours you like, You still like purple don't you?" Charlie asked.

I turned to look at him "Yea purple is great." I mumbled. Charlie looked relieved.

"That's good." He said.

"Yeah." I said awkwardly.

We stood in silence for a few minutes until Charlie turned to me and said "Well I'll leave you to get settled." With that he walked out the door.

I stood for a few seconds and surveyed the room. I stared at the desk beside my bed, From where I stood I could see a photo frame. It was covered in dust so I couldn't see the picture inside it, but I knew exactly what picture it was.

I walked slowley towards it and sat on my bed facing the window. I picked it up in my hands and looked down at the dust covering it. I lifted a shakey hand and with one finger I wiped a smudge of dirt away.

I could see my brown hair through the glass. I froze not sure if I should continue, but I couldn't stop myself. I wiped the rest of the dust away with my fingers and looked intently at my hands wich were covered in dust.

I wiped my fingers on the leg of the denim jeans I was wearing and then I looked down at the photograph in my hands.

It was Daniel and me back home in Phoenix, we were about ten in the picture. It was so sunny out and I stood in my sundress while Daniel stood beside me in a pair of red shorts and a t-shirt . I had a scrape on my knee.

I couldn't see it in the photo but I remember because _I had fallen and was crying, Daniel ran over to me and gently lifted my knee and told me that he would protect me from my own clumsy feet. It made me stop crying. Daniel helped me up and I stumbled again and we both burst out in laughter_.

That's when the picture was taken my head was thrown back and I had tears in my eyes. I felt myself giggle just looking at the picture. Then I looked closely at Daniel.

He was bent at the waist laughing but he still has his hand on my arm ready to catch me if I fell again. I smiled for a second and just stared at he photo and then I suddenly couldn't hold it back any longer and the tears started pouring down my cheeks.

Sobs were wracking my whole body and I was shaking. I hadn't cried like this since I found out Daniel was dead. I had been numb the last few months but now being here in forks I couldn't pretend anymore. I couldn't hold it in, I didn't want to hold it in.

I layed down on my bed and hugged the photograph tight to my chest and sobbed. I cried for my mother and my father, I cried for having to move to Forks and leave everything behind, I cried because tomorrow was my first day at forks high and I was terrified but most of all I cried because Daniel wasn't here, he wasn't with me and I missed him so much.

I don't know how long I cried for, eventually I stopped and I was left with red,puffy eyes, a headache and that tiredness you always get after having a good cry. I looked at the clock on the bedside table it read 11:30 pm.

I didn't move I just lay there curled up with the frame clutched to my chest and let the hours drift past. Charlie checked in on me at 12:30 and I pretended to be asleep.

He only stayed for a second and then went to bed. I remained awake untill finally at 3:17 am I fell into a fitfull sleep.

* * *

><p>AN: Well hope you enjoy I'm trying to make my chapters longer but I'm finding it hard. I'll keep working on it. Thanks for reading! xxxAoife


	3. A Bad Dream

**All things Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intented.**

**Song for this chapter: A Bad Dream by Keane**

* * *

><p><em>My hands were holding the steering wheel of the car tightly. My knuckle's white from the effort. I was angry, well more annoyed. He was pissing me off. Couldn't he just shut up for five minutes.<em>

_"Shut up." I growled. Daniel laughed from the seat beside me and that just made me angrier. "I hate you." I yelled. "Your seriously the most annoying brother ever." I snapped. "yeah but you love me." Daniel laughed. "No, I really don't." i answered with venom in my voice I looked over to see him sitting in his seat with a cocky grin._

_ I was still angry but seeing him looking all smug and whispering "Yes you do, I'm your favorite brother, Your only brother. You have to love me." I couldn't help but smile. I ignored him. "I'm sorry jingle bells,come on forgive a guy." he smiled. I turned to smile at him when suddenly he screamed my name._

_Everything suddenly happened so fast as if time had sped up. I still managed to see the look on Daniel's face as the truck hit us head on. I wasn't looking at the oncoming truck. My eyes were focused solely on Daniel's face . The complete terror and fear that was etched onto his features. The panic in his eyes. _

_Time froze and I was stuck staring into Daniel's frightened eyes reflecting my own terrified features back at me. I couldn't look away, I knew what was coming but I just couldn't look away. Time began again and that pause which seemed to go on forever was gone and I was left with the Image of Daniel's head hitting the window blood and glass everywhere. There was no sound except for my blood curdling scream._

I jerked awake in my bed. Sitting up panting, holding my hand over my heart which was beating furiously in my chest. My vision was blurry from the tears that were pouring from my eyes,down my cheeks and landing on my bed covers. My entire body was shaking from the loud sobs that were being forced from my chest and throat.

I put my hand over my mouth trying to muffle the sound hoping that Charlie wouldn't hear.

"It was just a nightmare, just a nightmare, it's over, it's over." I kept repeating it in my head over and over trying to convince myself. Eventually, how long I'm not sure but eventually my sobbing stopped until I had just a few slow tears rolling down my face. I looked at the clock it read 6:55. It wasn't going to go off for another twenty minutes.

I forced myself to get up out of the bed and walked towards the bathroom on shaky legs. When I got there I switched the water on and decided to take a shower, hoping that it would stop the tears and maybe help get rid of the pounding headache I had.

Fifteen minutes later I stepped out feeling clean and less tired. My tears had stopped and my headache although still there was ten time better than before the shower.

I wrapped myself in a towel and walked towards the bathroom mirror looking at my reflection. I looked tired and my eyes were slightly red and puffy. I knew the redness would be gone by the time I got downstairs. I looked at my hair in the mirror. It was long and brown, it looked almost black because it was wet so that really made by pale white skin standout, it was in knots and tangles.

I grabbed a brush and began dragging it through the mess trying to make it look a little bit more decent. When I was finished I looked back in the mirror. I wasn't in the mood to blow dry it and I knew that it would be a frizzy mess if I just left it, it seems I was having a bad hair day.

Usually I could just let it dry and it would be fine,curly and I guess kinda pretty but not today. Today it didn't want to co-operate. I sighed grabbing a hair tied and pulling it into a messy pony tail, at this point I couldn't care less. I mean it's not like I really paid attention to my appearance very often.

I exited the bathroom still in my towel and bumped into Charlie on my way out. I blushed bright red when Charlie look down at what I was wearing he blushed a little too. "I...em..eh...sorry, sorry." he stuttered. I would have laughed if I weren't so embarrassed. "Em it's okay...yea sorry...too." I wasn't much better than him. We stood awkwardly looking at anything but each other for a minute.

"Em...I'm gonna go." I mumbled pointing in the general direction of my room and walking around Charlie as fast as possible. I heard him mumble a "Yep...you go that's...awkward..." I stumbled into my room and shut the door behind me leaning against trying to stop blushing.

God that was embarrassing. _Note to self: Bring change of clothes into bathroom next time to avoid awkward, embarrassing moments such as these._

when I finally felt I was no longer red I walked towards my suitcase on the floor beside my bed, which i never got around to packing. I zipped it open and searched through it. I grabbed my favorite pair of skinny jeans and then I pulled out the first t-shirt I found. I put them on without really paying much attention and then I walked towards the mirror.

I looked at myself. I was wearing my skinny jeans which were just plain dark weren't fancy but my bum looked good in them. I twirled around and checked it out. they were good, plus they were comfortable,next I looked at the t-shirt I wore it was a band t-shirt which were where what my wardrobe mostly consisted of. Today I was wearing a BLUE OCTOBER one it was black and blue october was written in fancy script in blue and white. It was plain but I loved it.

With that done I went I went over to my bed where my white high-top converse that I had worn yesterday lay from when I pulled them off and tossed them. I picked them up and pulled them on over my stripey socks. I tied the laces and hopped up off the bed.

I took one more glance at the mirror before grabbing my hoodie that lay on the floor before heading downstairs to get breakfast. I wasn't really hungry but I knew that I should eat. I was starting a new school, it was gonna suck and I was going to need all the energy I could get so I grabbed an apple and sat at the table I had a while before I had to leave for school.

Halfway through my apple Charlie entered the kitchen dressed in his work uniform. He walked over to the fridge and pulled out some milk before getting the cereal out of the press. I have to say I was impressed, as far as I could recall Charlie sucked at cooking, as in couldn't cook anything but it was nice to know he at least knew how to make cereal. He smiled and sat down opposite me.

"So first day huh." he asked. "Yep." I replied, I wasn't in the mood for small talk. Nobody spoke a word for a good six minutes after that and I was enjoying the silence until Charlie ruined it. "So..em..I'm gonna drive you to school, bells." I cringed at the nickname and what Charlie was saying. "Oh..No..No you don't need to do that, I can walk dad." I tried to convince him, he wasn't buying it.

"Nonsense, you don't know how to get to the school at least let me drop you off and pick you up for today and you can walk tomorrow." he stated in a tone that made it clear that he was dropping me off at least for today. There wasn't much I could do so I just agreed with him.

I stood up from the table after finishing my apple and I through the core in the trash then turned to face Charlie " I'm going to go upstairs and grab my book bag." I said walking towards the stairs. "I bought you some stuff I thought you might need, Pencils pens, notepads that sort of thing there on your computer desk." Charlie yelled when I was halfway up the stairs.

I yelled back a thanks before running up the rest of the stairs. I entered my room and walked towards the computer desk and there just like Charlie said there would be sat three notepads a box of pencils, a sketchpad, and a set of pens. Awesome I needed a new sketchpad my other one was almost full.

I picked the items up before walking over to my suitcase, pulling out my old book bag and putting everything into it. I grabbed $10 from my purse and shoved it in my front pocket of my jeans before heading downstairs where Charlie would drive me to Forks high school where I was sure I'd have a shitty day.

* * *

><p>AN: Well there you go this is the longest chapter i've written so far, so I'm getting there. Hope you enjoyed and I'd love if you reviewed :) xxxAoife


	4. The spotlight is on

**All things Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer. I own nothing**

**Song for this chapter is: Spotlight by Mutemath**

* * *

><p>It was only in the cruiser on the way to school that I started to panic, at first when Charlie offered to drive me I said no because I didn't want to sit in the car for the ten minute drive in an awkward silence. It was only while that awkward silence was going on that that I realised that Charlie was driving me to school...in the police cruiser.<p>

God help me people are going to stare. I didn't really care about what people thought or said but I didn't want any extra attention. I really, really didn't like attention. I just wanted to be left alone. God, what if Charlie turns on the lights or the sirens, please god help me.

He used to do that to me and Daniel during the summer's we stayed with him. we would be driving and he would randomly turn on the sirens and no matter where we were everyone would always turn to look at us. I was suddenly starting to really panic. I turned to Charlie with wide eyes.

"Dad, your not gonna switch on the sirens, are you?" I asked. He laughed "No, not unless there is some emergency." he kept on laughing. " I forgot how much you hate attention." he smiled. I gave a small smile back.

This was possibly the most relaxed conversation I've ever had with Charlie, despite it being a weird one. All I could do was hope that Charlie didn't feel the need that there was an emergency, therefore keeping the lights and sirens off and keeping me happy.

We didn't speak for the rest of the ride. A few minutes later we pulled into the schools car park. Students were standing around in groups talking with friends and laughing with and at each other. I felt a pang of loneliness but I pushed it back.

I turned to tell charlie goodbye and to thank him for the ride before I jumped out of the car and gave a small wave, a few people were looking,but not many.

Thank God. Charlie started to reverse and before he pulled away from the school he switched both lights and sirens on in the car. the noise of the siren was loud and shocked me, I jumped a little and then I cringed and turned around to see him pulling out of the parking lot shaking his head with laughter. Very slowly I turned back around and looked at everyone around me. Every single person in the lot was staring from where charlie's car had exited to my bright red face.

_I was going to kill Charlie when I got home._ I put my head down and kept my eyes and my well worn converse clad feet. Shuffling toward the direction I was assuming the reception office was in. I suddenly wished that I had left my hair down so that I could hide behind it. Stupid ponytail..

I reached the door to what I assumed was the office because of all the papers piled on the front desk, next to the ancient computer and on front of the skinny, blonde, mid-forties woman. Or maybe it was the sign that hung above her head that read "Reception"...who knows.

I walked forward and when I reached the desk she looked up at me with a curious expression upon her face. "Can I help you?" She asked boredly.

"Erm...yeah..I'm new I don't know where to go."

"Name?" she asked abruptly.

"Bella."

"Last name?" She asked slowly as if I was too dumb to comprehend what she was saying.

"Swan" She knew what my last name was, she knew exactly who I was, it was Forks... how many new students could there be. it's not like many students joined school one week into the first semester.

"Well here Isabella is you're schedule it has you're classes for the year, as well as you teachers and what room your class is located. Have a nice day." She replied turning away from the desk after slipping me two sheets of paper, signalling that this conversation was apparently over.

I mumbled a thanks before silently walking out the door.

I looked down at the pages in my hand, on the first was just as the reception lady had said my schedule,with class rooms and teachers. On the second sheet there was a map which showed me where the actual class rooms where.

It seems that there were two buildings both containing a number of different class rooms. My first class was Biology with Mr Varner in building two. I headed that way, following the flow of the students who were busily rushing to their first class after hearing the first bell go, not wanting to be late.I took my time, not caring if I was late, I could just tell them that I got lost.

My first class sucked I got asked to introduce myself to the class which sucked and then on my way to my seat I tripped and stumbled, everyone laughed but thankfully I didn't fall flat on my face. After I sat in my seat a guy behind me tapped me on the shoulder.

"Isabella right." he said it like a question.

"Bella." I corrected, I hated being called Isabella, it just didn't suit me.

"I'm mike." He smiled. I looked at him properly for the first time. He was average height but well toned and muscled, blonde haired, blue eyed and had a baby face that hadn't quite lost it's child hood chubbiness. He wore a football jacket with the school mascot embroidered on it..._figures he's a jock._

I stuck out my hand and shook his. He held onto my hand. "So Bella, what brings you to forks?" he asked. I panicked, _what was I going to tell him, that my mother blames me for my brothers death, so she sent me to live with my Dad...I don't think so_. "Stuff." I replied vaguely hoping he would take the hint and drop it. He didn't "What kind of stuff."

"Family stuff." I answered.

"Family stuff?" he asked._God this guy doesn't give up._

"Private stuff, that I am not comfortable talking about with you ." I answered more harshly than I meant too.I felt bad for snapping but I really didn't feel comfortable talking to him about all my problems and he wasn't taking the hint or backing off.

He held up his arms in surrender"Geez sorry, didn't mean to pry." he shrugged. _Yes he did mean to pry_."It's fine."

He sat back in his seat and didn't speak to me for the rest of the class. When the bell finally rang I lept from my seat and headed to my next class and sat alone down the back where no one bothered me. The next few classes continued like that.

When the bell for lunch rang I was nervous, I wasn't sure where I was going to sit.I walked to the cafeteria, when I entered the room I could feel a few people staring. I tried to ignore it but I just couldn't. I started towards the lunch line and halfway there I tripped on my own open shoe lace and fell flat on my face.

I could hear people laughing. I shut my eyes real tight, my head still on the floor. It was times like this that I truly wished a black hole could open below me and suck me right in. I wasn't that lucky.

I pushed myself up on my hands and eventually made it to my feet. My face was flaming as I looked around me. If people weren't staring before they definitely were now. I could still hear a few people laughing. I spun around as fast as I could and left the way I came in, without bothering to buy lunch.

Once I was safely out of the cafeteria I started walking more calmly. I knew today was bound to be crap, but come on, falling on front of the whole school, I really didn't expect that one. For the rest of lunch, I just wandered around the school. The halls were silent, I was alone and for once in the day, I felt relaxed.

That feeling ended as soon as the bell rang. I headed to my next class Art. I have to say, I kind of liked the class, I sat alone down the back, nobody talked to me, the teacher didn't make me introduce myself.

Ms Shellie was her name and she was insane...not in a bad way. Just insane like crazy, fun, free. I liked her. She was in her early thirties short blonde hair and had dark green eyes. She had a kind face, with a smile that seemed almost constant.

Everything about her made her seem approachable and made you feel comfortable. She seemed to be a ball of energy and came out with the most random things.

After me having only known her ten minutes I already knew she was single, lived alone with her cat named miss jingles. Named miss jingles because apparently her ex boyfriend bought it for her at christmas and Ms Shellie or Shellie as she told me to call her loved to sing the song jingle bells.

I should have been slightly freaked out and although I found it strange that Shellie was so open, I also found it kind of refreshing. It seemed impossible to be in a bad mood around her, she was just so nice.

None of my other classes were as exciting as art was. When English came around, I was actually looking forward to it. It was always my favorite subject and reading was my favorite thing to do.

However when I arrived to the class it turns out that the teacher I was supposed to have was out of school today and would be again tomorrow. We didn't have a substitute, instead we had a study was boring but at least I got all my homework done.

After that class nothing of importance happened and when the final bell rang. I sighed with relief glad that this day was over and that I seemed to have survived it.

* * *

><p>AN sorry about the delay...I know I'm horrible but my sister got married and I was bridesmaid so I was really busy...my apologies. I feel bad about it which is why I wrote a longer chapter for you :) Plz Plz review.


	5. Supermassive Black Hole

**_All things Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer. I own Nothing._**

**Song for this chapter: **Supermassive Black hole by Muse

* * *

><p>Charlie wasn't there too pick me up I had received a text message from him when school ended telling me that there was a robbery at a store and he wouldn't be back till late. He apologised and asked if I would be ok to walk or get the bus home.<p>

I opted for walking after I sent him a text telling him that it was fine and I'd talk to himlater, it was only a twenty minute walk and I actually enjoyed it, it was a little bit cold but thankfully it wasn't raining.

When I made it to the house..._for some reason it didn't feel right to call it home_ I was exhausted. I started dinner, I just made a quick pasta. I ate mine and put Charlies in the fridge. I wrote a note to Charlie telling him where I left his dinner and then I trudged up stairs to start my homework.

After an hour and a half I was done, I looked at the clock on my phone which read 7:19. Charlie still wasn't home. I didn't have anything else to do so I decided to un-pack my suitcase.

I pulled all of my clothes out and put them in my wardrobe, in all honesty there wasn't much. I had to leave most of my clothes back home because I just didn't think that I could wear tank-tops and shorts in Forks weather. After my clothes were un-packed I moved onto my books.

I had a good few books, but again I had to leave most of them back in phoenix. It would have taken way to many suitcases to bring them all. So I just had to choose my favorite ten. It was difficult but I had done it and I found comfort in the fact that If I ever felt the need to get more, I could always just go to a book store.

After all of my un-packing was complete I checked the clock again 8;24. I was starting to worry about Charlie. I decided to take a shower and try to take my mind off of it.I had a nice relaxing shower but afterwards Charlie still wasn't back and I had nothing to do. I wasn't in the mood to read.

I tried listening to my ipod but it just gave me a headache, so I settled for just lying there on my bed thinking. Which these days was never a good idea.

I was relieved that my first day at Forks had gone generally well. If I hadn't of fallen on my face I would have been much happier but ah well, whats done is done. Everyone mostly left me alone which was a relief.

Everyone except for that Mike guy. He was annoying a few times throughout the day I saw him looking at me and heading my way as if to talk. I always managed to sneak...or run away and avoid him. I felt bad about it but I didn't know what to say, how to answer his questions.

I couldn't talk about why I was here. Not only because it hurt to talk about but also because people would gossip and eventually the whole school would know that my mother blamed me for my brothers death. It would just bring up more questions, that I couldn't answer.

Eventually I was left thinking about Daniel. I missed him. I found myself sitting on my bed staring out my open door at Daniel's bedroom. I wanted to go in but at the same time I didn't. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to handle it, I knew I wouldn't be able to. I knew it probably looked the exact same as it always had and that's what scared me.

If I went in there everything would be the same except it wasn't. Daniel was gone and all that was left was his childhood bedroom. It brought tears to my eyes..

I sat up just thinking for most of the night. Eventually at around 12:32 charlie arrived home. I didn't go downstairs, I just sat and listened to him walk in hang up his belt, take off his boots, open the fridge, turn on the microwave and then it was mostly silence except for the sound of a fork hitting a plate every few seconds.

I climbed into bed and tried to sleep, I couldn't. A while later I heard Charlie walking up the stairs and stop outside my room.I heard the door creak open and I shut my eyes and pretended to sleep. He only stayed for a second before he left and when to his own room.

He was checking on me. Like he used to when I was a small kid. It brought tears to my eyes.

I lay awake for hours. Unable to sleep, yet feeling completely worn out and tired, eventually I fell asleep and managed to get a few hours sleep until my alarm clock awoke me from a nightmare I was having the next morning, it was the exact same as the previous night and I feared that this was going to be a reacurring problem.

I got up and like yesterday got ready, again not caring what clothes I wore. I ended up in a pair of jeans a plain long sleeved white t-shirt and my black converse.

At breakfast I managed to convince Charlie to let me walk to school. It didn't take much convincing in all honesty, Charlie was still working on that robbery and would have to be in work earlier. He left about twenty five minutes before I did.

I grabbed my bag and my ipod and started the walk to school. Fortunately is wasn't raining just cold, so I stayed dry. It only took me about twenty minutes to arrive at school on time. I was happy with myself I'd walked all the way here without falling or getting hit by any cars. For me it seemed like a miracle.

I chuckled to myself as I headed towards first class. Upon arriving I stopped my chuckling as I

realised that Mike was sitting in the same spot as yesterday, behind my table.

I walked towards the table, dreading it all the way. When I finally reached the table and sat down Mike had a huge smile on his face.

"Hi Bella." He waved as if he hadn't seen me in years.

"Hey Mike.." I mumbled.

"So how was your first day, yesterday?"

"emm..Good, okay I guess."

"Good,Good." He was sweating and he looked nervous.

"Are you ok?" I asked slightly worried.

"Oh, yeah yeah, great, i'm great." he rushed.

"...Ok.."

He opened his mouth and was just about to ask me something when Mr Varner walked in. I couldn't have been more thankful. Throughout the rest of the day I tried to avoid Mike as much as I could. When the last three classes came and it was time for English, I couldn't wait I had brought a book with me to read, for the free period.

When I entered the class I was disgruntled to see that Mike also had this class, I hadn't seen him Yesterday. He was sitting next to some light brown haired girl, who seemed to be throwing herself at him. Her fingers were trailing up his arm._ Thank God he has a girlfriend, now he could leave me alone._

When I walked past his desk he smiled and waved, I gave a small wave back and tried to ignore the glares that Mikes girlfriend was throwing my way. _Awkward._

I sat down in my seat and pulled out my book, avoiding looking at mike or anyone else at all costs. When I pulled out the book a folded slip of paper fell out of it's pages and onto the floor.

I bent down and picked it up then looked at it curiously. I unfolded it only to discover that it was my class schedule that I had shoved in the bottom of my bag yesterday, I guess it just got caught in between the pages of my book. I looked down at it curiously and was eventually led to the class I was in now. **English - **

I guess Mr Gerrard was the teacher I was supposed to have, he must be sick or something. I wonder if he was any good. I hoped so, English was my favorite class.

I was interrupted from my thoughts by the noise of the class room door opening and hearing a shushing noise.

I looked up when I heard it and I saw Principle Greene walk in through the stopped talking. He cleared his throat before he spoke.  
>"Well as you know Mr Gerrard isn't well erm isn't well at all actually and I'm afraid he is unable to continue teaching at this school."<p>

"Did he have a mental break down." one of the students snickered from the back of the class a few people laughed.  
>"No, He did not and stop making idiotic comments, do you want a detention Mr Stevens?" principle Greene replied, he was turning red.<br>"No sir." the student mumbled from the back.

"Well, as I said before Mr Gerrard will not be returning to work, so I have arranged for a new teacher to take over his classes." It was only then that I noticed someone standing behind Principle Greene, I couldn't see him properly.

Mr Greene pointed behind himself" This is Mr Cullen, Your new English teacher for the year." With that Mr cullen stepped out from behind principle greene.

I gasped at what I saw, he was gorgeous. I'm pretty sure it looked like I was catching flies, my mouth was that wide open. I couldn't help it the second I saw him my jaw dropped.

He was tall maybe 6'2 or 6'3, and well built, slightly muscular but not overly so. I looked at him from top to bottom. He had bronze coloured hair and when the sun shone on it I could see strands of blondie, brown. he was pale as if he hadn't seen much sun, it suited him.

His had a strong jaw line that can only be described as being sculpted by a God, and lips that were slightly plump. He wore a baby blue shirt rolled up at the sleeves with a pair of dark denim jeans, with surprisingly a pair of white converse. He was a God, literally everything about him seemed perfect, beautiful. What I had seen was nothing compared to his eyes.

They were a striking emerald green, I had never seen a pair of eyes with such a unique colour before.  
>The God wasn't looking at me like I was looking at him. He was looking at the whole class in general.<p>

He turned to Principle Greene." Thank you Mr greene, he said with a smile. God even his voice was perfect like Honey. What the hell is wrong with you bella, that is your teacher, stop thinking like that.

I shook my head to clear it. I knew I was right, I needed to stop thinking like that, yeah sure he was good looking...very,very,very good looking but that's beside the point he was older and my teacher. It was understandable that I would find him attractive, i'm sure half the girls in the room felt the same way,maybe even a few of the guys.

I looked around the room and searched everyone's face for a reaction, every single girl in the room was staring open mouthed at Mr Cullen. Huh I don't feel so bad about it anymore. I smiled to myself but pulled my attention back to Mr Cullen when I heard him speak.

"Okay." he said clapping his hands together as Principle Greene walked out the class room door, leaving Mr Cullen alone with a class of 30 students half of which were girls that were drooling, I felt a little sorry for him. He seemed relaxed though as if he couldn't see all the girls that were mentally undressing him.

"So I'm Mr Cullen." he said walking towards his desk and sitting on the edge of it and looking out at us all. He smiled "Hi" he waved we all returned a "hey" back at him.

"So there isn't much time left in this class and I don't think it would make any sense to start anything new yet." he said to us all.

"I obviously don't know any of you so why don't we spend the rest of the class getting to know each other and we can get to the boring school stuff tomorrow." The class laughed in response.

"Who wants to go first?" he asked. No one in the class spoke, I looked around at everyone and they all seemed reluctant to talk.

"Oh I see how in going to be." he laughed. "Okay, Okay I'll go first." he smiled. He had the whole classes complete attention, the girls because he was completely gorgeous and not one of them wanted to take their eyes off them and the guys probably because they will still sizing him up.

"I'm Edward, Originally from Chicago, and I'm your English teacher, Okay your turn,Go!" he said pointing at a random student at the front.

"I'm Jessica, and I love shopping." She smiled, I noticed that she was the one throwing herself at Mike. "Good, next." Edward, I mean Mr Cullen ordered.

"I'm Lauren and I'm head Cheerleader." a blonde from the front row practically purred at him. He didn't comment, just looked to the next person silently telling them it was their turn.

And so it went from one person to the next and the closer it got to me the more I panicked. What was I going to say Hi I'm Bella, My brother is dead, or I have no friends, My mom hates me, My father is the Cheif of Police. Each one sounded worse than the first. I was panicking and still hadn't come up with an answer when I realised that I was next.

_Crap crap crap crap crap._  
>"Hi I'm Angela and I love photography" the girl beside me answered and then it was my turn and when I didn't answer right away the whole class turned to look at me including Mr Cullen.<p>

_Shit shit shit shit shit, Come on Bella think of something fast._  
>I was panicking so I just blurted out the first thing that came to mind.<br>"I'm Bella and I'm new." everyone continued to stare. "Here...in Forks...I'm new here in Forks." I finished. _God could I be any lamer...the answer no, no I couldn't._

I was blushing and seriously felt like I was going to be sick. Mr Cullen just smiled and moved on to the next person. I buried my still flaming face into my arms on the desk and remained that way for the rest of the class. What I wouldn't do to be sucked into a massive black whole right this second.

* * *

><p>When the bell finally rang, I felt more relieved than I ever had in my entire life. I lept from my seat and tried to shove my things into my bag so I could be the first out. Of course being me that didn't work and I ended up knocking my bag of the table the entire contents flying everywhere.<p>

I waited till the last few students were gone so that I could clean it up safely without the risk of being stepped on.

I got down on my knees and started shoving the items back into my room was silent. When it looked like I had collected everything I stood back up and spun around to head out the door only to come face to face with Mr Cullen.

"Here you go." he said handing me my apple that must have rolled across the room. I tentatively reached up to take the apple from his hands.

I looked up at his face after I had it safely tucked into my bag. "Thank you" I mumbled embarrassed. I looked away from him and was just about to start walking towards the door when he called my name. I looked up at his face right into his eyes. The were even more shocking up close. They seemed even greener, if that was possible.

"Bella isn't it." he asked. I nodded yes. " so you just moved here did you?" he asked although he already knew the answer. "Yes" I answered

"Where from." he asked.  
>"Phoenix"<br>"Oh well that must be a big change, I bet you miss home." he asked.  
>"yeah I guess." I shrugged.<em>I missed it more than he knew.<em>

"I know moving can be tough, I moved to seattle to go to college and then I moved up here. I guess I'm lucky though, my sister and her husband live here and my mother and father have a house here, they are coming up in a couple of weeks for a while." he smile

"That's good, I live with my Dad, I just moved here a couple of days ago but before that I hadn't been here in years." It was weird I felt at ease talking to him, like I was talking to a friend rather than a teacher.  
>"You'll get used to it eventually, I promise." He smiled and I managed a small smile in return. I didn't think I'd ever get used to my life here.<p>

The bell rang then making me jump he chuckled. "I better go." I said walking away.  
>"I'll see you tomorrow Bella." he called.<br>"Bye Mr Cullen." were my parting words before I practically ran from the room.

What the hell was that I hadn't talked to anyone for more than two minutes since I'd arrived but I just spent the last six minutes talking to My English teacher and the worst part is I haven't felt that comfortable talking to someone in a long time.

I had to admit it felt good to talk to someone. Mr Cullen seemed like a really nice guy, it seemed as if he really cared about his student's he wasn't like most teachers...he wasn't like most people.

* * *

><p>AN: Ok so here is the next chapter. I wasn't exactly sure what way I wanted this story to go, a friend of mine made a few suggestions and I've taken them on board. So here you go and I also hoped you noticed that this chapter is much longer yay!

I would love if you give me a review plz.


	6. That I might one day rue

**All things Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer, On Raglan Road belongs to Patrick Kavanagh. No Copyright infringement is intended.**

_**Song:**_ On Raglan Road by Van Morrison.

* * *

><p>When I got home from school charlie wasn't there. I noticed a note stuck to the refrigerator.<p>

_**Bella,**_

_**won't be home from work until 6:30. I'll get something to eat, I left money on the counter for you to get dinner.**_

_**Charlie.**_

_Ok guess I don't need to make dinner tonight._ I sighed wondering what I was going to do. I only had a small amount of homework so I decided to get that out of the way. When I was finished I ordered a pizza from one of the many menus that Charlie had in one of the drawers in the kitchen.

I watched tv until it arrived, after finishing the pizza I went up stairs and decided to read for a while. I was two pages in when I heard the front door open.

"Bella?" Charlie yelled from downstairs.

"Yeah, I'm upstairs."

"Okay." I heard him say in a normal tone, no more yelling.

A few minutes later I heard the television switch on downstairs. I tried to refocus on the book in my hands but I soon realised that I was no longer interested in reading. I sat the book on the floor and lay down on my back on the bed. I lay still doing nothing for a few minutes until my mind started to drift.

I was surprised to fin that it drifted to Mr Cullen. I didn't understand exactly what happened. The moment he started to talk in the classroom today everyone knew he was different, unlike the rest of the teachers, maybe it was because he was so much younger.

I always got along well with my teachers, I was a good student, quiet,polite,slightly intelligent. I done my work and I didn't disrupt the class. Teachers always liked me, they were kind but not like Mr Cullen was.

They never went out of their way to get to know me or ask if I was okay or to reassure me. I could never talk to them with as much ease as I had with Mr cullen. In all honesty I hadn't talked to much people like I had with Mr Cullen.

I was a shy person,I wouldn't start a conversation with someone, they would have to speak first. It's how I've always been. I didn't know Mr Cullen at all and yet I had talked to him, told him things that I hadn't told anyone else since I had arrived in Forks.

Mr Cullen was...I'm not sure exactly what he was, different maybe. I didn't know anything about him and yet I felt like I could trust him. It was weird

I dosed of early, before Charlie went to bed. I guess the sleepless nights had finally caught up with me. I was hoping that I was so tired that I would have a dreamless sleep. It didn't work out that way.

_It was a different dream than the last few nights. This time I wasn't in the Car with Daniel._

_We were at home in Phoenix, sitting on the couch in the living room watching a movie. I sat beside Daniel. I turned to look at him and he smiled at me. I turned my attention back to the movie. Watching the characters sing and dance. I recognised the movie, I knew I had seen it before but I couldn't remember what it was called._

_"Daniel, whats the name of this movie again?" I asked turning my head towards Daniel. I froze at what I saw. He sat staring at me eyes wide with fear. A trickle of blood rolled down his forehead onto his face. He didn't try to wipe it away he just sat staring at me._

_"Daniel.." I whispered. I didn't know what to do. Suddenly small cuts started to appear on his face. They appeared out of nowhere as if some invisible force was cutting him right on front of my eyes only I couldn't see them or stop them._

_Daniel opened his mouth and spoke the words "Help Me." except no sound came out it was as if he had lost his voice. I started to panic_

_"DANIEL!" I screamed._

I awoke with a fright my heart pounding in my chest, covered in sweat.I didn't cry. I looked over at the clock on my side table it read 04:37 am. _So much for a dreamless sleep._

I pushed the blankets off my legs and stood up from the bed and headed towards the bathroom to shower, hoping the water would some how wash the nightmare from my memory.

Breakfast just seemed to be the most awkward part of my day. It usually consisted of awkward silence or awkward small talk, both of which were well...awkward. I can't really blame Charlie it wasn't his fault.

The problem was we were too alike, we didn't talk much and when in the same room alone with one another we both remained quiet but attempted to talk. it didn't work.

So it was a relief when It came the time to leave for school, I practically ran out the door shouting a goodbye behind me. I sighed with relief, to finally be on my way to school.

I was excited, which is completely weird for me, I could try and tell myself that the reason for my excitement was the beautiful opportunity to meet new people or learn new things, but that is complete bull crap. I knew exactly why I couldn't wait to get to school...Mr Cullen.

I knew it was bad that I wanted to see him and I kept telling myself that my excitement was because I was interested in his class and what he was going to teach. I wasn't really falling for it.

Nothing much happened throughout the day, I avoided Mike and now his girlfriend Jessica because it seems that after yesterday she really didn't like me. Everytime I passed her in the hallway she gave me the stink eye.

Everything was the same as the last few days except for one thing. I was sitting in miss Shellie's Art class and this girl named Angela sat beside me. I had seen her all week, but we had not spoken.

We talked for the entire class. She seemed so friendly. She was tall, thin and had straight shoulder length brown hair and a heart shaped face.

She didn't ask why I moved or anything too personal, we simply talked about books,school,music, movies and I enjoyed it. After the class she asked if I wanted to eat lunch with her and I said yes.

It was nice of her to invite me to her table and it would be rude to refuse but more importantly I wanted to sit with her. I liked Angela.

We sat at a table near the back of the a round table with six chairs. it was just me Angela and her boyfriend Ben who seemed just as kind as Angela. I thought it would be weird sitting with them that maybe I'd feel a bit left out like a loner, the third wheel but Angela made sure to include me.

"So have you joined any school clubs yet Bella?" Angela asked fro across the table.

"Erm...No, Clubs aren't really my thing." I smiled. "Are you in any clubs?"

"Yeah, I'm in the Photography club." She smiled.

"Oh well that explains the camera." I smiled pointing to the camera that hung around Angela's neck. I don't know much about camera's but I could tell that her's seemed expensive.

"Oh this thing is my baby." She laughed picking up her camera and waving it around.

"I have it with me all the time you never know when the perfect photo opportunity may arise! Seriously though you should consider joining a club, what do you like to do in your free time?"

"Oh not much really, I draw a little, but I haven't done that in a long time, I mostly just listen to music or read." I shrugged.

"Do you play any instruments?"

" A little piano, but I'm not very good." I laughed thinking of how my mother had heard Debussy on the Radio one morning when I was eight and she forced me and Daniel to take lessons, we both hated it.

I managed to stick it out longer than Daniel, he lasted three weeks, I lasted just under a year.

"Well we don't have any clubs you would like other than a book club." She said.

"Yeah I prefer to read alone! besides I'm not sure I'll have much free time I'm thinking about getting an after School job." I offered.

"Oh really I heard the local library, is looking for new staff." She said excitedly.

" Really?" I asked.

"Yeah, I mean it's small, and there isn't much in it but if you like to read, Maybe you should check it out."

"Yeah, I think I will actually. Thanks Angela!" I gave her a genuine smile just as the bell rang.

I was happier than I've been in a while. I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face as I walked from the cafeteria.

When English arrived I stopped outside of the class room door out of view. My hands were sweating and my heart was racing in my chest. I wiped my hands on my jeans and laughed at myself before entering the class room.

I walked past his desk trying and failing not to stare. He was bent over his desk rummaging through his brief case he looked up when I walked passed him and we locked eyes.

I smiled a nervous smile and he gave me a crooked grin in return, My heart melted _could I be more pathetic_. I continued walking and staring at him and it was going great until my stupid foot got caught on the leg of Mr Cullens stupid desk.

I tripped and fell flat on my face, on front of the entire class...and Mr Cullen. I could hear people laughing in the backround.

And I felt my face burning red, it felt like it was on fire. I wanted to die right there. I was still on the floor when I felt someone touch my back and kneel down beside me.

"Are you okay." A sweet honey unbelievable God like voice asked from beside me. I wanted to die even more than I did before._Could this get any worse._

"I'm fine" I groaned out, pushing myself up with my hands so that I was sitting on the floor rather than lying on it. I pushed my hair from my face.

I looked up at Mr Cullen realising how close he was we were practically face to face, I could smell him from were I was, he smelt like honey and fresh cut grass. I inhaled as much as I could without looking like I was some weirdo who sniffed people.

I pushed down on my hands pulling myself up from the floor. Mr Cullen placed his hand on my arm to help me up. When I was standing he asked again if I was okay.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine..perfect, happens all the time." I rushed out becoming even redder. The snickers in the backround became louder.

"Your sure." Mr Cullen asked looking concerned I noticed that he was still holding onto my arm.

"Yeah i'm good." I mumbled.

"Okay." he said releasing my arm. I felt like I had lost something as if something was missing as soon as he let go of my arm. It still tingled. I turned away from him and started to walk towards my seat at the back.

Everyone was still snickering and the blonde who sat at the front, Lauren said "Watch you don't trip." as I walked passed her, that started everyone into another round of laughter. _God..Put me out of my misery._

I was contemplating turning around and leaving the classroom but before I could Mr Cullen yelled. "QUIET, NOW!"

Everyone stopped laughing and I turned to see him string at Lauren and the class looking extremely angry.

I reached my table without any more mishaps and took my seat. I sat at the table and put my head on my arms to cover my still red face.

Angela whispered from the seat beside me "Bella are you okay?"

"Yeah Angela I'm fine, really." I mumbled.

"Okay on to work, everyone." Mr Cullen said in a much calmer tone than before.

" There is a set course that I must teach you and what usually happens is that all the english teachers get together and choose, what they are going to teach and when they will teach it, but I think that is completely and utterly boring, nobody want's to do the same as everyone else especially me so, I decided to do things my way.

while the other teacher's focus on their play, a Shakespeare one, I decided to do poetry, for the people that like poetry,Yay, for those that don't though luck,get over it." everyone laughed.

I lifted my head up from my arms and looked at Mr Cullen, he was sitting on the edge of his desk looking out at the class, completely relaxed.

I liked poetry and I couldn't wait to see what he had for us.

He stood from his desk and picked up a pile of sheets.

"Oh and one more thing, feel free to call me Edward if you like, whichever you are more comfortable with I don't mind, just don't call me Eddie, or you will be receiving F's for the rest of the year." Everyone laughed again as he walked towards the front row and started handing out the sheets of paper.

When he reached my desk he smiled as he placed the sheet down on front of me and I blushed. When he walked away towards another desk I looked down at the sheet of paper and smiled.

There on the A4 page on my desk sat the poem _On Raglan Road_ by Patrick Kavanagh. I couldn't stop the smile that was on my face, Kavanagh was one of my favorite poets, I loved his poetry.

And _On Raglan Road_ was one of my favorite poems.

I was still smiling like a maniac, I hadn't smiled this much in I don't know how long.I looked up at Edward..Mr Cullen only to see him standing at the front of the class looking at me. I blushed and looked away. I focused intently on the poem on front of me.

**On Raglan Road.**

_**On Raglan Road on an autumn day I met her first and**_

_**Knew**_

_**That her dark hair would weave a snare that I might**_

_**one day rue;**_

_**I saw the danger, yet I walked along the enchanted way,**_

_**And I said, let grief be a fallen leaf at the dawning of**_

_**the day.**_

_**On Grafton Street in November we tripped lightly along**_

_**the ledge**_

_**Of the deep ravine where can be seen the worth of**_

_**passion's pledge,**_

_**This Queen of Hearts still making tarts and I not making hay-**_

_**O I loved too much an by such by such is happiness**_

_**thrown away.**_

_**I gave her gifts of the mind I gave her the secret sign**_

_**that's known**_

_**To the artists who have known true gods of sound**_

_**and stone**_

_**And word and tint. I did not stint for I gave her poems**_

_**to say**_

_**With her own name there and her own dark hair like**_

_**clouds over fields of May.**_

_**On a quiet street where old ghosts meet I see her walking**_

_**now.**_

_**Away from me so hurriedly my reason must allow**_

_**That I had wooed not as I should a creature made of**_

_**clay-**_

_**When the angel woos the clay he'd lose his wings at the**_

_**dawn of day.**_

"Has anybody read this poem before" Mr Cullen asked looking out at the class. I was the only one who raised my hand.

"Well, has anyone ever heard of Patrick Kavanagh?" Three people raised their hands he nodded to a boy at the front with his hand raised.

"He was a poet, wasn't he?"

"He was indeed a poet, an Irish one,a very famous poet." he smiled at the class.

"Can anybody tell me anything else about Kavanagh?" he asked, nobody raised their hand.

I knew lot's about Kavanagh but I really didn't want to raise my hand and draw attention to myself. My plan was to shut up and keep quiet however than plan fell to pieces as soon as Mr Cullen looked at me.

He had a look in his eyes that said - _I know, you know something else about him._ It was almost as if he knew I loved this poem, maybe he did, I didn't know but what I did know was that he knew something and he expected me to answer his question._Crap_!

He was still looking at me.

"Patrick Kavanagh was as you said an Irish Poet, and also a farmer,born in Dublin in 1904 and died in 1967 .Most of the poems he wrote were usually about real things that he had experienced and he is most well known for his use of evocative imagery."

I felt like a text book _God Daniel would be laughing at me so much right now._

Mr Cullen however was smiling.

"Good, you are completely correct, for those in the class who do not know what evocative imagery means, please explain." he asked me with a smile.

I took a deep breath.

"It's when reading the poem his words automatically conjure up an image in your mind like "On a quiet street where old ghosts meet I see her walking

now." While reading those lines you can almost see a woman walking along a quiet street. His words have the power to allow the reader to see and understand what he is trying to say. He allows you to feel as if you were there seeing it."

"Again correct ms Swan." he smiled.

" I want everyone to spend five minutes reading over the poem and then tell me what it is about." He said looking over at the class. He was once again sitting on the edge of his desk.

I didn't need to read over the poem, I already knew exactly what it was about but I looked over it anyway. I didn't want Edward to think I was bored by his class because on the contrary I was intrigrued.

Eventually he spoke again.

"Okay so can anyone tell me what are the themes of this poem?" he asked the class.

"Love" a girl from the front said.

"Yes" Mr Cullen nodded to her with a smile.

"Anything else."

"Loss of love." A guy from the front row eric I think his name was.

"Very good. anything else?"

"The past." A blonde haired girl said.

"Yes it's all of these but there is one theme in particular that I'm looking for does anyone know what it is?" he asked the class.

Nobody said anything. Just as Mr Cullen opened his mouth to tell us the answer I spoke up.

"...Regret?.." I asked it more like a question, unsure if this was the answer he was looking for.

"Yes, exactly...REGRET!" he beamed at me.

"How do we know this poem is about regret?" he asked me.

"Well in the first verse"That her dark hair would weave a snare that I might

one day rue;" The word rue means regret."

"Very good, it does mean regret and we also see in the last verse "Away from me so hurriedly my reason must allow

That I had wooed not as I should a creature made of

clay-" we see again that he realises and regrets that he had not wooed as as he should. He realises that she is only human and not an Angel or Godly thing he thought she was.

In the last lines we see a bit of his ego "When the angel woos the clay he'd lose his wings at the dawn of day." He is calling himself an Angel and her only a mere mortal he is implying that he realised that she was not perfect and that it was her fault that he " Lost his wings" or lost his ability to write poetry for a while. He believed that she was inferior to him."

I was completely fascinated with his speech and I couldn't help but stare his views and ideas were amazing and so insightful. It blew my mind.

"Ok great work everyone for homework I want you to choose your favorite lines from the poem. Explain what they mean, talk about weither it contains rhyme, the language, imagery and lastly why those line are your favorite and I also want you to do the same with the lines you like the least.

I want that done for tomorrow, have a good day." just as he finished speaking the bell signalling the end of class rang. I took my sheet and carefully folded it before putting it between the pages of my book and packing up my bag.

Angela and I were the last two left in the class she stood waiting for me to finish packing up. I noticed Mr Cullen sitting behind his desk looking over some papers out of the corner of my eye.

I zipped my bag closed and slung it over my shoulder.

"Wow Bella, I guess you really do like to read!" Angela laughed from beside me.

"What do you mean?" I asked confused.

"Erm Hello! do you not remember what just happened in this class, you were on fire!" she giggled.

I laughed and shrugged.

"No seriously you knew like everything, and I know you knew more than you said, how did you know all that stuff?" she asked

I blushed.

" Like you said I read a lot and I love poetry, Patrick Kavanagh is one of my favorite Poets, that's one of my favorite poems and it helps that it was turned into a song and sung by Van morrison my all time favorite singer. It was just pure luck that Mr Cullen chose that poem, he could have chosen any other and I most likely would not have known it as well as that one." I shrugged again.

"So basically you love everything about that poem" she laughed.

"Well not everything...Just most of it." I blushed.

I realised that we had stopped walking and were standing at the door of the class room. I heard a throat clear and jumped completely forgetting that Mr Cullen was sitting at his desk within hearing distance. I turned around to see him staring at me with a smile.

I blushed.

"You girls better hurry or you'll be late for your next class."

"Okay" Angela said before leaving the classroom just before I exited the room Mr Cullen called out.

"Good class today Bella!" he was smiling. I stopped and mumbled a thanks before rushing out of the class my face even redder than before.

While walking home that day I decided two things. One, that I was going to apply for that job at the library and Two, that "On Raglan Road" was most definitely one of my most favorite poems ever to be written. If Kavanagh were still alive I would have sent him a gift basket.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** I cannot say how sorry I am for the late update. My computer crashed. I managed to fix it but it crashed while I was at the end of writing this chapter so I lost everything. So again sorry and as a "_Please forgive me" _Gift here is my longest chapter ever. Hope you enjoy. Please review.

P.s if your not a fan of Vans version of "On Raglan Road" I suggest you try the original version by Luke Kelly. xxx Aoife


	7. Claire de Lune

**All things Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

_**Song for this chapter:**_ Claire de Lune by Debussy. (All you Twi fans know it)

* * *

><p>After getting home to an empty house again, I made pasta for dinner and late a plate in the refrigerator for Charlie. Once my stomach was full I decided to do my homework. I left my english till last and after spending just over an hour and a half on my other homework I gladly pulled the sheet with <em>On Raglan Road<em> out from the middle of one of my books.

I grabbed an A4 pad and a pen and started to write. I knew exactly which line was my favorite and which ones I liked least and it only took me ten minutes to finish the assignment. I couldn't wait to hand it in. _God I'm such a loser, actually excited to hand in a piece of homework._

I laughed at myself I couldn't deny that it had more to do with **who** I was handing the assignment over to rather than the actual assignment itself. Either way I was still a loser.

I needed to get over this whole Mr Cullen thing. It was just a stupid crush that's right a crush it would pass eventually just like my past crushes. I eventually got over My Johnny Depp and David Boreanez infatuation.

So maybe there werent exactly the same. I couldn't deny that Mr Cullen was way better looking than Johnny and David. I mean that hair and those lips and eyes and that Jaw god that jaw, you could cut glass on it..._Damn it I am so totally and utterly screwed._

Charlie didn't arrive home too late that night. I was sitting in bed reading my book of Patrick Kavanagh poems- _Yes I know i'm pathetic_ when I heard him come in.

I didn't leave my spot from my bed, I could hear him opening the refrigerator and then the microwave about fifteens minutes later I heard his steps up the stairs.

This is the way it's been the last few nights he came home, ate and went straight to bed. The fact that he wasn't staying up to watch any games on the television showed me just how exhausted Charlie really was. I guess these early mornings and late nights at work were taking it's toll. I was worried about him.

He popped his head in the door and looked surprised to find me awake.

"OH!...em Hi Bells, just checking in, everything Okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine dad, just reading." I said waving my book in the air to prove my point.

"Okay well, I'll let you get back to it." He smiled tiredly.

"Okay!...hey Dad, Are you okay?" I asked concerned.

"Yeah just tired, I'll see you tomorrow, I'm in late to work tomorrow." he answered.

"That's good, goodnight Ch..Dad." I smiled awkwardly.

With that he closed the door and I listened as his footsteps walked across the hall and stopped. I knew that he was probably standing outside of Daniel's bedroom. It seemed like he did this a lot. A few minutes later I heard his footsteps retreating back down the hall to his bedroom.

I had yet to go into Daniel's room, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I looked around my room and noticed my sketchpad sitting on my desk next to my computer. There were no sketches in it.

I haven't drawn in a few months, I just haven't been able too for some reason. I've tried believe me but every time I put the pencil to the page nothing would come and if it did and I did manage to draw something it was usually pretty bad which resulted in me throwing it in the trash.

It sucked because drawing was one of the things I was actually good at, it used to be effortless, there was a time that I always had a sketchpad in my hand, I was constantly drawing but lately it just seemed as If I'd lost my inspiration, my muse. I was in a funk a drawer's block if you will and I didn't no how I was going to get out of it.

With a frustrated sigh I put down my book and got under the covers of my bed, trying to fall asleep, knowing that in a few hours I would be awoken by another nightmare.

At 4.30 am just as suspected I awoke from another nightmare. it seemed that these nightmares were becoming part of my daily routine, which can I say totally sucked.

My day at school was normal, meaning completely and utterly boring. It wasn't until English class came around that I became more...energetic and excited. In all honesty the lack of sleep was getting to me and despite feeling more energetic than I had all day, I struggled to stay awake.

The last thing I wanted was to fall asleep and drool all over my desk in front of Edward, so not attractive. I was just so tired. it was nearing the end of the day and I was just so worn out.

I didn't want to fall asleep. So during the class as Edward asked people to read out bits of their homework, I concentrated solely on staying awake. I was doing well if I do say so myself.

The only problem was that I was concentrating so hard on keeping my eyes open that I failed to pay attention to anything that was being said. Listening to Edwards voice made it harder to stay awake.

Not because he was boring but because his soft velvet voice seemed as if it were made to relax me, thereby causing me to fall asleep. I just couldn't keep my eyes open. I told myself that if I just shut them for a minute, then I'd be fine so I gave into temptation and allowed my eyes to close.

The next thing I knew I was being shaken awake. I jumped in my seat with a start. As I looked up to see who had woken me I almost died right there on the spot, I wanted to die because standing right on front of me was Edward Cullen looking really annoyed.

I blushed the deepest red of my entire life and subtly wiped the corner of my mouth with my hand praying that I was at least drool free, I was..thankfully.

"Am I boring you Miss Swan?" Edward asked clearly annoyed. I'd never seen him so pissed off, as I looked into his eyes I could see all of his emotions, annoyance, anger and something else...hurt maybe, but that made no sense. So I knew I must have been reading him wrong, why would he feel hurt?

"I..I..I'm, No, No I'm not bored." I stuttered out panicked.  
>He raised an eyebrow as if to say "Really... are you kidding me"<p>

"The fact that you have been asleep for the last ten minutes tells me differently, Miss Swan."

"Erm..No, no I, I wasn't...asleep." I tried to cover. He clearly wasn't buying it.

"Really? so what was I just saying to the class?" he asked obviously knowing I wasn't able to answer.  
>There was no point trying to make something up that wouldn't work and I obviously hadn't heard one word he had said for the entire class so I kept my mouth shut.<p>

"Exactly" Was all he said.

"Detention after school today Miss swan." he said.

"Yes sir...I'm sorry." I mumbled as he walked away towards his desk. I felt like such an idiot. Falling asleep in the middle of class. Worse than that I felt extremely guilty that I had fallen asleep in Mr Cullen's class.

He seemed really upset, I couldn't blame him, Had I been in his shoes I would have been upset as well. He probably thought I didn't like the class, that I found i boring, that couldn't have been further from the truth.

I kept quiet and awake for the rest of the class and when the bell finally rang I practically ran from the room with my head down, not looking at anyone, especially Edward.

when the school day finally ended I couldn't express how exhausted I was and I still had to go to detention. On my way there I stopped in the bathroom and after doing my business I went to the sink, washed my hands and then glanced at myself in the mirror.

What I saw there made me freeze. I looked like crap, my skin was paler than usual, my eyes bloodshot from the strain of trying to keep them open. I had large dark circles under my eyes from a lack of sleep.

I looked so exhausted. I was slumped over as if I was too tired to hold my shoulders up. I grabbed a fist full of water and splashed it on my face in hopes that it might wake me up a bit. It didn't really do anything.

I ran my fingers through my hair and forced myself to stand up straight there was no way I could go to detention with Edward looking like I did. I looked slightly better but I still looked terrible with a sigh I exited the bathroom and walked towards Mr Cullen's room.

When I arrived it was awkward to say the least I entered the room to find him sitting behind his desk reading a book, I wasn't able to see the title. I was so focused on him that I tripped over the door frame, fortunately I didn't fall...this time. However my trip alerted Edward that I was there.

I stood awkwardly for a minute just staring at him until he broke the silence.

"Ah, Miss swan take a seat." He said pointing to the row of chairs closest to his desk.

Once I was sitting down I looked up at him he was staring at me. He no longer looked angry or annoyed his face was emotionless. For a minute we just stared at each other.

He stood from his desk and picked up a sheet of paper before walking towards me and placing it om my desk. I looked down it was another Kavanagh poem and underneath it were questions.

"Those are essay question, there are 6 of them, it should take about two A4 pages to answer them, I want them complete by the end of detention. You have an hour and a half. Understood!" he said in a firm tone.

"Yes sir." My reply was barley more than a whisper. With a sigh I looked down at the poem and got to work.

An hour later I had four questions complete and was halfway through my fifth one when my vision started to blur. You know when you are reading late at night and your so tired that one minute you reading and the next thing the words are all blurry and you can't read a thing, it's usually then that you realise it's time to give up and go to sleep.

Yeah that's what was happening now except I couldn't go to sleep.I put my pen down and brought my hands up to my face, rubbing my eyes. Shutting them for a few seconds in the hope that when I opened the my vision would be back to normal.

It worked for a minute or two and I'd get a few words written before it happened again and I'd have to repeat the whole process. My eyes were stinging and I could feel them swimming with tears.

"Miss Swan?" Edward asked. My head shot up to look at him, he was blurry for a second until my vision settled.

"Bella" he said again this time sounding concerned.

I'm not sure what happened then, maybe the day was catching up with me, maybe it was just lack of sleep, or maybe it was the way that he said my name, sounding like he was truly concerned which ever it was it caused me to cry.

I felt like a complete idiot, I wasn't full on bawling or anything, a few silent tears were just rolling down my cheeks but still, I was crying in font of my teacher...I was crying in front of Edward.

"Oh God, Bella, are you okay." He asked walking towards my desk. He pulled a chair up beside me and sat down.

"I..I'm so so sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep in your class, it's not boring, I love your class, I'm sss sorry." I said through my tears.

He put a hand on my back in comfort without a thought. It felt so amazing as if it was meant to be there, touching me. As if those hands were created for the sole purpose of comforting me and they did comfort me. He rubbed soothing circles in my back and I felt my stiff posture relax into his hand.

"Talk to me, tell me what's wrong." he asked in a soft caring voice.

" I I'm I'm just so tired." I said with a sigh.

"Why are you so tired?"

" I can't sleep, every night I can't sleep." I almost whispered.

"Why?" he asked.

I froze for a moment unsure of what to say, Should I tell him the truth, could I. I wanted to tell him, but what if he thought I was crazy, what if I was crazy. No I knew he wouldn't think I was crazy, I knew he'd understand or at least I hoped he would.

" I keep having nightmares." I whispered so quietly he had to lean in close to hear me. He moved his hand up to my shoulder and squeezed it, telling me silently to go on.

"About my brother, every night I have nightmares, they wake me up and I can't sleep, but I'm so tired I just want to sleep." I said quietly. I didn't know if Edward knew about Daniel.

I had hoped that nobody else in town knew, but I knew they did. It was a small town, The death of the Chief of police's son was big news. My moving here soon after it happened made it even bigger.

"You have a bother?" Mr Cullen asked surprised. I guess that answers the question as to if he knows.

"Yes..No..I...He died." I whispered. Edward squeezed my shoulder again.

"I'm so sorry Bella." he seemed genuinely sorry.  
>He didn't ask about him or how he died which I was grateful for, I couldn't talk about it now.<p>

"Look there is only twenty minutes left, why don't you just leave early, go home, get some rest and forget about the rest of this essay work, your mostly done it anyway I don't mind." he said with a small smile.

"Are you sure?" I asked surprised.

"Yes, I'm sure" He smiled removing his hand which I realised was still on my shoulder. I didn't want him to let go, or stop touching me, I felt a sense of peace when he touched me.

I stood up from my desk on shaky legs and bent down to pick up my bag before putting my things into it. I left the poem and my answers on my desk.

"Thank you Edward." I said with a small smile.

"It's no problem." he said shoving his hands into his jean pockets.

"How are you getting home?" he asked curiously.

"Is someone picking you up?"

"No, I'm walking." I said with a frown just now realising that I would have to walk all the way home without falling asleep.

"What?..You can't walk home alone, you can hardly stand let alone walk all the way home. Also it's not safe." he said as if it should have obvious that there was no way in hell I could walk home.

"Here use my phone and ask someone to collect you." he said pulling his phone out of his pocket. I blushed.

"erm..I don't have anyone to call, My Dad's at work, and I don't know anyone else." I said with a shrug as if it was no big deal that I knew nobody and had no friends.

"I'll be fine walking, it's only about ten, fifteen minutes...and I can take a nap halfway through if I get tired." I half joked trying to lighten the mood.

He frowned.

"Bella, I can't allow you to walk home alone, it's not safe, it will be dark soon, it wouldn't be safe even if you were fully awake and alert but at the moment you are neither of those things. If you can wait five minutes I can drive you home!" he said.

"What!..No you don't have to do that really, I'll be fine."

"I insist Bella." he said with a smile.

"I really don't want to be an inconvenience, I don't want you to have to go out of your way."

"It's not an inconvenience Bella, I would feel much better If you allowed me to bring you home, consider it an apology for how I treated you in class today, I was rude and overreacted. I should not have called you out like that in front of the class, please allow me to drive you home to make up for it."

"Okay" I said with a nod, it's not like it took that much convincing let me see, me in a car alone with Mr Cullen outside of school...yeah I really didn't need convincing.

"Great" he smiled.

"Just let me grab some papers and stuff and then I'm ready to go."

"okay"

He walked towards his desk and started putting paper's into his briefcase. It was a brown shoulder bag thing. It made him look even more sexy with his jeans and white shirt with the sleeves rolled up. He turned to me.

"Ready?"

"Yep"

He walked to the door and held it open allowing me to exit first. I slowly walked beside him to the exit of the school, my feet dragging me down as if they weighed a tonne.

When we reached the car park it was practically empty, there were only tree cars. Edward walked towards a shiny silver Volvo and pressed a button on his keys which unlocked it.

"Nice car." I said with a smile, and it was the truth it was a nice car.

"Thanks." he smiled before opening the passenger door for me I blushed and mumbled a thanks. No one has ever opened a car door for me before, it was strange but nice.

He shut the door and walked around to his side sitting down and shutting the door.I took a deep breath and was assaulted by the beautiful scent of Edward it was everywhere.

I took another sniff and sighed. Edward turned to look at me and smiled before starting the car and switching on the radio. The soft melody of Claire de Lune filled the car.

"You like Debussy?" I asked.

"Yes, you know claire de Lune?" he asked with an amazed look on his face.

"Yes, it's beautiful." I smiled. He smiled too before putting the car into gear and pulling away from the car park. We sat in silence for the remainder of the ride.

The wonderful scent and the calming sound of Claire de Lune soon lulled me to sleep and before I knew it I was being lightly shaken awake.

"Bella...Bella, time to wake up were here." Edwards soft voice woke me up.

"oh sorry I fell asleep." I apologized turning red from embarrassment.

"That's okay, your tired, go inside and take a nap, you need it." he smiled.  
>I unbuckled my seatbelt and put my hand on the door handle.<p>

"Thank you for driving me home, Edward, and I'm sorry for today."

"It was my pleasure, Bella I want you to know that if you ever need someone to talk to feel free to come to me" he said reaching over and placing his on top of mine on the door handle.

It sat there for a second until he realised what he had done and quickly pulled away.

"Thank You!"

I smiled before pulling the handle and stepping out of the car. I was reluctant to do so but I had to so I shut the door gave a small wave and walked towards the house.

Once inside I turned around and close the door, to see the Volvo still there waiting to see that I got in safely. It made me smile. I gave another wave and shut the door.

I went right upstairs and collapsed onto the bed and fell asleep fully clothed. I slept for a few hours nightmare free. When I woke Charlie was just arriving home, he was early tonight and felt bad that I hadn't made dinner, he assured me that it was okay and he ordered a pizza for us.

That night when I went to bed I dreamt of Edward Cullen. Although the nightmares didn't stay away I didn't have one until 6:40. My alarm was set for seven so I managed to get a great much needed sleep and it was all thanks to Mr Cullen.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **I hope you can tell that I really have been working on making chapters longer. This chapter is the beginning of Edward & Bella's relationship from this point forward it is going to keep on growin :)

This story hasn't gotten that much reviews. To those who have reviewed thank you so much, you know who you are. To those that haven't please do, Even if I don't get reviews I'm not going to be one of those people who stops writing the story. I don't write for reviews. However saying that it is still nice to have feed back good or bad so it would mean a lot if you did review. I'm stopping this long ass a/n here before I bore you to death, then you wont be able to review :)

xxx Aoife


	8. It gets so lonely

**_All things Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer. Any music mentioned belongs to it's respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended_**

**Music:California by Joni Mitchell. **

* * *

><p>The next Day when I walked into Mr Cullen's class I was unsure about what to expect. My worry was unnecessary because when I entered the room he smiled at me and that was it. Nothing else was said, he didn't ask any questions or bring up our conversation from yesterday, which I was thankful for.<p>

The day in class went smoothly as did the rest of the week. When saturday came I was relieved to have a day of even though I couldn't push the feeling down about maybe missing Edward...just a little bit, but that didn't stop me from trying.

I kept myself as busy as I could doing tasks around the house such as laundry, cleaning, cooking an early dinner and when I had finished all of that as well as my homework I decided to go to the library to see about that job that Angela had talked about.

Forks had only one library and it was small...really really small. It was within walking distance from home and close to school so that would come in handy if I got the job.

I arrived there at 3.25 pm and the place was empty..well there was two other people aside from me, A woman behind a counter who I assumed worked there and a man in his early twenty's sitting at a desk with a pile of books in front of him. College student, I guess.

I walked up to the counter with the a woman in her late fifties. She had light brown hair or dark blonde I suppose whichever way you looked at it streaked with gray , she had a pair of red rimmed glasses hanging around her neck open as if she were ready to put them on at any second.

She was wearing a green shirt and I couldn't tell what else because she was sitting down behind the counter. Her eyes were blue and they had a look about them that gave me the impression that she was a friendly person.

The dimples that appeared around her mouth as she smiled at me gave me the same I reached the desk I also had a small smile upon my face.

"Hi dear,can I help you." She smiled at me. Her voice was light and airy, that managed to comfort me in a way, even though she hadn't really tried too.

"Yes, Hi, I'm here because a friend of mine told me that there was a job opening here. I was wondering if I could apply?" I asked feeling slightly nervous. She smiled at me.

"Yes, the job is still there. It's only two day's a week, working on the till, stacking shelves that kind of thing and I'm afraid the pay isn't extremely great either" she smiled apologetically.

"Well Two day's a week sounds good and I'm not really interested in the pay, in all honesty it's more to fill my time, give me something to do. I love to read so when I found out about the job here I jumped at the opportunity. What are the hours?" I asked hoping that they were after school.

"Four till eight on tuesday's and four till nine thirty, sometimes ten on a friday." She smiled.

"That sounds great, I'd love to apply."

"Really?" She asked.

"Yes is there any way that I could do an interview with someone?" I asked hopeful.

"Yes, I could arrange that. What is your name?"

"Bella, Bella Swan Ma'am."

"Daughter of Chief Swan?" She asked.

"Yes." I smiled.

"What's your favorite book to read?"

"Erm...Pride and prejudice by Jane Austen." I answered not entirely sure why she was asking.

"Why?"

"Because Elizabeth was a strong minded, stubborn and confident woman,who didn't take any crap From Mr Darcy, I admire her as a female." I answered without hesitation.

"I'm Mrs Preston but you can call Me you've got the Job Bella." Elle smiled at me and offered her hand to shake.

I took it in a daze.

"Seriously?" I asked.

"I got the job?."

"Yes you got the job, when can you start?" she asked giving my hand which she was still holding a gentle squeeze."

"As soon as you need me." I replied with a big goofy smile.

And just like that I had a new job. I had absolutely how or why but I seriously was not complaining.

It was decided that I would start work next tuesday, I couldn't wait. I spent the rest of my weekend relaxing;reading,watching movies,doing homework and un-packing anything that had yet to be un-packed.

It was 4:30 sunday evening and I had nothing left to do, no cleaning, homework o un-packing. I wasn't in the mood to read. I switched on my ipod dock and plugged my ipod in. I wasn't sure what I was in the mood for so I closed my eyes and spun the wheel, stopping on a random song.

I sat down on the end of my bed and listened as soothing sound of Joni Mitchell's, California came though the speakers.

I love this song it's one of my favorites. The lyrics are beautiful and poetic and her voice is amazing.

**_"Oh it gets so lonely_**

**_When you're walking_**

**_And the streets are full of strangers"_**

The words were so true,I knew exactly what she meant. Listening to the song reminded me that Joni Mitchell was an artist I once read that she said _"I'm a painter first, and a musician second..."_

She was great at both.I looked over to my bedside table where my sketchpad lay. I wanted to draw, I missed it and I was determined to do it just like I had before everything happened.

I bent over and grabbed the sketchpad along with a pencil. I flipped it open,it was empty, brand new. The one that Charlie had bought me when I first moved here, that I had yet to draw anything in.

I held the pencil above the clean, smooth white paper waiting for something to happen, for inspiration to strike. I sat for about five minutes and could still think of nothing.

I closed my eyes to relax and as I did the image of me crying in the classroom the other day, with Edwards hand on my back came to mind. The feelings I felt; comfort, safety and the feeling as if for just that one moment everything was going to be Okay.

When I opened my eyes I put the pencil on the page and drew that exact image. I drew for over three hours until it was complete and I was completely happy with it.

I looked down at the page and smiled to myself it was perfect.

Time passed quickly after that, I went to school, I waited all day anticipating English class and when it came and I walked into the class Edward would smile at me; I always smiled back.

I looked forward to those smile, sometimes they were all I thought about all day. After English I would go through the rest of the school day, go home do homework,make dinner,draw ang go to bed only to repeat the whole process again the next day.

I had slipped into a routine but on tuesday my routine changed because I had work.

Work at the library was easy. All I really did was spend my time hidden in between the rows of shelves stacking books, arranging them correctly, occasionally I would work on the till or help someone find a book but mostly I worked alone and I loved it.

It was a dream, surrounded by all of the books, the peaceful feeling that comes with a library, the comforting smell and feel of all of the books,the quietness.

I had come to consider it less like a job and more like a getaway. A getaway from life and all of my troubles.

My life in Forks had started to become comfortable and for a while it almost felt normal. I had find that I was no longer crippled by the memory of Daniel.

Most of the time I forced myself not to think about him and it was easy to do in Forks, a place where Daniel and I hadn't been to in years, I hardly remember the memories of Daniel and I in Forks,it was so long ago and I was only a child.

So it made it easier not to think about him in a place where I wasn't constantly reminded of him.

My nightmares although still there every night usually took place in the morning a few minutes before my alarm was set to go off, so I was getting sleep.

I emailed My mother once every week, to tell her I was safe, that I was Okay. She never emailed back, In truth I'm not sure she ever read any of my emails and I was too afraid to call her. Afraid that she would not answer and even more afraid that she would.

I didn't let it get to me,I didn't blame her for hating me, sometimes I hate me too. Although sometimes I must admit her ignoring me did affect me, she is my mother after all.

Charlie and I continued to just be, we didn't talk much, or even see each other that much, he went to work early and came home late and on the weekends he went off fishing.

Sometimes he would be called away on business and would be gone for a few days at a time, those were the times that I sometimes truly felt alone, Charlie had become a part of my life and in a way I depended on him, even if he didn't always realise it.

Life for me was normal or as normal as life in Forks could be and I'm happy to say that I was content. Well until the end of October came.

October 27th...The date loomed ahead in the not so far future. My Birthday...Daniel's Birthday. It was going to be the first time I was going to have a birthday without Daniel.

18 years of age, that's what we would have been celebrating had Daniel still been alive. We would have been complaining to Mam about having to have a joint birthday party, having to share a cake.

There weren't going to be any parties this year or any celebrations.

I had been putting every effort into forcing myself not to think about the coming date and I was doing quite well until one week before my birthday.

On one of those rare mornings where Charlie didn't have to be in the station ridiculously early. We sat in the kitchen eating breakfast together before I had to leave to go to school when Charlie had to ask the dreaded question.

"So it's your birthday next week!" I flinched at the word, I couldn't help it.

"Yeah" I mumbled.

"So what do you want? It's the big 18, name the gift and it's your's Bells."

"I don't want anything Dad , really you don't have to get me a present"

"Nonsense, of course I do it's your birthday" he added.

"No! Really Dad, I don't want any presents, I don't want a party, I don't want any fuss!" I almost shouted.

He looked up at me .

"Bells" he said softly.

"Please Dad,I just want it to be a normal day, I don't want to celebrate, it's not right too" I said with tears in my eyes.

He sat in silence for a few minutes looking at me intently eventually he must have found what he was looking for.

"Okay, Bells...We wont celebrate, no party or gifts." he nodded.

"Thank You Dad." I got up out of my seat and left for school before he could say anything else.

On my walk to school I couldn't help but realise that my plan to not think about the up coming week had completely failed, it was now all I could think about.

The 27th loomed like a ticking time bomb and it was only a matter of time before it hit and destroyed everything in its way.

The 27th was going to be one of the worst day's of my life,I could already feel it.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Here is the next chapter, it's a bit of a filler but I felt it necessary to get to the next part of my story. Next chapter...Edward and Bella.

**_Please Review_**

**l**

**l**

**l**

**l**

**V**


	9. I leave myself behind in pieces

**All things Twilight belong to stephanie copyright infringement is intended**

_**Song for this chapter:** F_eel it now - black rebel motorcycle club

* * *

><p>On the 26th of October I woke up in the morning covered in sweat with tears running down my eyes, another dream this one worse than the others, it was the accident on repeat over and over.<p>

I had to watch Daniel's terrified, bloodied face, watch as the shards of glass from the windscreen shattered and sliced into both his and my skin.

I shook myself out of those thoughts and wiped my eyes before getting out of bed and heading to the bathroom for a shower that I was hoping would stop me from shaking.

I didn't look in the mirror,I never really did, it wasn't that I was self concious, not really. I was just afraid of what I knew I would see, the scars.

They were small, hardly noticeable to anyone else. I knew that...the problem was I knew that they were there.

Sometimes when I looked at or touched them I could still feel the sting. It's funny how the mind can play tricks on you.

I had exactly three scars on my right arm, one on my left,four larger yet still small ones on my chest just below my collar bone. They were tiny, difficult to see unless you looked up close.

I didn't have any on my face because I placed my arms up against my face and bent forward during the accident...I remember that.

My back was a different story, the scars on my back weren't quite as small. Odd place to get them I know considering that I was sitting in a chair facing forward but remember what I said, I was leant forward and on that particular hot phoenix day I was wearing a tang top.

Needless to say it didn't give me much protection from the glass.

I had one slightly larger scar on my back, on my left shoulder blade roughly four inches in length I couldn't see it without a mirror but I could feel it.

The rest of my back was littered with little scars none as big as the one on my shoulder blade.

After my shower I felt somewhat better. I went to my room, got dressed and walked down to the kitchen grabbing my sketchpad along the way,I'd started drawing again after that first time.

Charlie sat at the table eating toast in silence, the last few day's it's been like this we hadn't said a word to each other because, well...we didn't know what to say.

I left as quickly as possible skipping breakfast, I wasn't in the mood to eat. I walked to school it was cold but thankfully dry. I hadn't told anyone at school about the upcoming date because

A. I didn't want anyone to make a fuss

and

B. I didn't really have anyone to tell, Angela maybe, but still we were just friends when we sat beside each other in art occasionally during lunch when I sat with her but most of the time I spent lunch in the school library.

My day in school was a typical thursday. I tried to act as normal as possible, to appear happy or at least indifferent. I guess it worked slightly because nobody seemed to notice my foul mood except myself...and Angela.

She noticed.

I sat beside her in Art, we were doing object drawing, Angela and I were drawing a high heeled shoe that looked like it had seen better days. I was thinking about how similar I was to the old ratty shoe.

We were both worn out and just looked tired and at the moment we were both completely useless.

"Is everything okay, Bella?" Angela interrupted my musings in a soft concerned voice.

"Yeah, I'm fine, I'm just tired." I lied.

She gave me a look that told me she knew I was talking crap.

"Really, I just didn't get much sleep last night." It wasn't a complete lie.

She didn't push me any further,she knew she wouldn't get any answers.

"Okay" she said softly still looking concerned. I felt bad about lying to Angela, she was nice and seemed concerned about me.

Maybe I should have told her, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it, It felt wrong, she wouldn't understand.

At least that's what I was trying to convince myself.

In reality I knew I was afraid, about bringing up Daniel and the pain it would cause and I was afraid that Angela would pity me, I didn't want that.

So I kept quiet.

When English time came I walked into the classroom, Edward sat at his desk. As I walked by he looked up and smiled,I returned a weak smile in reply, in response his brow furrowed and he looked concerned.

He knew something was wrong.

I looked away quickly, afraid that if I looked at him long enough he would figure out what was wrong and that meant I would be forced to talk about it, I didn't want that.

For the entire class I forced myself not to meet his eyes, it was difficult because at times I knew he was looking at me. I could feel it.

When the bell rang I practically ran out of the class room to avoid Mr Cullen as I turned the corner I looked back behind me to see that Mr Cullen was staring after me. I walked faster.

I was glad that day, that English was the only class I had with Edward.

When I got home I did my homework, made dinner,which I didn't eat, I felt sick. I then went upstairs, had a shower and went to bed early, trying to avoid everything, Charlie, Daniel, Edward everything that I would have thought about until I went mad.

I woke at five the next morning panting and sweating. At least I got some sleep. I forced myself to walk downstairs to the kitchen where Charlie sat at the table eating cereal.

I couldn't even stomach the thought of eating, just thinking about it and I felt like getting sick.

We sat in the most awkward silence I have ever encountered,and let me tell you,I have sat though a lot of awkward silences. We didn't say a word, we didn't even look at each other.

Charlie got up from his seat,walked to the sink and put his empty bowl in it and then walked to the door, He paused with his hand on the handle.

"Happy Birthday, Bells" He whispered, so quietly I'm sure I wasn't supposed to hear, but I did. My back was to him, I didn't turn around. He stood for another second before he grabbed the handle and was out the door before shutting it behind him.

I cried alone, at the kitchen table.

On my walk to school it was drizzling rain, I hated that type of rain, I would rather it pour down. The sky was a dark grey and the wind was whipping at my face,I'm sure my nose looked like Rudolph I didn't care, I felt numb, and it wasn't just from the bad weather.

I went to school and didn't speak to anyone at all, not even Angela. She talked to me for a while before she realised I hadn't heard one word she had said, this time she knew better and didn't even ask what was wrong.

I went though the rest of the day like this,ignoring everyone and everything around me, my mind was racing a mile a minute all the while, I was thinking of nothing at all really, it was quite confusing.

When English came around I couldn't wait to get out of there and go to work. I entered the class and walked straight passed Edward without even a glance.

I sat down in my seat put my head in my hands and starred at the desk, I stayed that way for the remainder of the class.

I don't know what Edward talked about and at the time I really didn't care, I felt sick.

You know that feeling you get in your stomach when you find out bad news, the one that feels as if someone is stamping on your stomach and squeezing your chest way too tight.

I couldn't breath, I needed to get out, just as I was about to speak up and ask for someone to help me, the bell rang, and I got up as fast as I could and ran ignoring all the people calling after me, I didn't stop running until I was outside the library doors.

I walked up the steps and entered the library, it was empty, I took a deep breath and felt my shoulders relax slightly, it wasn't so bad here.

I hadn't realised then that I had left my schoolbag behind in my rush to get away.

* * *

><p><strong>E POV<strong>

I was panicking slightly,I mean what the hell was I thinking, why would anyone want to teach a room full of hormonal teens.

I tugged at the rolled up sleeve of my blue shirt. God, they are going to eat me alive.

"...and what ever you do don't show any fear." I pulled myself out of my thoughts and looked at principle Greene,he had been talking for the last five minutes and I haven't heard a word.

"Yeah of course" I answered as if I knew exactly what it was he had been talking about.

I was way to nervous to listen. I had been in college for the last few years, unable to wait for this day to come, now that it was here I was freaking the hell out. What the fuck was I thinking.

It was my very fist day as Forks High School's new English teacher,and it was sure to be a real shit day.

"These student's will tear you apart if they see weakness, they can smell the fear...I mean for christ sakes they caused Mr Gerrard to have a mental breakdown, he has been hospitalised!"

I gulped.

"But of course I'm sure you will be fine Edward, your young, you can handle it." Good God I hope he's right.

He pulled the handle of the class room and stepped through he talked while I hid behind him, trying to pull myself together.

Before I knew it he was bidding me goodbye, patting me on the shoulder, wishing me luck and leaving me alone in a room full of teenagers that were looking at me like a piece of meat in a lion cage.

I was fucked.

I stepped forward and smiled like I was the most confidant man on the planet. I let my eyes skim around the room.

I decided to ease into it,by getting to know everyone. I offered up information about myself and then pointed to a random girl at the front.

"I'm Jessica, and I love shopping." Okay, what the hell do I say in response to that.

"Good, next" and on it went. I went around to each person and listened to each of them talk about mundane things like shopping, boys, girls football etc until after the Angela girl spoke, the next person didn't, I looked up to figure out who was next and what I saw made my breathing hitch.

She was beautiful she had long shiny brown hair that I longed to run my fingers through and I just knew from looking at it that it would smell amazing.

Her skin was ivory and her cheeks were tinted with rosey pink, she had a heart shaped face, with a small cute button nose and the most perfect pair of pink,plump lips I have ever seen, my mouth opened and I licked my lips automatically at the sight of them.

I looked into her eyes and I swear my god damn heart stuttered a little, they were deep chocolate brown, and they made me melt.

Her long dark lashes brushed against her pink cheeks and I was lost in her.

"I'm Bella and I'm new...Here...in Forks...I'm new here in Forks." Oh God she was so cute.

That thought snapped me out of it. What the fuck is wrong with me, she is a child, my student, I'm her teacher for crying out loud.

I forced myself to look away to the next person, but I couldn't stop myself from sneaking glances at her for the remainder of class.

I realised soon after that day, that not only was she extremely beautiful, she was intelligent also.

I was a gonner.

I knew it from my interaction with her in class and those small brief interactions with her after class.

I enjoyed correcting her homework because I not only loved to get a glimpse inside her head and get to know her, but also because she was an amazing writer, she had a way of viewing things that I had never seen before and I found myself even more attracted to her because of it.

Despite how wonderful I found her I also knew that there was something wrong with her, something happened, I don't know what, but what ever it was, it must have been bad...real bad.

I was worried.

That day when she wasn't paying attention in class, I was hurt that maybe she found me boring and I projected that hurt back at her as anger and when I found out that her reason for not paying attention was because she couldn't sleep, I hated myself, I felt like a real asshole.

When she told me her brother was dead, the pain that was etched onto her features still haunts me, at that moment I wanted to pull her into my arms and tell her she wasn't alone, that I was there for her, that she was safe, but I couldn't.

I refused to let her walk alone and insisted I drive her home, I knew I shouldn't have, that it was wrong but I couldn't bear the thought of anything happening to her.

Then today when she walked into class she didn't give me that beautiful shy smile I got everyday, she didn't even so much as glance at me. She went straight to her desk put her head in her hands and stayed that way for the remainder of class, something was wrong.

I kept shooting worried glances over to her every few minutes and I noticed that Angela was doing the exact same.

When the bell rang she jumped from her desk, she looked like she was going to be sick, my concern grew.

I was about to ask her to stay back but before I could even form the words she was running at full speed from the room,without her bag and all her belongings, bumping into people on the way.

Both Angela and myself called after her and the entire room of students stared at her as she continued to run.

I stood rooted to the spot I wanted to run after her, but I knew that I couldn't.

I looked around and I realised the class was empty save for myself and Angela.

"Angela can I talk to you for a second"

"yes sir" she answered walking towards me.

"Do you know what is wrong with Bella?" I asked.

"No, I asked earlier but she wouldn't tell me, I'm worried about her."

"I am too." Shit I should not have said that.

Angela gave me a funny look.

"She left her bag behind, I would bring it to her house but, I've got to go home and babysit my brothers, do you think she needs it?" Angela asked ignoring my earlier comment.

"I would imagine so, I can drop it off on my way home" I answered hoping that wasn't too inappropriate.

"That would be great, it's very kind of you, but I don't think anyone will be there" she answered.

"Why not?"

"Chief Swan works late and Bella has work today!"

"Oh..Bella has a job?" I asked curiously.

"Yeah at the local library."

"Oh, Ok,well that's all I guess, I'll hang on to her bag for her."

"Okay, I guess I'll get going, bye Mr Cullen." She said before waving and walking out the door.

I walked over to Bella's desk and picked up her bag, slung it over my shoulder and grabbed my briefcase before heading out to my car.

It looks like I'm taking a trip to the library

* * *

><p>AN: Okay so this was my very first time to write from Edwards point of view. It probably sucked:)<p>

I found it slightly harder to write for him than I do for Bella...maybe it's because I can relate better to Bella...being a female myself and all ;)

So chapters from Ed's POV will probably be rare, maybe never again. Comment and let me know if you think I should do another one in the future from his POV.

xxx Aoife


	10. You're not lost

**All things Twilight belong to stephanie copyright infringement is intended**

_**Song for this chapter: Lost by Michael Bublé.**_

* * *

><p>"Hi Elle!" I waved to Elle as she sat behind the desk at the information counter.<p>

"Bella dear,how are you?" _Absolutely crap_

"I'm fine" was my reply instead. Elle stood from the chair she had been sitting on and grabbed her coat from the back of the chair before collecting her handbag and putting on her coat as well as a hat, scarf and gloves.

She walked towards me and took a good look at my face and frowned.

"Bella dear, are you sure you're okay?" she asked, concerned.

"I promise, I'm fine, just really tired is all?" I had told the lie so many times that it was becoming second nature.

"You should get more sleep honey, go to bed a little earlier, you young ones are up till all hours of the night, it would do you good to get an extra few hours sleep dear" she was trying to be helpful. _If only she knew the reason I wasn't sleeping was because of the nightmares._

"You're right Elle, I'll go to bed early tonight." I tried to convince her.

"Good, now will you be okay locking up by yourself tonight?" She asked me this every time and my answer was always the same.

"I'll be fine Elle, I'm safe here." I replied fondly. She really was a nice lady.

"Okay dear." She smiled and patted me on the cheek before walking out the front entrance. I let out a deep breath I never realised I had been holding.

I felt like crap, I can't believe I ran out of class like that, everyone must think I'm crazy...Edward must think I'm crazy.

I sighed before walking towards the counter, on top of it sat a large pile of books that seemed to be from the old history section, it was at the very back of the library, where nobody ever went.

I loved it back there because it was where some of the oldest books were kept and I loved the smell of old books, but more than anything I loved the silence back there.

It really felt as if you were completely alone...not just in the library because well, I was completely alone in the library but more like I was alone from the entire outside world..but in a good way.

I picked up a pile, it was going to take me a few runs. It was heavy but I could manage. I walked slowly towards the back forcing myself to focus on the books and nothing else.

Half an hour later I was on the last pile, putting away the last six or seven books. It had been quiet so far nobody had come in, I'm not surprised considering Forks was a small town and it was a friday night, nobody spent there friday night in a library...except for me.

I was basking in the silence and was trying my hardest to forget about today, about what happened in school, about Daniel...like most other times it wasn't working.

I couldn't not think of him, especially today, on our birthday.

I'm now eighteen , Daniel should be too but he will never be.

It's not fair.

I had stopped putting the books on the shelves the moment the thought had popped into my head.

_It's Not Fair._

It wasn't fair that Daniel was dead, It wasn't fair that he died and I lived even though we were both in the car at the same time.

It wasn't fair that now my mother hated me, that she drank herself silly just so that she could feel nothing, It wasn't fair that she shipped me off to Forks just so she didn't have to look at me.

It wasn't fair that now charlie has to put up with me, and it most definitely wasn't fair that the one boy I've ever liked was completely and utterly unavailable, because not only was he older than me he was also my teacher and there was no way in hell that he would ever be interested in me...I was broken, damaged goods, who would want that.

Nothing was fair but I guess that's where the saying _"Life isn't Fair"_ came from.

I let out a sigh my hands were trembling with the effort to hold back my tears, I wouldn't cry, not again.

I sucked in a shaky breath and stood with a book in my hands reaching up to put in on a high self.

I didn't hear him come up behind me.

"Bella."

I jumped startled to have the long silence broken and of course being me I lost my footing, hitting the bookshelf and causing tons of books to tumble to the ground.

_Perfect, I act like a complete idiot around him._

"Oh God, I'm sorry, are you okay, Shit I'll help you clean it up" He rushed as he put a hand on my elbow to help steady me in case I fell again.

My arm tingled where he held it as if tiny sparks were shooting off at his touch.

_Did he really just say shit._ It was weird hearing a teacher use a swear word.

I'm sure my face was flaming at this point.

"That's ok Mr Cullen, it was my fault" I mumbled looking up into his stunning green eyes, I melted a little at the sight of them.

"Edward"

"What?" I asked confused.

"Call me Edward, I prefer it, Mr Cullen makes me sound old." he smiled a crooked smile at me.

"Oh right, sorry... Edward" He smiled a little when I said it.

We stood in awkward silence for a moment before I remembered that we were in the library and I was supposed to be working.

"Oh sorry, erm how can I help you?" I asked awkwardly.

" I'm actually here to see you" he replied. _He came here to see me?_

"Me" It came out as more of a squeak than an actual word.

"Yeah you left your bag in school and Angela told me that you work here, I thought that maybe there might be something in it that you need, so I brought it with me" He said raising his hand.

It was the first time that I noticed he was carrying my school bag in his hand.

_So he just came here to give me my bag back that's all_, I felt my excitement from a moment ago deflate.

"Oh. Well thank you!" I answered reaching out my hand and taking the bag from his out stretched one, my fingers rubbed against him and we both took in a sharp breath, maybe he felt the sparks too...it was unlikely but maybe.

I expected him to leave right away but he just stood there looking at me. His gaze became too intense and I looked down at the large pile of books littered on the floor.

"I'll help clean it up" he answered bending down and picking up a book.

"No! you don't have to do that, really it's okay" I answered quickly.

"I want to help, I did startle you which caused this whole mess, so it is pretty much my fault, Plus we can get it done twice as fast if we do it together." he smiled that crooked smile again.

I couldn't refuse.

"Okay" I whispered bending down to pick up a random book.

"So is there a certain way these were arranged?" he asked.

"No, just put them any way, this section back here has never been sorted, it's not used much" I replied.

He began picking up random books and placing them on the shelves, we were silent while we worked.

Every now and then I would sneak a glance at him, only to find him staring right back, before I quickly turned my attention back to the books with a blush.

It took us less than ten minutes to have all of the books back on the shelves.

I turned and gave him a smile of gratitude.

"Thank you that would have taken me twice as long to do on my own."

"You are welcome Bella" I loved how my name sounded coming from his lips.

He sat down on the ground, showing no sign that he had any plans of leaving soon.

"So you work in the library" he said it like a statement not a question but I answered it anyway.

"Yeah I do." I said before walking towards him and sitting down beside him, I was close but not close enough. He moved himself in a way that made it appear that he was getting more comfortable but it also brought him closer to me.

Our legs were nearly touching.

"Do you enjoy it?" he asked.

"Yeah I do, I love to read and I love everything about books, the feel of them the smell, so I guess this is kind of a dream job for me, it definitely beats working in the local camping shop." I smiled.

"You don't like camping?"

"I don't know really, I went when I was a small kid but I hardly remember" I answered honestly. He smiled in return.

"What about you, do you like camping?" I wanted to know more about him.

"I do actually, I go sometimes with my family and we have a laugh or I'll bring a book, find a quiet spot and read by myself, it's quite relaxing." He smiled a wide smile at me.

It was so easy to talk to him, to forget about everything else that was going on but of course that couldn't last forever.

"Bella, about what happened today in school, I just wanted to know if you are okay."

My automatic response would have been to answer with the usual _I'm fine_ but I knew Edward wouldn't believe the lie, but more importantly I didn't want to lie to him.

" I..I'm..." I didn't know what to say. How to sum up exactly what I was feeling what was running through my head.

"Is this about your brother?" Edward asked gently.

I looked up into his eyes, How did he know without me even saying anything.

"Yeah" I nodded.

"You can talk to me Bella. You know that don't you?" he asked looking me straight in the eye.

I did know that, oddly enough I felt like I could talk to Edward, that I could trust him.

I kept silent for a few moments.

"You don't have to talk to me if you don't want too" He said, obviously thinking that my silence meant that I didn't want to talk to him.

"I told you my brother died and you didn't ask how he died, everyone always asks that, why didn't you?" I needed to know why.

"I wanted to ask believe me, I did, but I knew that it hurt you to talk about, I knew that if you wanted to tell me you would have, I don't ever want you to do something you don't want to do Bella" His answer was so honest and so simple yet it meant more to me than he ever could have known.

"He died in a car crash, I was with him when it happened, I was sitting right beside him when he died." I replied in a thick voice trying with all my might to hold back the tears, I didn't want to cry on front of Edward again.

"What was his name?" he asked, I was so relieved that he didn't say _I'm so sorry _or_ that must have been awful._ They were things that I'd heard before, they were things people said when they didn't know what else to say.

"Daniel, his name was Daniel." I almost whispered.

Edward gently reached over and held my hand, he gave it a squeeze as the first tear dropped.

"He isn't just my brother, he's my twin, my best friend."

"Your Twin?" he asked.

"Yeah"

"That must have been fun growing up" he laughed.

"Yeah it was" and then I actually smiled. a real honest to god smile.

He had just made me smile while talking about Daniel, he was the only person who had done that since Daniel died, the only one who even tried to.

"It's my birthday today" It was all I said, I didn't need to say more, he understood that also meant that it was Daniel's too.

"I was sitting in that classroom and all day I'd been telling myself, it's fine, don't think about it, pretend it's just any other day. Sitting there in that class I just got the thought that I missed him, just one split second thought and I felt like I couldn't breath, like the entire room was closing in on me. I panicked and I ran..I just ran."

Edward looked me in the eye and then he reached up and wiped away a tear but another one quickly followed. It seemed like I was always crying around Edward.

I grabbed onto the arm which was wiping away my tears, when I did Edward stopped moving and just held his hand to my cheek.

We looked into each others eyes and said nothing for a moment before he pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around me.

He held me to his chest, my head nestled against the fabric of his shirt, I could hear the steady beat of his heart under my ear and I could feel it against the hand that lay pressed against his chest.

He just held me and rubbed gentle circles on my back while I sobbed. He didn't let go or loosen his grip in the slightest. I don't how long we stayed like that, it could have been minutes or an hour, I couldn't tell you.

What I can tell you is that I had never felt so safe, so comforted in my entire life, His arms felt like home, I belonged there. I just sat still as I breathed in his scent.

Eventually my tears stopped and my breathing slowed, we didn't move,he didn't stop holding me for a few minutes before finally one of his hands left my back and came to rest on the back of my head where he rubbed before pulling away to look at my face.

He didn't take his hands from me and I didn't take away the hand that rested on his chest.

"I'm not going to tell you I understand how you feel, how hard it is because the fact is I don't. We all lose people close to us, people we love. Each and every situation is different so I can't say I know exactly what you are going through, but what I can say is that you'll get through it.

Eventually you will feel better and it's gonna take time and it's gonna be hard and there will always be moments when you'll think of him and feel sad but more importantly there will be even more moments where you think of him and smile, and you can remember him and feel happy." It was the longest speech anyone had ever given me.

He brought the hand that rested on my head around and gently rubbed his fingers under my eyes.

I'm sure they were red and puffy but for some reason, with Edward I didn't care, I knew he didn't care.

"I don't know how to think of him and be happy, every time I see his face in my mind the memory of that day is conjured up and it's like it wipes out all of the good memories." I didn't even know if I was making sense anymore.

"Your strong Bella. You will get through it." He sounded so confidant so sure, I couldn't help but believe him.

"You said we all lose people we love, who...did you lose someone?" I wasn't sure if it was rude of me to ask, if I was going to hurt him.

He smiled sadly at me.

"My biological parents died when I was seven years old, The house went on fire." _Oh God._

"I wish that that hadn't happened to you." I said softly.

"I used to wish that too, for some time I wished that it never happened but then I would never have been adopted by Esme and Carlisle and they are amazing people. I love them and I wouldn't want to change them being my parents for anything." He had this outlook on everything that allowed him to see the good, I wish I was the same.

"Was it hard, letting yourself love them." I asked.

" I fought it at first, I was only a boy when my biological parents died so for the majority of my life Carlisle and Esme have been my parents in every way. Esme has this way about her, her entire personality screams mother, she radiates love off of her it's impossible not to love her.

Carlisle, well Carlisle is the most compassionate, patient person in the world. He doesn't push you and he makes it clear that he is there for you in any and every possible way like a father, so I guess even though I fought it No it wasn't hard to let myself love them, it was impossible not to." I could see how much he loved them from his description of them.

"They sound amazing." I smiled.

"They are." His hand was still resting on my face and mine on his chest.

"Bella" He whispered to me.

I rubbed my thumb in gentle up and down motions on his chest and when I did, it was like someone had thrown a bucket of ice cold water over Edward.

He pulled back from me and dropped his hands from my face before shifting uncomfortably and clearing his throat.

I'm so stupid, my closeness freaked him out.

"So.." Edward was the one to break the uncomfortable silence that seemed to have surrounded us.

"em..you write!" Edward said.

"What?" I asked completely confused. _Where the hell had that come from._

"I mean, you're a good writer, you are good at english, spellings, things like that" Edward replied.

"Eh,Yeah I guess so." I was still confused.

"Well I was wondering if you would like to join the paired reading team at school ." He asked.

"Paired reading ?." I was confused.

"Yeah, it's when a group of senior students help the junior students with reading, spellings, english homework..."he trailed off.

"You mean like a tutor?" I asked curious.

"Yeah I guess so, it's only once a week for two hours after school" he explained.

"What Day?"

"Wednesday" he smiled.

I didn't have work on a wednesday.

"Can I think about it and get back to you on it?" I had no idea why I didn't just give him a straight answer.

"Yeah,you have a few days to decide okay?" he nodded. I smiled. "Okay."

"Are you in charge of it?" I wondered.

"Yeah, Principle Greene asked politely if I could run it" he smiled on the word politely, which gave me the impression that Mr Greene hadn't asked politely at all, more like demanded.

So if Edward was in charge it would be safe to assume that he would be there on wednesday,two extra hours with Edward didn't seem so bad at all.

"Great" I nodded. He looked down at his watch on his wrist and frowned.

"I have to go" he said it rather reluctantly.

"Oh"

He pushed himself up of the floor and onto his feet, I did the same.

He started walking towards the exit and when he reached the door he turned to me

"You're okay Bella?" he asked, I knew he was referring to the crying and everything earlier.

"Yeah I'm okay" And I think for now I actually was.

"Good, I guess I'll see ya around Bella!" he smiled.

"Bye, Edward" And with that he walked out the door and I watched as it closed behind him.

His visit was seemed that I had a lot to think about.

For the remainder of the night my thoughts remained on Edward Cullen and paired reading after school.

Monday at school after English class had ended I went right up to Edwards desk. He sat behind it looking over a piece of paper clutched in his hand, between his strong, masculine, beautifully sculpted fingers.

I had to shake myself to snap out of it.

When I reached the desk I cleared my throat to let him know I was there. He looked up at me and smiled.

"Ah, Bella, What can I do for you." He seemed to be in a cheerful mood.

"I wanted to talk to you about that paired reading thing, that we talked about the other day." I replied quickly, for some reason I was nervous.

"Yeah." he smiled.

"Wednesday, for two hours right?" I asked.

"Yep, Two hours every wednesday." Okay.

"Okay,I'll do it." I smiled.

"Really"He seemed happy. I was no longer nervous, and I realised the reason for my nerves was because I was unsure of how Edward was going to react.

"Yeah really, when do I start." I asked.

"This wednesday would be good." he gave me that heart melting crooked smile, that also made other pats of my body melt as well.

My breathing was faster and I felt flushed.

"Great." I managed to squeak out. He did nothing but smile again.

"So I guess I'll see you on wednesday?" I asked, hoping to discover if he would be there for the two hours as well.

"Yes, I'll see you on wednesday." He replied. _Score...he was going to be there._

I turned and started to walk towards the door of the classroom, I made it about three steps before I stopped and turned back to look at him, he was still watching me.

"Do I need to bring anything?" I asked.

"Nope,just your pretty self." I blushed and he smiled._ Good God, he just called me pretty, Edward Cullen just called me, Isabella Swan pretty._

"Okay,see you wednesday." I gave a little wave goodbye.

He chuckled a little as he raised his hand gave a little wiggle of those fingers and said " Goodbye Bella!"

His laugh sounded like twinkling bells and made my mouth stretch into a wide smile in return.

Over the entire weekend I had thought about Edwards offer, pulled it apart inside and out, and wrote up all of the pro's and cons of accepting.

I couldn't decide wether two extra hours with Edward after school was a good thing or a bad thing. I wanted to spend more time with him and therein lay the problem,I wanted to way too much, and I shouldn't have wanted to in the first place.

I was beginning to like Edward Cullen a little bit more than a student should and I knew it was going to be a problem, but in the end I decided to hell with it, just go with the flow, let the chips fall where they may, so to speak.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Okay I'm sooooo sorry it's a recession, I couldn't pay my internet so they cut me off, I just got it back on like five minutes ago. As an apologie I give you this super long chapter which used to be three seperate chapters. xxx Aoife.


	11. This clock never seemed so alive

**All things Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer and unfortunately I do not own Edward, So No Copyright Infringement Is Intended! **

_**Song for this chapter...You and Me by Lifehouse.**_

Previously on Live And Learn...

_I was beginning to like Edward Cullen a little bit more than a student should and I knew it was going to be a problem, but in the end I decided to hell with it, just go with the flow, let the chips fall where they may, so to speak._

* * *

><p>That's exactly how I ended up walking towards Edward's classroom at three thirty after school on wednesday.<p>

Nervous but also incredibly excited.

I was excited to see him, which was ridiculous, I wasn't stupid enough to delude myself into thinking that Edward and I would be alone.

I knew other people would be there not only the juniors but I also assumed that there would be other seniors volunteering as well.

However when I entered the class I discovered that there was going to be far less people than originally taught.

Besides Edward and myself there were two other seniors, Sarah and Jason I think their names were, they were in the same gym class as me.

Other than that there were a total of five juniors three girls and two boys.

Edward was over at his desk talking to sarah and jason. All three turned to look at me when they heard the sound of the door shut.

"Bella." Edward smiled.

"Hi." I gave a little wave to all three. Sarah and Jason smiled in return.

I walked towards where they stood and Edward turned to look at me.

"I was just telling Sarah and Jason that apparently there is not a lot of students who like to volunteer to stay after school, nor are there more than five juniors who want help with their work." he shrugged.

"But I guess this could be a good thing as it means a smaller group, more work gets done. I've decided to pair everyone off so...Everyone gather round please" He called out the last part.

The group of students who had been sitting around the same table in the middle of the room talking stood up and began to make their way towards us.

Edward looked at each of us "The groups are as follows; I will work with Bailey and Jenna, Sarah your with Anna, Jason and Kaytlan, and Bella you go with Ryan, is everyone okay with those pairings?"

We each nodded in return.

So I'm with Ryan, I didn't know him and I just prayed that he wasn't going to be a pain in the ass.

"Sir?" Sarah asked, we all turned to look at her.

Edward raised an eyebrow as a sign to go on.

"I can only stay for an hour and a half, I have a thing I have to go to."

Edward scrunched up his eyebrows in a completely adorable way.

"Okay is there anyone else that has to leave early?" he looked around at us all.

The Kaytlan girl raised her hand " I have to leave at about the same time." She said quietly almost as if she were afraid that Edward was going to get mad because of this fact.

"Okay then, Kaytlan you pair with Sarah and Jason you go with Anna, all sorted." He smiled.

"Anything else?" when we were all silent he said "Alright then lets get to work."

I walked with Ryan to a desk and pulled another chair over for myself. He sad down beside me, he seemed a little worried so I decided to break the ice so to speak.

"I'm Bella" I offered my hand to shake, he took it.

"Ryan" Was his short reply.

"So how did you get dragged into this?" I asked assuming that it wasn't of his own accord.

"My mom...she made me join, She gave me two choices getting my grades up or getting grounded for the rest of my life. I chose the first." He smiled at me.

I laughed "Smart move, so lets say we get started on those grades I'd hate to be the reason for indefinite grounding."

"Yeah sounds good." He pulled out a book from his bag, spellings, great.

An hour and a half later we had made some pretty good progress he was nearly finished his English homework. I'd say he has about five minutes left and then all I have to do is read over it.

Sarah and Kaytlan got up from their seats, bid us goodbye and left the room chattering together.

I took a few moments to look around the room. Jason and Anna, two tables over were bickering quietly together, they were like siblings. I couldn't help but laugh a little.

Over at another table on the opposite side of me sat Edward, Bailey and Jenna, they seemed to be getting on well, Jenna was writing away while Edward leaned in to Bailey clearly explaining something to him. The look of pure concentration on his face was so cute.

I just sat and stared at him for a few minutes, after the talk in the library I felt different towards Edward, I felt closer somehow, maybe it's because I knew more about him or he knew more about me, maybe it was because we both opened up about stuff that you wouldn't necessarily talk about if you didn't trust the other person.

I did trust Edward, completely.

He wasn't like anyone else I Knew, maybe that's why I liked him so much.

Yeah there you go I just admitted it to myself, _I like Edward cullen _there isn't any point in denying it, I can't stop how I feel.

I was so consumed with thoughts of Edward that I didn't even hear Ryan calling my name until he shook me and I realised then just how loudly he had been calling.

"Bella" Ryan was still shaking me, Edward turned to look at me and I quickly turned my attention back to Ryan, bright red and completely embarrassed to be caught staring and day dreaming.

"Yeah Ryan, sorry I totally spaced out, what is it." I asked hoping he wouldn't comment on my blatant Edward Cullen staring.

"I'm finished." He said waving his sheet in front of my face.

I took the sheet from him, "Oh Okay." I was still blushing.

I read over it quickly and found two spelling mistakes, I told him so and told him to correct them. Five minutes later we were done.

We both had triumphant smiles on our faces.

"Thanks Bella. It usually takes me twice as long to do my homework at home on my own, you rock." He smiled raising his hand for a high five.

I smacked his hand "Your welcome, it was my pleasure to help." And it really was, I felt great.

I mean I'd really helped someone and I guess in the big scheme of things what I did wasn't huge, it probably wasn't going to change the world but I'd managed to make life a little easier for Ryan, and it felt amazing.

There was still twenty minutes left and everyone else seemed to be working away. Ryan turned to me "Do you think we can leave early because we got finished?"

"I'm not sure." I replied uncertain.

"Mr Cullen?" Ryan called. Edward lifted his head from the piece of paper he was reading.

"Yes, Ryan."

"I'm finished all of my work, I was wondering if I could leave early because I'm done?" He asked hopeful.

"Oh yes, of course, If you ever finish early and have nothing else to do then you are free to go, I'll see you next week."

"Thanks!" Ryan stood up and looked at me, "You coming?"

"Actually I'm gonna stay." I smiled.

"Okay, I'll see you next week Bella." He said with a wave as he headed towards the door, I mumbled a goodbye after him.

"Bella, You don't have to stay if you don't want to." Edward smiled.

"No, I'm going to stay, I don't mind." I smiled back.

"Well in that case pull over a chair and you can help me out with these two." he said pointing to Bailey and Jenna.

I picked up a chair and carried it towards the table Edward sat at. He scooted to his left making room for me on his right side. I would be sitting between Jenna and Edward.

I would be sitting beside Edward.

I couldn't prevent the smile from coming across my face.

I placed my chair between them carefully, ensuring that I didn't hit any legs or catch and fingers. It was a tight squeeze and I practically had to climb into the seat.

This left me sitting extremely close to Edward, His leg brushed mine and I could smell him.

He smelt of fresh paper, rain on a sunny afternoon and man, he just simply smelt of Edward, his own distinct, mouthwatering scent.

He smiled at me and I felt butterflies in my stomach the kind you get when you drive over a steep hill or ride a rollercoaster, it wasn't entirely unpleasant.

"You can work with Jenna for whatever time is left, Okay." He was still smiling.

I somehow, by some miracle managed to squeak out an Okay.

He stared at me for a few seconds longer than necessary before turning away towards Bailey.

I tuned to look at Jenna and offered my hand " Hi, I'm Bella."

* * *

><p>I couldn't help but take a glance at Edward every couple of minutes, it was like a reflex, I didn't even realise I was doing it.<p>

Every once in a while I would turn to see Edward looking at me as well.

Eventually time was up, and our two hours were over.

Everyone packing up and leaving, I was packing my bag as slowly as I possibly could, wanting to spend more time with Edward, Eventually it was just the two of us.

I closed the zip on my bag and flung it over my shoulder before I stood up, Edward was standing with his bag on his shoulder, He was obviously leaving also.

"Do you mind if I walk out with you?" He asked.

"No, of course not." I smiled.

We both walked towards the door of the classroom, He stopped and held his hand out gesturing that I should go first, he was such a gentleman.

He closed the door behind himself before taking a key from the pocket of his jeans and locking the door.

We walked down the silent hallway toward the exit, the halls were completely empty save for us.

" So how did you find today Bella?" Edward asked looking into my eyes. I blushed.

"It was great actually, I really enjoyed it, It felt great to help someone else, you know, to teach them something they didn't know before, it gave me a bit of a rush."

He smiled " yeah I completely understand what you mean."

"Does it always feel like that, I mean do you always feel that great after teaching a class." I asked wanting to know.

"Yeah pretty much, it's why I went into teaching, because to this day when I see a students eyes light up with understanding, I still get a rush knowing that it's because of me, that even in some small way, I've helped that person." He nodded at me.

It when then that I realised how much Edward truly loved teaching, I mean I know he love English and poetry and all of that and I knew that he obviously enjoyed teaching but I never realised just how much he love it.

" It's kind of amazing what you do, what teachers do, I mean you aren't just teaching students things that will help them go to college, help them get jobs, you are doing that, but your also shaping that person into who they are." I smiled at him amazed.

"What do you mean?" He asked curiously with a little furrow between his brows.

"Take me for example, My parents don't read much, well my father reads the paper and my mother reads gossip magazines but that's about it, but me I love to read, I read anything and everything, I didn't get that from them.

I realised I loved to read in kindergarten because my teacher used to read to us every morning and she was so great at it, she would do the voices and the hand gestures and I remember finding it so fascinating, I wanted to do what she did be exactly like her, that's when my love of reading really began.

That's a part of who I am as a person, it isn't just something that I like to do, It's a part of my soul and its made me who I am right know at this moment and I have Mrs kenny to thank for that.

So what you do as a teacher is making people into who they are and who they are meant to be." Its the longest I had ever spoken about something but I needed to say it.

"Wow, I've never thought of it like that before, Thank you Bella." He smiled widely at me and I returned his smile.

"I should use that as my job description the next time someone asks my profession." We both laughed out loud.

We had finally reached the front entrance to the school, we walked out together, it was still bright out and surprisingly dry for forks.

"So, Are you walking." Edward asked.

"Yeah I am, but I don't mind at all, I actually enjoy the walk home its...refreshing I guess." He looked as if he was about to say something until I gave him that answer, he seemed to have changed his mind about what he was going to say.

"Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow Bella." Edward nodded.

"Yeah Edward, I'll see you tomorrow." I smiled as I started to walk away from him.

"Enjoy your walk." He shouted after me.

I continued walking but turned my head and looked over my shoulder he was still standing where I had left him, looking at me.

"I will Edward, Bye."

"Bye" And with that he started walking towards his shiny silver Volvo parked in the lot.

I smiled as I continued walking.

I thought a lot as I walked home to Charlies, about Edward in particular and suddenly everything around me seemed a little bit brighter, the grass a bit greener.

Yes I liked Edward.

I liked him a whole lot.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Okay there it is, Bella finally admits that she really likes Edward. Things are moving along.

I hope everyone had a great easter, if you celebrate it, if not then I hope you had a great weekend, I know I did I just discovered I'm gonna be an aunt again, YAY! I personally think that deserves a review ;)


	12. Oh, I need this

_**All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No Copyright Infringement is Intended!**_

**Song for this chapter: My Skin by Natalie Merchant**

* * *

><p><strong>BELLA POV-<strong>

The following two weeks went by quickly, Halloween past and I didn't do much, I stayed in and answered the door to all of the children who knocked. I must admit that I actually enjoyed myself, seeing all of the children in their costumes excited to receive their candy from each house as if they didn't already have a bag full already.

It brought back memories of tricker treating as a kid.

When Daniel and I dressed up, we used to dress up the same as each other every single year, at first it was Renee's doing but as we got older, we actually enjoyed it. Costumes of Thing one and Thing two, a cow girl and cow boy, a prince and princess flew through my memory, I shuddered but couldn't help but smile at the same time.

Then I remembered that I was never going to be able to do that again. I felt that tightness in my chest that told me I was about to cry.

It was always the same. Some people love and hold onto their memories of the happiest things. But, me - no matter how happy they were or how hard I tried - they just made me sad.

I couldn't think about the happy times I had with Daniel because as soon as the memory entered my mind it was followed by the image of his face that day, that single moment when time froze and I was left staring into his panic struck eyes.

It always reminded me that those happy memories were gone, Daniel was gone.

I managed to get through Halloween thankfully without any tears and in the weeks that followed things were good. I worked Tuesday and Friday, On Wednesday I stayed after school for the paired reading thing.

I have to admit, wednesday had become my favorite day of the week not only because I got to spend two extra hours with Edward but mostly because every week at the end of those two hours Edward would wait for me and we would walk out of the school together and talk about nothing while at the same time everything.

* * *

><p><strong>Edwards POV-<strong>

I shut the door of my apartment behind me with a sigh and tossed my car keys onto the small table in the hall. The clank of the keys hitting wood echoed in the silent hallway.

I shuffled towards the living room kicking my shoes off as I went and when I finally reached the sofa I dropped down onto it with a groan. I leaned forward and ran my hands over my face and through my hair. My main thoughts being _Fuck._

_I am royally fucked._

I couldn't get her out out my god damn head.

Isabella Swan.

I couldn't stop thinking about her, Her god damn chocolate eyes and hair, that pale ivory skin, with those perfect plump lips and that blush. Fuck, that god damn blush was going to be the death of me.

I know how stupid it was, how completely wrong it was to be thinking of her , I mean she's a student for fucks shake, my student. I groaned again.

I was tying to stay away from her but I haven't been very successful. I kept repeating it in my head, she's a student, she's a student and it's going great until she walks in and I get a look at her, a whiff of her strawberry scent.

See what I mean, I am royally screwed.

I didn't know how much longer I was going to be able to stay away from Bella Swan.

At least it's sunday, no school, no Bella, I realise how idiotic it is that that made me both relieved and disappointed. I needed the break from her, from me, Time to get my head out of my ass and into the game.

I had a plan, the "Stay the HELL away from Bella Swan plan."Like I said so far it's not going so well.

I just had to keep reminding myself what could happen if I crossed that line : I'd lose my job at the High School for sure, I'd be looked upon as a pervert by some people, not to mention Charlie Swan the Chief Of Police would kill me, Jesus he has a gun and I have no doubt that he would gladly use it on me if I fucked around with Bella.

Not that I want to do that to her, I mean fuck her about mentally, as well as physically. I didn't want it to be like that, I mean yeah I was definitely sexually attracted to her but Bella Swan is not the type of girl you Fuck and move on.

I wanted more.

To be with her and her soulful brown eyes ..

And holy jesus I was back full circle, I needed to get out, go for a drive, just clear my head and stop thinking of having sex of any kind with Bella. I stood up and headed for the door.

I just needed a long drive to clear my head and then I'd be fine, at least that was what I thought.

* * *

><p><strong>Bella's POV-<strong>

Sunday morning Charlie drove me to port Angeles, I was in need of a new book, unfortunately three days prior I had read my Withering Heights to Death, it literally fell apart in my hands just as I read chapter nine as Catherine says "Nelly, I am Heathcliff! He's always, always in my mind: not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being."

As I read that single page fell lose and landed on my lap and as I reached to pick it up the other 431 pages fell and scattered all over the floor, until I was left holding nothing but the old worn out book cover.

So I planned to buy a brand new one today.

"Okay Bells, Remember I can't pick you up I have to go to the station, So here is money to get a cab home because it's port Angeles you shouldn't have a problem getting one, Don't leave it till to late, I don't want you out here alone at night, Do you have you're phone?" Charlie asked in a rush as he pulled up outside the bookstore.

"I'll be careful Dad, don't worry. I have my phone, call whenever you want and I'll answer." I smiled as I opened the passenger door and climbed out. I waved as he pulled out of the space and drove down the road.

I turned around to look at the bookstore. It was still early and I had skipped breakfast so I decided to grab a light breakfast before I did anything else.

I found a quiet little café and I sat and had an orange juice and a croissant. Yum croissant.

About forty five minutes later I left and headed to the bookstore however on my way I got distracted by a music store, I decided to stop in and browse.

I walked out with two new CDs swinging the bag as I went. The bookstore was amazing, huge. I got completely lost in looking at the books on the shelf.

I looked down at my watch to see that it was already six o' clock. _Shit_ it's getting late, I completely lost track of time. I rushed up to the checkout and paid for the books, before stuffing them in my bag.

I still had my purse in my hand, shoving the change into it as I walked out the door. I noticed a number of things at once; it was already dark, and it was extremely windy and I also noticed a gust of wind hit me as I stepped out from the shop causing the $50 Bill Charlie had given me for a cab fly out of my purse and get carried away with the wind.

"Shit" I started to chase after it, which with me being clumsy was not a good idea, I tripped but thankfully didn't fall. I saved myself just in time to see my $50 fly away out of my line of sight.

"Oh crap" What the hell was I gonna do. Damn it.

I took out my phone to ring Charlie only to remember that I didn't have any credit left on my phone** (A/N:Do you use phone credit in America. I Have no clue...just go with it) **And I also didn't have any money left to buy some.

Once again Shit!

Just as I was about to start really panicking and freaking out about what the Hell I was going to do because _things couldn't get worse than this. _

I froze the minute I thought that because everyone knows that when you say that something even worse happens.

I stood still waiting for something to happen. About ten seconds later I let out the air I'd been holding.

Thank God, I really thought something was going to...

That is when it started to piss rain. I say piss because I definitely do not mean a drizzle or a heavy rain.

I mean it pissed buckets as Daniel used to say. I was soaking wet within seconds.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!" I screamed out in the middle of the street, it was pretty much empty save for me and some older woman with and umbrella who glared at me as she ran by.

"GIVE ME A BREAK." I was seriously pissed at who I have no idea, God, the Universe, myself maybe. I was stamping my feet with my fists clenched as I screamed. "WHAT THE FUCK DID I EVER DO TO YOU, DO YOU REALLY HATE ME THIS MUCH!"

I was panting from screaming so much.

A couple of minutes later, the cold kicked in, my anger faded and I was just left cold, tired and fed-up.

I felt like crying

I was shivering, wrapping my arms around myself to try and save some warmth when a set of headlights shone from behind me.

I turned around to see the car slowing down as it came towards me. Oh shit, it was gonna be some weirdo who was going to offer me a ride only to hack me up in pieces and bury me in the woods.

The car stopped beside me. I put my hands above my eyes to try and prevent the rain from getting in them and blurring my vision I bent down slightly to see if I could get a good look at the driver, I couldn't see a thing.

The passenger window rolled down and just as I was about to turn and run for my life a voice called out from the car.

"Bella!" _HOLY CRAP! I would recognise that voice anywhere._

I bent down and looked through the window, squinting.

"Edward?" I asked surprised.

"Get in." He said pushing the passenger door open, I didn't even need to think twice before I climbed into Edwards Volvo. Shutting the door behind me.

He pulled away from the curb and started driving. His hands were gripping the steering wheel tightly, his knuckles white from clenching them so tight.

We sat in silence for a few minutes before Edward turned to look at me.

"Jesus Bella, your lips are blue." I looked down at my hands to see them shaking violently and then I remembered that I was soaking wet and completely freezing. Shit I was dripping all over Edwards car, ruining his seats.

Edward pulled over to the side of the road and cut the engine.

"I..I,I'mm so..sorry." I managed to chatter out between my teeth.

Edward shrugged out of his jacket and wrapped it around my shoulders before leaning forward and turning the heat on full.

I inhaled his scent off his jacket and my eyes nearly rolled back into my head. _Oh God, so good._

"What are you sorry for Bella?" Edward asked with a furrowed brow, we were still pulled over at the side of the road.

"I..I'm ruining your car." I answered apologetically.

"What!, Bella I don't care about the God damn car, are you okay?" He seemed upset that I was worried about the car.

"I'm fine, really." The chattering had finally stopped and I wasn't shivering as much.

"What were you doing in Port Angeles alone, in the pouring rain in the dark Bella, It's dangerous to be out in the dark like that, you could have been hurt." Edward rushed, he seemed really upset.

"I know, I'm sorry it wasn't supposed to happen." I then ended up telling him the entire story from losing track of time to the wind robbing my $50 to him turning up.

"I thought you were some psycho killer, I was just about to run for my life when you called my name." I smiled at him.

"God, you've had quite the eventful day haven't you?" Edward laughed.

"Yeah I guess I have, which reminds me, Thank you so much for giving me a ride, I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't shown up, so thanks."

Edward gave me that crooked smile.

"It's okay Bella, I'm just glad to help." I smiled in return. Just then my phone beeped, signalling that I had just received a text.

I blushed.

"Sorry." I said as I pulled my phone from my pocket. It was a text from Charlie...

_**Everything Okay Bells?**_

_**-Dad.**_

Shit I couldn't text him back. I looked up find Edward staring at me curiously.

"It's my Dad, Just checking that I'm okay." I smiled.

"Aren't you going to text him back." Asked Edward.

"Erm, I eh don't have any credit left so.." I trailed off.

Edward reached into his trouser pocket.

"Here you can use mine." he said handing his phone to me.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Yeah." He said handing it to me, I sent a quick text saying that _**I was safe and sound **_hoping that he wouldn't ask anymore.

He just sent back

_**Ok,Won't be home tonight, something came up and I won't be finished till late, decided I'd stay at the office instead, see you tomorrow Bells.**_

_**-Dad.**_

I just sent a quick okay in return before handing the phone back to Edward. "Thank you."

"No problem, is everything alright?" He asked.

"Yeah he was just telling me that he wouldn't be home tonight that's all." I returned.

"Does that happened often?"

"Sometimes, he's the chief so I think he kinda feels like he has to stay later than everyone else, even though that's not true, he works too hard sometimes" I smiled.

"Didn't he ask about who's number you were texting from?" he wondered.

I snorted, yeah that's right I actually snorted, how embarrassing. I blushed bright red.

"Erm Charlie is most definitely not tech friendly, I'm surprised he even knows how to send a text, so it isn't surprising that he never noticed that some random number came up, I had to teach him how to switch the phone on and off, it wasn't going well until I reminded him that it was the button with the little circle with a line going through it, the universal sign for power on and off that is on pretty much everything in the house including the tv, he got it then."

Edward was laughing when I finished talking and I couldn't help but join in, he had such an amazing laugh.

when we finally stopped laughing Edward spoke.

"Are you hungry?"

I was hungry but I didn't have any money left.

"Erm..I Eh I don't have enough money." I shrugged awkwardly, trying to act as if I wasn't completely embarrassed admitting that.

"No, Don't worry about that Bella, it's my treat, come on I know the perfect place." He looked at me with an eyebrow raised as if saying _Come on Bella I know your hungry._

I gave a little nod giving in, Edwards resulting smile was magnificent as he turned the key in the ignition and turned around heading back towards Port Angeles.

He brought us to an Italian restaurant called Bella Italia. I smiled at the name turning to look at Edward.

"Yeah, I thought it was quite fitting and the food is supposedly amazing so.." he trailed off with a smile.

We walked in and were seated at a table in the back away from everyone else. It was so elegant, the walls were a rich red and the furniture black. Beautiful pieces of art rested in frames on the wall and I couldn't help but admire them as beautiful Italian music played softly in the background. I'd never been in a place like this before.

I was still looking at the art pieces on the wall particularly the one on the wall beside me. It was an impressionist piece and I could just make out a woman embraced in the arms of a man as she gazed up at him, completely serene and in love. Edward saw me looking.

"It's a beautiful piece" he smiled. I took my focus away from the painting and turned to look at him.

"Yes, it's very beautiful, the artist captured her emotions perfectly, he or she is clearly very skilled." I nodded.

"You're interested in art?" he seemed surprised.

"Oh yes, I love it, all of it, I dabble a bit myself." I smiled at him, blushing.

"Wow, interested in poetry, reading and in art, I'm impressed miss Swan, I'd love to see some of your art work sometime." He smiled at me.

"Maybe." I smiled in return, I didn't show anybody my art but with Edward...Maybe.

We talked about art for a while and music, our favorite novels, poets and so on.

While looking through the menu we discovered that they had a pizza called "_Isabella"_ Edward decided that it was a sign from Fate that meant that we were supposed to get that pizza.

I just giggled and nodded so we got one _"Isabella"_ and shared it. Edward was right it must have been fate because I swear I nearly died and went to heaven when I took that first bite. It was the best pizza I have ever tasted.

By the time we got back to the car it was much darker out and my clothes were nearly dry, they were just a little bit damp, I didn't mind so much. Edward opened the passenger door for me and shut it after I climbed in before going around to his side. When he shut his door I interrupted him before he could start the car,

"Edward?" he turned to look at me.

"I..I just wanted to say thank you for tonight, for everything I had a great time." I smiled. He smiled as well and with out him even realising what he was doing he reached his hand out and put it on my arm.

"I had fun too Bella." He kept smiling.

I could feel little sparks of electricity flying up my arm from the point where Edwards fingers rested, my breathing became shallower as I stared directly into Edwards eyes, it was intense and neither of us looked away.

The atmosphere surrounding us was tense, full of anticipation. My lips were dry so I licked them, when I did Edwards eyes left my eyes and shot down to stare at my mouth.

I licked my bottom lip again and had the satisfaction of seeing Edwards eyes getting darker an even more intense, I didn't know what it meant.

I didn't know what was happening, what I was feeling, what he was feeling and I have no idea what so ever as to what the hell got into me and why I did what I did.

All I know is that I had butterflies in my stomach and I know I liked Edward a lot and the next thing I knew I was leaning over the seat towards Edward, I was about an inch from his lips, I could feel his breaths that were getting faster on my face.

We both stayed completely still and then I leaned forward and brushed my lips against his, he didn't respond but he also didn't pull away or tell me to stop.

My heart was thumping in my chest as I leaned forward and brushed my lips to his for a second time, I slowly touched the tip of my tongue against Edwards top lip and then suddenly it was like a dam had broke and suddenly Edward was kissing me back.

He brought his hands up to the side of my face and I brought mine up to run through his hair. God it was so soft.

I was panting trying to get air as Edwards lips pushed mine open as his tongue entered my mouth and my eyes rolled back into my head when I tasted him, I whimpered and Edward groaned in return.

I was surrounded by him, he was everywhere his touch, his scent I was pulling at his hair now trying to bring myself closer, he put his hands on my back and pulled me forward until we were as close as we could get.

The buttuerflies in my stomach were going wild and I felt like my entire body was heating up. I moaned aloud when Edward bit and pulled at my bottom lip with his teeth.

Eventually we had to pull back for air, we were both panting and gasping for breath, I felt a little light headed but whether it was from the lack of oxygen or the kiss itself I couldn't tell you.

We stared into each others eyes as we tried to capture our breaths.

Oh God, I'm pretty certain that if that had of went on for any longer I would of orgasmed.

"Bella." Edward panted still holding onto me. I said nothing in return. I don't think I could speak.

He leaned forward and lightly brushed his lips against mine before pulling back and resting his forehead against mine.

I looked into his eyes and he seemed to be fighting an internal battle with himself, he seemed so conflicted.

"I can't stay away from you anymore Bella, I just can't" He said it as if he were in pain.

"So don't, don't stay away." I whispered back before kissing him again. I eventually pulled back and Edward gave me a small smile.

I looked down and realised that I was completely on top of Edward. He sat facing forward in the driver seat and I sat kneeling half on the chair and half on top of Edwards lap. I blushed and Edward laughed, running his fingers over my cheek he said..

"I love your blush." This of course made me blush more, he smiled but suddenly the smile slid from his face and he stared at me with that adorable furrow between his brows.

"Bella, this is complicated, I'm older than you."

"Not by much Edward." I interrupted him.

"I'm your teacher Bella."

"I'm 18 Edward, I'm not a child, this is not illegal" I said motioning between him and me.

"No it's not, but it is against school rules, I could lose my job." He said .

And suddenly I didn't know what to say, I know Edward adored his job, how could I ever ask him to risk that..I couldn't.

"But..But Bella a part of me, a huge part of me say's that I don't care, that it..**you **are worth the risk." He said running his fingers through my hair.

"I don't want you to lose your job Edward."

"And I don't want to lose it either but Bella, I don't want to lose you more." My heart skipped a beat when he said that. I wanted this, I wanted him but more importantly I think I needed him.

Ever since Daniel's death I had been half a person, just going through the motions, I was sad all of the time and then I met Edward and for some reason, I don't know why I feel content when I am with him, happy even. I can't go back to feeling that nothingness that I felt before I met him, I need him. I need this.

"What do we do?" I asked.

"I don't know. How can something that is viewed as being so wrong feel and be so right." He sighed. I gently kissed his cheek.

We remained silent for a few moments.

"I don't know what I will do Bella, but I do know that I won't give you up, no matter what, I've waited too long to find you." He smiled at me and I couldn't help but smile in return.

"I'll think about it and I'll figure something out, you don't need to worry about it, I promise Bella." Edward swore to me

"Okay. I know we'll figure something out, but until then I think we need to be careful." I said to him, I didn't want him getting into any trouble.

"I know, it's getting late I should get you home" He said rubbing by back before pecking me on the lips and releasing me. I climbed back over to the passenger seat and buckled myself in as Edward pulled out and started the drive back to Forks.

He reached out and grabbed my hand an held it for the entire drive back to Forks. Every few minutes I would turn to look at him and he would do the same, we would both smile at each other, turn away and to repeat the whole thing again in another few minutes, it was great,so normal.

When we pulled up outside my house he let go of my hand,I unbuckled my seat belt and turned to look at him.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" I asked.

"Yes, I'll see you tomorrow, Did you do your homework?" He asked me.

"Mr Cullen, I'm shocked you even asked, of course I did." I said playfully. He laughed at me.

"I had a lot of fun tonight, thank you for everything Edward." I said as I leaned over and gave him a quick kiss.

"Your Welcome, and I had a great time as well." He smiled.

I stepped out of the car grabbing my bag with my CDs and books as I did. I held onto the door with my right hand as I looked in at Edward in the car.

"Goodnight Edward."

"Sweet dreams Bella."

And with that I shut the car door and walked towards the house. When I opened the door and turned to close it I realised that Edward was still there,waiting to make sure I made it in safely, I smiled at that and waved at him, he waved back before pulling out and driving off down the road.

I turned and shut the door before leaning up against it.

I had the most massive smile on my face. I rubbed my fingers over my lips, and let out the girliest squeal ever as I remembered the way Edwards lips felt against mine

I couldn't wait until tomorrow.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** YAY their first kiss, it's about time. Couldn't resist throwing a little bit of twilight into this chapter.

Okay review because reviews are like hot, frenzied, breathless kisses from Edward and I would really like one of those...who wouldn't.


	13. We're Gonna Get There Soon

_**All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No Copyright infringement is intended!**_

_**Song for this chapter...**_** Closer to Love by Mat Kearney.**

* * *

><p>I hardly slept that night, After five minutes I finally managed to pull myself away from the door and up stairs to my room. I got dressed for bed and then climbed under the covers, when my head hit the pillow I expected to fall right asleep, I didn't.<p>

I was awake for ages, my mind going nintey mph thinking about everything it possibly could.

I started worrying, What if Edward changed his mind? or What if he doesn't really like me at all? Maybe he just felt sorry for me.

I knew that was stupid, he wouldn't risk his job if he just felt sorry for me. I knew he liked me but I couldn't stop my stupid brain from conjuring up these thoughts.

I was afraid that he didn't feel the same way I did, and that really scared me because I liked him, I really really liked him. I wasn't there yet but I think with a little more time I may be in love with him, it was so easy to fall for him, too easy really.

I knew I should be more careful, that I shouldn't just put myself out there like that because I knew that if this were to end, this thing between Edward and I, I wouldn't survive it. Maybe that sounds a little bit melodramatic but it was the truth.

When Daniel died, a part of me died with him, I closed myself off to protect myself because if I didn't get close to anyone, didn't get attached then it wouldn't hurt so much when they left. Then I met Edward and those damn walls I had spent so long building crumbled to the ground the second I laid my eyes on him.

I couldn't lose him, it was as simple as that, even the thought of losing him made my chest tighten, it felt as if a bag full of sand was weighing down on it. No, I couldn't lose Edward

All I could do was wait, wait until tomorrow and see how he reacts when he see's me, with that I finally fell into a fitful sleep.

I woke up before my alarm the next morning and I decided to go have a shower since I didn't have one last night and my hair was a complete mess from the rain yesterday.

I sighed when the hot water hit my face and I could feel my tense muscles relaxing. I felt much better after I stepped out of the shower, I walked back to my room wrapped up in my fluffy towel and opened my wardrobe. Biting my lip, I couldn't decide what to wear, I wanted to look nice. I told myself to just shut up and pick something it wasn't as if my wardrobe choice was going to convince Edward to stay with me

I gabbed a random black t-shirt; Van Morrison, awesome. Then I pulled on my favorite pair of skinny jeans and my black converse, I looked at myself in the mirror and shrugged, it will have to do.

The closer I got to school the more nervous I got, throughout the day it got worse, in Art class we were doing still life drawing and I felt so tense, Ms Shellie walked up to me and asked "Bella Dear, Are you okay?"

I got a fright and jumped a little in my chair banging my knee off the edge of the table "Ahhh," I screamed.

I bent over and started rubbing my kneecap where I could tell a bruise was forming.

"I'm Fine, Absolutely fine." I managed to squeak out.

"Are you sure hun?" she asked raising an eyebrow she had a small smile on her face, obviously at my clumsiness.

"yeah yeah, I'm fine really." I was like that for the rest of the day, banging and walking into things because I kept spacing out, over thinking things. By the time I got to English I was a nervous wreck.

I entered the classroom biting my bottom lip while my hands were fisted at my sides. Edward sat behind his desk and the moment I entered his head shot up and looked at me. He gave me a huge smile and immediately I released the breath I'd been holding and my entire body relaxed. I smiled back.

I took my usual seat and waited for everyone else to arrive never once letting my eyes drift away from Edward.

When everyone else had arrived he walked around and handed out sheets of paper, when he handed me mine our fingers touched and Edward ran his fingers over mine as he pulled away, My skin tingled from where he touched me.

He walked back to his desk and as he did I looked down at the sheet he handed out.

**Sonnet 18**

_**Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?**_

_**Tho art more lovely and more temperate.**_

_**Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,**_

_**And summer's lease hath all too short a date.**_

_**Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,**_

_**And often is his gold complexion dimmed;**_

_**And every fair from fair sometime declines,**_

_**By chance or nature's changing course untrimmed.**_

_**But thy eternal summer shall not fade,**_

_**Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st,**_

_**Nor shall Death brag thou wand'rest in his shade,**_

_**When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st.**_

_**So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,**_

_**So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.**_

Oh God he chose a sonnet, a love sonnet.

"So can anyone tell me who wrote this?" Edward asked looking at us all.

The majority of the class called out "Shakespeare."

"Correct, what can you tell me about it?" He asked.

Mike from the back of the class asked "Didn't he write this about another Dude?"

_Did he really just say dude?_

"Yes, It is believed that this was written for a man, although we cannot be 100% sure." Edward smiled.

"So he was gay!" Jessica asked.

"Not necessarily, it could have been written for a friend, maybe he was gay, again we can't be sure." Edward said looking directly at her.

"So can anyone actually tell me about the poem itself?" he asked.

"It's a love poem." I offered.

"How do we know that?"

"Well Shakespeare says 'Shall I compare thee to a summer's day./ Thou art more lovely and more temperate.' He is basically saying to the person he wrote about, that they are better, more beautiful and more constant than a summer's day."

"Very Good Bella." I blushed.

He went on for the rest of the class explaining each line of the poem, asking our opinions and so on and when the bell rand to signal the end of class while I was putting my books into my bag Edward asked " Bella, Can I see you for a few minutes."

I shrugged apologetically at Angela who was waiting on me, she smiled as if to say it's fine and waved at me before leaving the classroom and shutting the door behind her.

It was just me and Edward.

I turned to Edward he was standing, leaning against his desk. "Hi." I smiled.

"Hey." he gave me his crooked grin I loved so much.

"We need to talk." he said, he tone remained light so I knew that although it was serious, I didn't think he was breaking up with me, if we could even break up, were we even girlfriend and boyfriend?

I walked towards him and sat down beside him on the edge of the desk.

He turned to look at me.

"The way I see it we have three options : 1. we stop this, what we are doing" he motioned between the two of us. My breathing stopped for a few seconds.

"I don't want to do that so that brings us to option number 2. We keep doing what we are doing and keep it a secret, and hope we don't get caught. I'm not too keen on this option either, I don't like the idea of lying to everyone and I personally think it's too risky" I nodded in agreement, it was too risky.

"That leaves us with option 3. I quit this job, hand in my letter of resignation and I find a job somewhere else." I gasped, is he insane?

"What? Edward no, you love this job and where else in Forks could you teach." I demanded.

"I never said I would get another teaching job Bella, I could get a different job." He smiled sadly.

No, I couldn't let him do that.

"No, Edward you love your job, you love teaching I know you do, I won't let you give that up just for me." I said teary eyed.

" I do love this job, but Bella I Lo...I care about you more, I'll do this if it means being with you." He nearly said love, oh my God he nearly said he loved me.

"Edward there is a fourth option." I'd been thinking about it all day.

" I could transfer to a different class, that way you won't be my teacher anymore. I mean its not completely perfect, we would still have to keep things on the down low until I graduate but at least if someone does find out at least I wouldn't be your student anymore" I said hurriedly, hoping to convince him.

"Bella, I don't know, I don't really like the idea of hiding and lying." he said skeptically.

"But it isn't lying Edward, we just aren't parading it around, we are already half way through the year, we aren't doing anything wrong, Edward this could work." I said hopefully.

"You really want to do this, you are okay about hiding our relationship?" He asked.

"Yes at least for a while if it means we get to be together and you get to keep your job then yes."

"Okay" he said hesitatingly.

"If you are sure that you are okay with this, then I'll do it Bella." He smiled and me and I smiled too. I leaned over and gave him a quick hug.

I looked over at the clock on the wall and realised I was late for my next class.

"I better go." I said reluctantly standing up from the desk. Edward looked down at his watch and frowned.

"I'll write you a note to explain why you were late" He said.

"Thank you." I said while he wrote the note out. He handed it to me and said "Oh and Bella, I was, well I was wondering if you wanted to be my girlfriend?" he cringed and I couldn't help but laugh he seemed so awkward. I couldn't stop the blush and the gigantic smile from taking over my face.

"I would love to be your girlfriend Edward."

"Good, and I guess as your boyfriend it would be perfectly normal for me to ask for your number." He smiled. He wanted my number!

"Yeah sure, here.." I took the phone he had in his outstreched hand and typed it into his phone before handing it back to him, he saved it before asking me for my phone so he could add his.

"You're not going to give me a detention for using my phone during school are you?" I couldn't help but tease him.

He smiled at me " No I think I can let it slide this once Miss Swan." he said in his best stern voice, I giggled...yes I actually giggled before pulling my phone from my bag and handing it to him.

He typed in his number before handing it back to me, I typed Edwards name in before hitting the save button.

Okay I said stuffing it back into my bag and slinging the bag over my shoulder, I better get going. I looked around checking that no one could see us before I stood on my tippy toes and gave Edward a quick, far to brief for my liking kiss.

"I'll send in my transfer for at the end of the day" I said.

He grabbed my hand "I'm going to miss having you in my class." he said.

"I'll miss being in your class but we are doing the right thing." I smiled.

"I know" he said dropping my hand I turned and walked towards the door, when my hand was on the handle Edward called out " Bella!" I turned around to him.

"I'll call you later!" he said with a smirk. I grinned back before turning opening the door and exiting the room, all I could think was Edward Cullen was my boyfriend.

True to my word when the final bell rang I headed down to reception and handed in my transfer form. When Mrs Cope asked my why I wanted to switch classes I just told her that I had covered some of the material in my old school and I was hoping that by changing to a different class I may be able to study some new things, she seemed to believe it because she didn't question me further.

Angela was a different story " I don't get it that's all I thought you liked Mr Cullen's English?" she asked.

"I do Ang, but its like I said, I've covered a lot of the stuff already." She looked at me skeptically.

"Its the truth Angela." I insisted, she let it drop after that, Thank God.

Edward also kept his word at that evening at 8 o' clock I received a text message.

**Hey Girlfriend, **

**Just keeping good on my promise :)**

**-E**

Oh god he uses cute smiley faces.

_**Hello Boyfriend, **_

_**Glad to see you can keep your word ;) what have you been up to this evening.**_

_**- B**_

I couldn't believe I was texting Edward...My boyfriend.

**I have had the pleasure of grading papers all evening...exciting stuff!**

**What about You?**

**-E**

He actually wants to know about my evening.

_**I've been doing homework, then cooking dinner and right now...well right before you text me I was listening to music and drawing.**_

_**P.S. Did you give me an A on my essay? ;)**_

_**-B**_

It was so easy to tease and laugh with him.

**I'm shocked Miss Swan that you would try to trick me into giving your grade away;0...I won't give in seems you will have to wait until tomorrow :)**

**P.S. What song were you listening and what pray tell are you drawing?**

**- E**

He was teasing me back.

_**I was listening to Closer to Love by Mat Kearney and as for the drawing...don't laugh at me...I was drawing a shoe...Ms Shellie seems to think we should draw them constantly...I'm giving it a go LOL!**_

_**-B**_

It was true the last few days she had been making us draw shoes...I have no idea why, it was easy so I wasn't complaining and I liked drawing anything at all.

**"Hmm interesting...good song choice... "You pull me closer to love" ;) As for the shoe drawing, I'm not laughing I can hardly draw a stick figure never mind a shoe and I guess that is my cue to say goodnight and let you get back to it, I'll talk to you tomorrow!**

_**-E**_

I blushed when I read his "You pull me closer to love" comment, was he hinting that maybe like me he was falling to, I hope so.

_**Yes, I'll talk to you tomorrow...Goodnight Edward :)**_

_**-B**_

**Goodnight, **

**Sweet dreams beautiful xxx**

**-E**

He called me beautiful...Yep I was definitely falling for Edward Cullen and I was falling fast.

-L&L-

Over the next two weeks we continued to text one another. I had been moved to Mrs Malone's English class, She was nice and a great teacher but she wasn't as good as Edward, nobody was as good as Edward.

We didn't really talk during school, maybe once or twice but nothing more, I didn't see him outside of school and we hadn't kissed since that day in class. I wanted to, I really wanted to but we hadn't had the opportunity so we just continued texting.

Every night at 8 o' Clock Edward texted me, sometimes it went on for hours. We usually spoke about nothing of importance, small nothings, sometimes if I'd had a bad day I would tell him about it, he was always interested.

He never got bored of me and I loved that about him.

Yesterday: Friday, As usual Edward and I texted, we talked about our day, then he asked me what I was doing this weekend and I told him I wasn't doing anything and asked him the same thing.

He didn't reply straight away which surprised me because he always replied quickly, I sat waiting for the text message to come in but instead my phone rang. I jumped before looking at the caller ID **Edward**.

We had never spoken over the phone before, he had never called, just texted.

I quickly answered the phone anxious to hear his voice.

"Hello" I breathed out with a sigh.

"Hi Bella" His voice was like chocolate...smooth.

"Your calling me?" I asked.

He laughed "Yeah I guess I am..I don't know why I haven't before. I like hearing your voice."

I blushed"I like hearing your voice too."

" So about this weekend, you asked me what I was doing" he said to me.

"Yeah I did." I had no idea where he was going with this.

"Well, I'm not doing anything actually but well...I..em I would like to do something..with you...if you wanted to do something that is..." He was rambling.

I cut him off " I would love to do something with you Edward, What did you have in mind?"

" I was thinking we could go see a movie in Port Angeles?" he asked.

"Yeah that sounds great, when?"

I heard him sigh in relief as if he were afraid I was going to say no.

"Is tomorrow at say 7 o' clock okay or is that too late?" he offered.

"No seven is great, Charlie is working late so it won't be a problem, I'll get the bus" I said the last part hesitantly, I wasn't very keen on busses especially not after the accident.

"What! No God No, I'll pick you up and drive you." Edward said in a tone that told me there was no chance of changing his mind.

"Edward you can't just dive into my estate and pull up outside my house, its a small town someone will see you"

" Then meet me outside of your estate, I'm diving you Bella no arguments...what kind of boyfriend would I be if I let you take the bus?" he asked.

"Okay then." I agreed.

"Okay" I could hear the smile in his voice.

"I'll see you tomorrow at 7 Bella."

"Okay."

"Goodnight sweet girl." He said.

"Goodnight Edward." I whispered before I hung up.

I looked down at the phone in my hand... I was going on a date with Edward Cullen.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Okay there it isfrom this point on things will probably start getting faster.

I may not be able to update for a while because my Leaving Cert is starting soon..for those of you that don't know what that is, it's the exams you take in your final year of secondry (High) school. We don't do continuous assesment just the exams at the end and lucky me I have a total of 10 to God i've already done my enterprise, and three of my art ones aswell as my french and Irish oral exams at least that takes a bit of pressure off!

I hope to update before them but if not I just wanted to let you know why the update would be late. Wish me luck

xxxAoife


	14. And I'll stand beside You

**_All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is_ _intended_.**

**Song for this Chapter:**** "Beside** **you" By Van Morrison**

* * *

><p>"<em>Oh God, Oh God<em>" I said aloud to myself as I stood in my bedroom staring into my closet. It was nearly half past six, Edward was due to pick me up at seven that left me with a little over half an hour.

I was already showered and my hair was done, lying perfectly straight and shiny against my back, I'd already put on a little make-up: Mascara, a hint of eye shadow and some lipstick that was in a very pretty plum shade, now all I needed to do was figure out what to wear.

A large pile of clothes lay strewn on my bed, and I quickly threw the t-shirt that I had in my hands into the pile. I didn't know what to wear, I mean we were going to see a movie so a dress was too much and I wasn't sure if a skirt was too much also.

I could wear jeans but I didn't really know what top to wear...I mostly just owned t-shirts...band t-shirts and I wanted to dress up a little bit.

I continued pulling clothes out and throwing them into the ever growing pile on the bed. "Jesus, I'm running out of time he'll be here soon, just bloody choose something Bella!" I said to myself.

I Pulled a black t-shirt out of the shelf and when I saw what was lying under it I smiled to myself. _Perfect._

I had forgotten all about it, it was a dress that Renee had bought me a while ago, I love it but I'd only worn it once before, I'm not one that's really into dressing up, I was more of a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl but I knew it would be perfect for tonight.

It was a ribbed, pleated skater dress that fell just above my knee and was a magnificent red color that looked wonderful against my pale skin. I pulled a dark denim pair of skinny jeans out of the closet and threw the clothes on quickly.

I paired them with a navy belt that had three roses on it and a pair of red flat dolly shoes before grabbing my navy cardigan. I looked in the mirror and I had to admit that I actually looked good. I would have to wear things like this more often.

The outfit was perfect, the dress making it classy and elegant while the jeans added a more casual touch.

I looked at my phone checking the time, it was ten to seven and I decided I better leave and meet Edward at the entrance of the estate. I didn't have to worry about Charlie as he was working and had told me he wouldn't be back until late, twelve at the earliest...I Wasn't complaining.

I locked the front door behind me and started walking, I couldn't help but smile as I walked. It was a rather calm evening for Forks, a slight breeze but nothing that my cardigan wouldn't protect me against.

Edward's Volvo was parked at the curb when I turned the last corner. When he saw me he hopped out of the car before walking towards me and bending down to give me a peck on the lips. He pulled back.

"You look beautiful." He whispered holding my hands. I blushed.

"Thank you." He smiled before leading me towards the passenger side of the car and opening the door for me.

"Thank you Edward." I smiled as I climbed into the seat.

He mumbled "Your welcome" without taking his eyes of me, before he shut the door gently and made his way around the car to the driver side.

I took the opportunity to take him in fully as he did. He looked amazing...just Like always.

He wore a pair of dark denim jeans with a rip in the knee and boy did those jeans hug his butt if I do say so myself. On top he wore a shirt rolled up at the sleeves and it was baby blue, almost lavender in color it looked amazing against his skin tone.

The top button was left open and I could see the hint of a grey t-shirt underneath. He wore a pair of grey converse on his feet...like I said he looked amazing and I couldn't stop the sigh from escaping my lips.

He finally opened his car door and sat down beside me. He looked over at me smiled and then started the engine.

We were silent for a while, it wasn't awkward or anything, just relaxed and I was so glad that we could just sit like this, we didn't need words or small talk to fill the silence, we could just be.

"Do you mind if I put on some music?" I asked turning my head to look at him. He gave me a quick glance before turning his eyes back to the road.

"No I don't mind, there is some C.D's in the glove compartment if you want to go through them" He offered.

I pulled open the glove compartment on front of me and took out a black leather disc case. I pulled the zip and opened it to reveal tons of C.D's.

"Wow you have a lot of C.D's" I said looking over at him.

"Yeah it's kinda a thing I have, if you think that's a lot you should see my C.D shelf at home." He smiled.

I started flicking thorough them murmuring to myself, he had good taste, I had a lot of the same stuff on my ipod : Kings Of Leon, Muse, Greenday,Blue October, Counting Crows, Debussy, Beethoven, Johnny Cash. The list went on.

His taste was very varied, much like mine, Edward appeared to like a bit of everything. I kept flicking through and stopped when I came to a particular one _Astral Weeks_ by Van Morrison.

_Oh My God, He likes Van Morrison._

"You may be my favorite person in the entire world" I blurted out. He turned to look at me briefly.

"Oh Yeah, Why is that?"

"You have Van Morrison in here" I answered.

"You like Van Morrison?" He asked shocked.

"Hell Yeah I do, he's like, the best artist I've ever heard, He's completely my favorite." I replied. He stared at me for a while before abruptly turning his attention back to the road.

"He is my favorite too." He smiled.

"Really, what's your all time favorite song?" I asked really wanting to know.

"Oh, I guess I'd have to say 'Beside You'." He answered. Hmm interesting.

"Which one?" I asked.

"Not the Astral Weeks one, although that one is pretty amazing too but, I prefer the unreleased one."

"Yeah it's pretty amazing...I Cried the first time I heard it." I mumbled.

He smiled at me.

"Can't blame you, it's pretty amazing."

"Yeah it is." I smiled in return.

"So what's your favorite?" He asked me.

"And It Stoned me" I answered.

"That ones great as well, it's definitely one of my top five." He said.

I pulled the C.D out of the case and slipped it into the C.D player and closed my eyes contently as the opening strings of "Astral Weeks" started.

The rest of the drive went like that, we both smiled as we listened to Van the Man on the radio, occasionally we would comment on a song or ask each other questions, for the most part we stayed silent and just enjoyed the music...it Was pure bliss.

By the time we arrived in Port Angeles, I was slightly disappointed, I didn't want to leave the car. Edward parked on the street outside the movie theater and was out heading for my door before I could even blink.

I smiled as he held the door open and offered his hand to help me out. Who knew, chivalry isn't dead after all.

"Why thank you kind sir." I teased as I took his offered hand and climbed from the car.

"You are most welcome m'lady." He smirked. I laughed.

He didn't let go of my hand as we entered the theater and I couldn't stop smiling. He squeezed my hand and I looked up at him, he was smiling right back at me. We went and bought our tickets and food, well Edward bought them, he wouldn't let me pay at all.

We ended up seeing some Zombie movie that I couldn't even remember the name of. We took our seats down the back of the theater. We put our massive drink in between us..Yes we were sharing and I have no idea why that mad me so giddy but it did, And Edward held the popcorn on his lap.

He tilted the box towards me in offering and I took a handful and tossed one into my mouth, he smiled at me.

At first the atmosphere was light and easygoing and then the lights went out and the opening started. I immediately felt the electricity in the air, and a tingling sensation and I suddenly became very aware that I was sitting next to Edward, in the dark..Alone, well mostly alone.

It appeared that Edward noticed it too because I immediately noticed that he was as tense as I was. I couldn't help but stare at his face, taking it all in and I was mesmerized by the way the light from the screen flickered, illuminating his features and I found myself paying particular attention to his lips.

Those perfect, plump lips. His tongue flicked out and swept over his bottom lip and my eyes shot up to see that Edward was staring directly at me. I got butterflies in my stomach and a small gasp escaped me.

Slowly, very slowly Edward leaned towards me, he stopped about an inch from my lips, giving me the opportunity to stop him,I didn't. I could feel his breath fanning across my face and I licked my lips in response and that did it.

He leaned the rest of the way in and his lips landed on mine. My hands automatically went up and wrapped around his shoulders, fingering the hair at the back of his neck.

I opened my mouth and groaned and Edward took that as an invitation to slip his tongue into my mouth, I groaned quietly again. God he tasted so good, like honey and sun and everything good. My tongue mingled with his as we both panted.

I pulled back desperate for air and I sucked in a big gulp, Edward didn't let his lips leave my skin as he started kissing my jaw, my neck and this really sensitive spot behind my ear that I didn't even no existed.

I groaned again as I threw my head back giving him better access. I guess I groaned a little too loudly because the couple two rows ahead of us turned and glared. "Shh!"

Edward, unfortunately pulled away from my neck but not before laying one gentle peck on it. He turned to the couple and whispered "Sorry."

I was blushing of course and when Edward turned back to look at me he chuckled before putting an arm around me and pulling me closer to him. I sat snuggled up against his arm and he kissed the top of my head before focusing on the movie, I did the same.

We remained that way for the remainder of the film.

"Oh my God, that was the worst movie ever." I giggled as Edward and I walked out of the movie theater hand in hand.

"I know, I'm sorry love." I melted at the term of endearment.

"I mean, when they all just started beating him with the stick, I couldn't help but laugh" I looked up at him and he laughed out loud.

In the theater, the film was slightly funny and then this scene happens where this Zombie comes into a supermarket and a load of people come out of nowhere and start beating him with sticks, I burst out laughing because,well it was hilarious and when I finally calmed down I realized that the entire theate had turned in their seats to stare at me and that none of them were laughing, apparently it wasn't a comedy.

"Don't worry I thought it was funny too, I mean, it was supposed to be a horror movie, but come on, there was nothing scary about it." He smiled at me.

"I know, how could no one else in there find it funny?" I asked.

"I have no idea, it's like we chose the one movie that all of the most serious people in Washington chose to see aswell." He joked.

"Well I enjoyed myself." I smiled at him.

"Me too." He squeezed my hand.

"Are you hungry?" He asked.

"I could eat, what did you have in mind?"

"I know this diner around the corner that does the best fries you'll ever come across." He replied.

"Sounds good." I answered.

"Well, come on we can walk from here." He said pulling me in the right direction.

We reached the diner and he held the door open for me. We sat at a booth in the back and rather than sitting opposite me Edward sat down beside me. It felt more intimate.

A blonde waitress who looked about twenty two, twenty three, with a slim waist and boobs that were clearly fake sauntered over to us.

She looked directly at Edward and completely ignored me.

"What can I get you?" She asked in this completely nasal voice, I swear it was worse than nails on a chalkboard, I cringed. Edward turned to me.

"Bella, what would you like?" He asked. I hadn't even looked at the menu.

"Eh, what ever you are having is fine." I said to Edward. He smiled at me.

"We'll have two medium cokes, and a large cheese chips please." He asked not even glancing at the waitress, I smiled as she stormed off in a huff. _Bitch._

We talked about random stuff while we waited on our food, it didn't take long, within ten minutes the blonde was back out with a gigantic bowel in her hands, she sat it on front of Edward and my eyes bugged out of my head as I looked at it. _Holy crap it's gigantic._

"Is there anything else that I can do for you, anything at all?" She asked in what I assume was supposed to be a sexy voice, it just sounded slutty. I huffed. Edward smirked at me before replying.

"No thank You, I have everything that I could ever need right here." My heart melted right then and there and I can't express the satisfaction I felt as the waitress glared at me before leaving us alone.

"Are you jealous Bella?" Edward asked playfully.

"What, no..I..I.." I sputtered.

"Well I mean, she was throwing herself at you, its just plain rude to do that when I'm sitting right here." I huffed.

He smiled at me.

"Well it doesn't even matter because you are all I need, I didn't even notice her until I saw you giving her the death look."

"What, I did not give her a death look." I mumbled. Picking up the glass of coke before taking a gulp.

"Oh you did, I saw it with my own eyes, It was kinda sexy actually." I choked on the drink, ended up inhaling it, it came sputtering out of my mouth and my noise.

"Jesus, are you alright?" Edward asked reaching out towards me with a napkin. My eyes were watering from the fizz in my nose and I'm sure I was bright red. I groaned to myself.

"I'm fine" I coughed.

"You sure?" He asked gently patting my shirt with a napkin, where I clearly spit some coke.

"Yeah,..Guess That's not so sexy huh?" I asked still bright red.

He looked me in the eye.

"Bella everything you do is sexy, seriously that may be one of the sexiest things I've ever seen." He was teasing me. I mock punched him in the arm.

"Shut up Edward." I laughed at him. He rubbed his arm pretending to be hurt. He pushed the massive bowel towards me.

"Come on lets eat, I'm starving." He stated before picking up a fry covered in cheese sauce and melted cheese.

I Picked up a fry and moaned as I ate it. _So good._

"Jesus, these are the best fries ever." I said looking at Edward.

He sat staring at me with a fry held up to his face,his mouth wide open like a goldfish and he looked like he was in pain.

"Edward?" I asked.

"You moaned." He whispered, _What is he talking about?_

"What?" I asked confused.

He seemed to shake himself out of it.

"Nothing, Nothing." He mumbled.

"Okay..." I was still confused.

He kept staring at me as I ate my next fry, as if waiting for something to happen, when it didn't he went back to eating his fries. _Weird._

We spent the next hour talking about everything, music, books, he asked me my favorite color and I asked him his favorite writer and so on. I had just finished talking about Chalie when he asked me something I rather wish he hadn't.

"And what about your Mom?" I froze, debating what I should say, Edward clearly noticed that it was a sore topic.

"It's okay, you don't have to tell me." He rushed.

"No it's okay it's just me and Renee, my mom, we aren't really that close." I shrugged, he nodded at me to continue.

"We never really have been. My mother grew up in Forks and all she ever dreamed about was getting out, then she got pregnant at eighteen and married Charlie and suddenly she was stuck and she couldn't stand it.

When I was two she filed for a divorce and after it was finalized she took Daniel and I and we moved. We moved around a lot : Florida, Oregon, California and eventually we moved to Phoenix in Arizona, we stayed there.

Renee, I suppose the best word to describe her is flighty, I don't know how she looked after me and Daniel when we were young but I know then when we got older we took care of our selves. At age seven I was cooking dinner everynight and making sure the bills got paid on time.

When we were old enough Daniel and I got jobs, we helped pay the bills because Renee couldn't hold down a job. One week she was knitting, the next she was painting. She had all of these great ideas but not enough patience to see them through.

Then Daniel died and, she..She blamed me, she started drinking and it got to the point where she couldn't even stand to look at me. I figured it was best that I go away for at least a while, so I called Charlie and within three days I was here in Forks.

I haven't seen her since. I email her at least once a week but she hasn't replied, I tried texting her and that didn't work either. I know that she is okay because Charlie has talked to her..It's just me she doesn't want to speak to."

Edward had remained quiet throughout the entire conversation, just listening. I looked up at him to see his jaw clenched. He was angry.

"I hate that she does that...that She hurts you, a mother shouldn't do that." He said looking me in the eye. I swallowed shakily.

"Now I've painted her in a bad light, she isn't that bad, she just misses Daniel that's all." I whispered. He reached over and grabbed my hand squeezing my fingers lightly.

"Bella, don't make excuses for her, yes she misses Daniel, she is in pain and she is entitled to that, she lost a child but Bella, she still has a child, a daughter and her pain does not allow her to cause you further pain.

You are hurting too, you are grieving too and she should be with you helping you and reminding you that you are loved." He said it so strongly, like he believed every word and I know he did.

I had tears in my eyes. I wanted to tell him that she hated me, that she blamed me and that she had every right to do so. It was my fault, Daniel was dead because of me.

I wanted to say it all to him but I couldn't because I was so afraid that if he found out he would leave, he would be disgusted and I'd lose him.

I couldn't lose him, I wouldn't survive.

He pulled me into a hug and just held me for a while. He hugged me tighter as he whispered in my ear.

"You are loved, you are loved Bella." And for a few moments I just let myself believe it.

Eventually he pulled away from me and wiped under my eyes where a few tears had escaped. He smiled at me and I smile in return, I couldn't help it. He leaned in and kissed my lips sweetly.

It wasn't long or passionate, it was simple and sweet and was just to remind me that he cared.

He pulled back and just studied my face for a moment before leaning in and kissing my cheeks and then my nose. Just as he was about to pull away we heard a throat clear behind us. Edward looked over my shoulder and tensed.

"Alice.." He murmured.

Alice...Alice As in Edwards sister Alice. Oh God we were in so much trouble.

* * *

><p>AN: Hides behind screen hoping a mob with pitch forks doesn't attack because I just left you guys with a cliff hanger. It had to be done I'm sorry but I wanted this chapter to be just B&E Fluff.

Anywho..sorry for the late update, I am finally finished my exams...Leaving Certificate Examinations complete! and now I'm done with secondry school, Highschool..whatever you like to call it.

Now all I need to do is panic about the results, hope I get those 415 points(In ireland we work of a points system) that I need to get into college...if not my friends have joked that I'll be the homeless person living outside of mc Donalds in town(Dublin City Center) so wish me luck, I'd rather not be homeless.

xxxAoife


	15. Count on me like 1 2 3, I'll be there

_**All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No Copyright infringement is intended!**_

**Song for this Chapter: Count On Me By Bruno Mars.**

* * *

><p><strong>EPOV-<strong>

"Alice" I said to myself, I'm not sure but I may have said it aloud. It seems I did from the way Bella went rigid in my arms. I sat frozen holding Bella in my arms, staring over her shoulder right into the shocked face of my sister.

Alice was looking me right in the eye and then she looked away from my face down to my arms holding Bella and that made me snap out of it.I jumped back from Bella as if she had electrocuted me.

"Edward, What is going on." Alice asked with a raised eyebrow. I didn't know what to say, it's not like I could lie and pretend Bella wasn't a student, Her father was the police Chief of Forks, Everyone knew what Bella looked like including Alice.

"Look Alice..it's, it isn't what it looks like." I stuttered.

"Well then please explain, I don't know what is going on but I'll tell you what it looks like..it looks like you are here with a teenager, a student and I'd guess that you are not here in a student/teacher setting. Is she even eighteen?" Alice asked furious.

She stood all 5ft 4 inch's, petite and almost black short hair with fists clenched at her sides and her entire face was scrunched up as if she were trying not to explode.

I've never seen her so mad. Not in all the twenty one years that she has lived has she ever seemed so furious.

I looked from Alice to Bella who sat completely silent with her head down.

"Yes, Yes of course she is eighteen, I'm not that stupid Alice."I whispered furiously.

"Well it certainly looks like you are." She screamed. A few heads in the diner turned to look at us. _She needed to calm the hell down._

"Shhh, Alice keep your voice down, people are starting to look!" I whispered.

She glared even harder at me if that were possible.

"How could you be so damn stupid, you are risking everything, not just your career, if Charlie Swan found out, you would be dead. Are you that much of an idiot?" She whisper yelled.

Bella who had remained silent for the entire time suddenly looked up at Alice.

We both remained silent, what could we say. I knew the risks, about my job, my reputation about Charlie Swan and Bella knew them aswell. Our silence seemed to anger Alice even more.

"You Goddamn idiot, foolish, selfish jackass!" Alice whisper yelled glaring at me. she was so angry I expected steam to start coming out of her ears any second.

Bella who had remained silent for the entire conversation suddenly spoke up.

"Stop." She said looking at Alice. Oh God she was sticking up for me, if I wasn't so terrified that Alice was gonna go off on Bella I would have smiled.

Alice turned her glare from me to Bella.

"This is not Edward's fault. He is not an idiot or a jackass or any other name you choose to call him. He isn't doing anything wrong. I'm eighteen and he isn't my teacher." Bella explained camly but fiercely looking Alice right in the eye. _That's my girl._

Alice stood and stared at Bella for a few seconds clearly taken back that Bella had stood up to her. Bella and I sat waiting to see what Alice would do.

"Explain." Was all Alice said.

"Sit down and I'll explain everything." I ordered. She took the seat opposite Bella and I with a huff. When she was seated she nodded at me which clearly meant, _You better hurry up and explain you jackass._

I explained the entire thing to Alice in great detail, from meeting Bella that first day to Bella transferring into another class and Eventually stopped when I reached the end.

"...And here we are.." I trailed off, looking at Alice pleadingly, begging her with my eyes to understand. She sat staring off into space for a number of minutes before looking me right in the eye.

"You care about her." It was a statement not a question but I answered anyway.

"Yes Alice, I do very much." I glanced over at Bella and reached out and grabbed her hand under the table and gave it a squeeze. Alice's eyes softened as she looked at me.

I could see her anger fading and replacing it was something far worse...hurt.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Alice whispered.

I didn't know what to say.

"I don't know Alice, I genuinely don't. I should've but I guess I was you would be angry, disgusted that you would tell someone else and our bubble would burst. We haven't been together that long Alice and I guess I just wanted us to be...without the complications for at least a while. I know I should have told you and I'm sorry." I mumbled the last part.

I know I should have told Alice. We have always told each other everything and I could always depend on her and vice versa. I felt ashamed for lying to her like that.

She remained silent for a while before blowing out a breath and whispering "Ok" to herself. I looked at her in utter shock.

She reached her hand toward Bella. I looked to see Bella looking at Alice's hand in shock before she too reached out her hand and clasped Alice's in a handshake.

"I'm sorry for earlier, Can we start over, I'm Alice Cullen, it's nice to meet you." And that is why I loved my sister. I knew that if anybody would understand it would be Alice, she is three years younger than me but we have always been close.

Alice could always tell how I felt, the same way I could tell if something was wrong with her. She knew me better than anyone so she knew that if I was risking my career then it must be for something important, something I cared about.

Alice was tiny but she was fierce protective and I knew that her anger before was her way of trying to protect me. Once you get to know Alice though it's impossible not to love her.

"It's nice to meet you too Alice, I'm Bella swan." Bella answered with a small smile. She looked over at me nervously and I knew that she was completely surprised by Alice's complete attitude change it the space of minutes. I figured she would get used to it..eventually.

I smiled at Bella and squeezed her hand telling her that it was alright that Alice was alright.

**BPOV-**

Edward squeezed my fingers in reassurance telling me that Alice was okay. I mean what the hell, she comes in screaming, completely furious, then she went to extremely annoyed and then guilt as she shook my hand and apologized for earlier.

Now as I looked across at her she had a small smile on her face looking at Edward and I. Her mood swings were giving me whiplash.

"So what exactly are you doing here, in Port Angeles?" Edward asked.

"Oh I was shopping." She shrugged as if it was completely normal for a person to be out at nine o' clock at night shopping.

"At Nine O' Clock?" Edward asked skeptically.

"No silly, I've been here since Twelve O' Clock today and I was heading here to get something to eat before heading home to Jazzy." She answered rolling her eyes at me as if to say _Boys._

She had been shopping since 12:00 Am that's almost nine hours, surely she got the time wrong.

"Of course." Edward replied as if this was something Alice did often. My eyebrows shot up in shock before I turned to look at Edward he nodded telling me it was true_..Jesus._

"So Bella tell me about yourself." Alice asked looking eagerly at me.

"Oh, Erm..well" I didn't know what to say. Edward interrupted.

"Alice stop it, you are embarrassing her." He grumbled. I didn't want to offend Alice any more than I already had so I answered quickly.

"Well I'm eighteen, moved from Phoenix, Arizona to live here with my Dad - Charlie. I'm doing my last year of High school at Forks and I'm Edwards girlfriend." Yeah I kinda got word vomit and let the last part slip out.

I blushed, Edward chuckled and Alice smiled hugely.

"I like you Bella Swan." She said with a nod.

"But I meant tell me about your likes and dislikes." She smiled.

"Oh!" I muttered embarrassed.

"Well, I like to read, I read everything but I particularly like poetry, I like listening to music." I shrugged not really sure what else to say.

"She does art as well Alice, I haven't seen her stuff but from what I've heard around school it's pretty good." Edward added, he sounded proud almost. I was blushing of course.

"Oh really, I studied fashion design in college so I took a few art classes to help, but I'm not very good. What is your medium?" She asked enthusiastically.

"I work mostly in pencil and charcoal, a bit of paint and I enjoy clay although I don't really have the resources to do it at home so I mostly do it in school." I nodded happy to be able to add something to the conversation that I knew enough about.

"I bet your brilliant, I'd love to see some of you work some time." She added. I said nothing in return, I don't show anyone my work it just seems too personal, too intimate. She didn't push however.

"So do you like to shop, I love your outfit by the way." She said.

"Oh, Thank You, and eh no I don't really shop, it isn't my thing unless its a bookstore or an art supply shop." I shrugged. Alice gasped.

"You don't go shopping, like ever?" She asked horrified.

I thought I heard Edward mutter "Now you've done it."

"Well, I mean yeah if I need something like a new t-shirt or jeans or..." I trailed of at the horrified look on Alice's face.

"No. No This wont do, just simply wont, we must get together one day and I'll take you shopping, show you what it's truly like, you will love it." She said happily. She was practically bouncing in her seat from excitement.

I was suddenly nervous, somehow I doubted that I would love it and Edward's sarcastic snort from beside me solidified my doubts. She turned to glare at him.

"Ignore him Bella, he's a man, he doesn't know anything." She said pointedly. Edward stuck out his tongue at her, and she did the same in return. I couldn't help but laugh, you could tell that they were extremely close.

I'm so glad that I didn't ruin his relationship with his sister. She seemed nice, extremely friendly, I liked her.

"Yeah, sure Alice that would be nice." I answered thinking I'd probably regret it. Alice gave Edward a smug look before turning to me.

"Great how about lunch next week?" she asked.

"Yeah next week works." I knew Charlie was supposed to be going fishing on Friday and not returning home until Sunday night.

"Great, How about we swap numbers and I'll text you with the details during the week." She said pulling her phone out of her purse and handing it to me, I did the same with my own. I took hers and dialed my number before saving it and handed it back to her.

When we were done she looked at the watch on her wrist.

"It's 9:30, I better get home to Jazz." I'm assuming that Jazz was her boyfriend, or Fiancé considering she wore a diamond ring on her engagement finger.

She stood up and pulled about six bags out from under the table._ How had I not noticed them before._

She leaned in and pecked Edward on the cheek before giving me a quick hug. It was unexpected so I stayed frozen for a split second before reaching out and hugging her back.

I liked her.

"We'll talk soon." She whispered in my ear.

Yeah I really liked her.

Just as she was about to leave Edward reached out and grabbed her hand, she stopped and turned to look at him.

"Alice could you not tell anyone, especially not Mum and Dad?" He asked.

She looked at him disapprovingly.

"I won't lie to Jazz." She said stubbornly.

"No, of course not you can tell Jasper, but please, no one else." He grabbed her hand.

"Ok Edward." She offered reluctantly. Edward smiled in gratitude.

"But you need to tell them Edward, and soon. It isn't fair to lie to Mum and Dad." She said. Edward nodded.

"I know, I know. We will tell them soon, I promise we just want a little more time." He pleaded.

"Okay, I'll talk to you soon." She leaned in and hugged him before walking away and exiting the diner. Edward sat down beside me and let out a sigh.

"Well that was unexpected." He turned to me.

"Yeah it was." I nodded.

"But it went far better than expected at least one person knows and is okay with it." He added.

"Yeah, I really like her." I said looking into his eyes.

"I really like you." He smirked. I blushed before leaning my forehead on his chest, trying to will my blush away.

He chuckled.

"Are you ready to get out of here and start heading back?" He asked rubbing my arm gently. I pulled back from him.

"Yeah, I'm ready." And with that we left the restaurant.

The drive home was relaxing, we sat it comfortable silence for the most part and Edward held my hand between us for the entire ride the only exception was when he released it to change gears but he always grabbed my hand again when he was finished.

The night had been one of the best in my entire life most certainly the best in some time. I can't recall the last time I smiled or laughed so much.

I realized that I hadn't even thought of Daniel throughout the night and although that should have been a good thing, I should have been happy.

Instead I had a sick feeling in my stomach and a heavy pressure on my chest, I felt like I couldn't breath properly and my heart physically ached...I knew what this feeling, this emotion was, I've felt it so much over the past few months. It was guilt and I felt like it was never going to go away.

Daniel was dead and here I was having fun and fogetting him. What kind of person did that make me?

I took a deep breath and forced myself to stop thinking like that, I didn't want to feel like that...not tonight. Tonight was just Edward and I, our first official date.

I looked over at him and he was smiling slightly as he payed close attention to the road ahead.

And just like that, just one glance at his smile and the happiness that radiated off of him and I felt myself calm. I had done that, I put that smile on his face.

Edward glanced at me from the corner of his eye and I gave him a genuine smile.

"You okay?" He asked turnng his focus back to the road.

I squeezed his fingers in mine.

"Yes, Yeah I am okay, better than okay." And at that exact moment I meant it.

Edward had the ability to make me forget, to make me feel as if everything was going to be okay, he made me feel something that no one else could...Hope.

When we finally pulled up outside Charlie's house it was nearing 11 O' Clock.

I let out a sigh sad for our drive to be over, our time to be up. I leaned across the seats and kissed Edward. His mouth automatically opened for me and his arms encircled me in an embrace that brought me closer to him.

My tongue slipped out and mingled with his and I could taste him, that honey and Edward taste that was unlike anything else. I sighed before pulling away knowing that I should head inside in the unlikely case that Charlie got home early.

As I pulled away Edward leaned over and pecked my lips one last time before placing small, sweet kisses on my cheeks that made me smile.

"Can I see you next weekend?" I asked knowing that Charlie would be gone the entire weekend and that I wanted nothing more than to spend my time with Edward.

He answered yes without an ounce of hesitation or any questions.

"We will talk during the week and we'll sort something out." He promised.

He looked me in the eye.

"How do you feel about the whole Alice situation? I know she can come off a little strong." I smiled at him and squeezed his hand.

"It was awkward at first and I was afraid that she couldn't be trusted but now, I really like her and do trust her Edward, I'm glad she knows." I answered truthfully. I heard him sigh with relief.

"I'm glad she knows aswell." He whispered leaning in to give me another peck.

I sighed reluctantly.

"I better get going, I'll talk to you tomorrow?" I asked reaching for the door handle.

He nodded.

"Sweet dreams beautiful." He smiled as I climbed from the car.

"Goodnight Edward."I whispered just as I was about to close the door I turned to look at him.

"By the way, I had a really amazing time tonight."

I heard him mumble "Me too."

With that I shut the car door and walked towards the front door. I unlocked it and turned to wave at Edward before entering the house and locking the door behind me.

I stayed pressed up against the door until I heard the engine start up and the Car pull away from the curb and drive down the road.

I smiled as I walked upstairs to my room, replaying the entire night over in my head. It really had been the best date that I've ever had, not that I've been on many, two others to be exact and they were nothing in comparison.

I sighed a happy sigh as I changed into my pyjamas for the night. I looked over at the computer and thought of emailing Renee, I hadn't done so today but I eventually decided against it, I knew she wasn't going to reply, the same went for a text.

I glanced at my phone on the nightstand and then at the time, it wouldn't be an unreasonable time in phoenix.

Actually calling was something that I hadn't tried yet,not sure if an actual conversation would be a good idea but it was really the only option left.

With shaking hands I picked up the cell phone and dialed Renee's number. Anxiously waiting for her to pick up, thinking over what I would say. It rang a total of two times before it went to voicemail.

"Hi this is Renee and Phil we clearly are not able to answer the phone so leave a message and we'll try ring back. Bye." I hung up before the beep could go off not wanting to leave a message.

She would receive the missed called and that's about all I could do.

I honestly shouldn't have been surprised that she didn't answer but for some reason I was and a part of me, no matter how much I tried to ignore it was hurt.

Like I said I shouldn't have been surprised.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Well there you go. I couldn't let Alice stay mad it isn't in her character Plus I love her way too much to turn her into a raging bitch...I'll save that for Rosalie ;)

* Please Review *


	16. Tell me these words are a lie

_**All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No Copyright Infringement is Intended!**_

**Song for this chapter: Tears Of An Angel Ryan Dan **Check it out because it is seriously amazing.

* * *

><p><strong><span>BPOV<span>**

The week passed like any other. In school Edward and I stole secret glances at each other or the occasional brush of our fingertips as we passed each other in the hallway.

My time at home was spent drawing, doing homework, reading or most often than not talking to Edward over the phone.

On Tuesday Edward asked if I could go out with him again on Sunday. I explained that Charlie would be away the entire weekend so there wouldn't be a problem.

On Thursday Alice texted to ask me if I wanted to go shopping on Saturday. I agreed but it was bitter sweet: Sweet because I liked Alice and wanted to spend time with her, Bitter because I hated shopping and I'm sure Alice was not going to let me off lightly.

When Saturday morning came I was slightly nervous. Alice had agreed to collect me a 10: 00 am. I'm pretty sure that was for my benefit, I'm sure if it were up to Alice she would have been collecting me at 7:00 am instead.

We were driving in Alice's car.

I got dressed in what I assumed was appropriate shopping attire: A black t-shirt, denim jeans and a pair of black worn out converse...Comfy. Alice's gasp and from when she saw me as I answered the door told me that I was wrong.

She looked me up and down, shook her head and said to me.

"Come on, we better get going we have a lot of work to do!" I kept quiet and followed her out the the car.

On the drive to Port Angeles we asked each other questions. She asked about my art, my moving to Forks..I didn't give her the full story, I just simply told her that I needed a change..it wasn't a complete lie.

In return I learned that Alice was not adopted like Edward was. Carlisle and Esme were her birth parents and I also learned that Edward had a brother named Emmett who was also not adopted. I didn't know how I never knew Edward had a brother.

I discovered that Alice was engaged to Jazzy...or rather Jasper since that was his actual name, they were set to be married in three months and that I was invited to the wedding.

I couldn't help but smile at her, Alice talked so fast that she had to stop at times and take a deep breath before diving right back in. I loved it about her.

When We arrived at Port Angeles my nerves had dissipaited somewhat. I felt relaxed around Alice and I had a feeling that I might actually enjoy shopping with her.

Three hours later and I was really starting to deny ever thinking that, as I stood in yet another dressing room, trying on yet another dress that Alice had picked out.

This one was a baby blue sun dress that fell just below the knee and I rather liked it. I took it off and handed it out to Alice on the other side of the curtain and told her to add it to the yes pile.

The next dress I picked up made me cringe just looking at it,it was a pink boob tube and it was short. I groaned.

"Alice I am not even trying this one on." I shouted out waving the dress in the air so she could see which one I was talking about.

"What, Bella why not...it's sexy." I heard her shout.

"It's slutty." I shouted back.

"Hey I have the same dress in yellow." She shouted back at me.

I froze. Shit I just insulted her. We both remained silent for a few seconds before Alice shouted out.

"Gotcha!" That little bitch. We were both in hysterics and when we finally calmed down she said to me.

"Fine, you don't have to try it on if you really don't like it."

Two hours later, four bags of new clothes and a major dint in the money I had saved up we sat in a quaint little café/restaurant. I practically inhaled the pasta I ordered I was so hungry.

It was nearing five o' clock, we had been shopping for nearly five hours and my feet felt like they were ready to fall off, but I couldn't deny that I had had a great day.

I loved spending it with Alice and I couldn't wait to spend more time with her...just not shopping.

"So do you love Edward?" Alice broke my little conversation with myself. I choked on the water I was drinking.

"I..you..I, He..." I sputtered. She just smiled coyly.

"Come on it isn't a hard question to answer and I won't tell anyone Bella, Are you in love with him?" she smiled at me.

What kind of question was that I mean, I only knew him a few months, and we had only only been dating for one of those months. I couldn't love him...I mean I barely knew him. So that would make it impossible, Right?

" I...Alice. I really like him." I answered. She raised an eyebrow telling me to be honest.

"We haven't been dating long enough for it to be love." I said hoping she would drop it.

Not a chance.

"Oh Bullshit Bella, I know love when I see it. The moment I met Jasper I knew he was the one, I know that you are in love with him, you can't keep fighting it, it won't work."She reached her hand across the table and held my hand.

I stopped and thought for a second. Did I love Edward? I pictured Edward in my mind. His silky soft hair, and those deep passionate green eyes, the way his tongue sat on his bottom lip when he was deep in thought.

How his voice made me melt and his arms, his embrace made me feel safe, told me I was home.

Oh God...I was in love with Edward Cullen.

I love Edward Cullen.

I am head over heals in Love with Edward.

Oh My God! I am so screwed.

I looked up at Alice. she was still holding my hand.

"What if he doesn't feel the same way?" I asked barely above a whisper.

She squeezed my hand.

"He does, I know my brother Bella, I've seen the way he looks at you, he does love you." She sounded so sure. I wanted to believe her but I couldn't.

why would he love someone like me?

"You can't no that for sure Alice..What if he doesn't feel the same?" I asked again.

She squeezed my hand tightly.

"Then he is the biggest idiot to ever walk this earth." We both laughed. And just like that I felt better about the whole thing.

"Thank you Alice, for everything. I've had a lot of fun today." I smiled.

"Me too, we should do it more often, I forget how fun it is to have a girly day." I agreed with her.

She stood up from the table.

"We should get going, it's starting to get late."

We exited the restaurant and got into her car, and begun our game of questions again.

I must admit that I was a little sad when we pulled up outside Charlie's house. I'd had so much fun, I didn't want it to end.

Alice reached over and hugged me. " We'll talk soon,okay?" She asked. I nodded and said my goodbyes as I stepped out of the car and shut the door behind me. I waved as Alice drove off down the street.

The rest of the evening was spent doing the last of my homework, when that was done, I started on laundry. I was on my second load when I heard my phone ringing upstairs. I rushed upstairs to answer it on time.

I didn't even bother checking the I.D figuring it was either Edward or else Charlie.

I answered it out of breath.

"Hello?"

"Bella?" I froze at the sound of the voice on the other end. I already knew who it was but that didn't stop me from Pulling the phone away from my ear and glancing at the caller I.D _Renee._

"M..Mom?" I asked, in shock that she had actually called back, even if it had taken her an entire week to do so.

"Who else would it be,Bella?" She asked. There was something off about her speech, she sounded like she was slurring her words slightly. I closed my eyes and shook my head before I asked a question I already knew the answer too.

"Mom,Are ..have you been drinking." I figured that somehow sounded less harsh than an outright _Are You drunk?_

"I've had a few glasses of wine, what's it to you anyway...it isn't any of your business." She spat out. I shook my head, she hasn't changed.

It was of course my business, she was after all my mother, and was drunk calling me but I didn't dare say that to her.

"Your right, I'm sorry I was just wondering." I mumbled.

"Well stop wondering." She snapped. We both remained silent.

I asked her what I've been wanting to know since I answered the phone.

"Why did you call?" I said it in a way that sounded like I was begging, and I was ashamed of that. I'd never been the most confidant of people and I was okay with that but when I was around Renee she made me feel like nothing, what little confidence I had always flew out the window in her presence.

It had always been that way, it was no secret that she favored Daniel, I'm not just saying that as a jealous Child I really mean it: When Daniel and I decided to get jobs to help pay the bills, mom went mad at Daniel, tried to convince him it was a bad idea, he didn't need to work and yet she had no problem with letting me find a job.

I remember once when we were about six we went to the beach and Renee bough Daniel an Ice cream but she didn't buy me one, or one time we both got all A's in our report card and Renee fawned over Daniel, telling him how proud she was but never once did she turn and say to me "Well done" Or "I'm proud of you." And those were only a few instances.

I don't know why she favored him or when it started or even if she realized she was doing it, I've never had the guts to confront her about it.

I snapped out of my thoughts when she spoke.

"You keep emailing and texting and then the other day you called." she said it in an annoyed voice. I wasn't completely sure what she wanted me to say.

"Yeah..I er.. I just wanted to tell you that I was okay and to check that you were also?" I asked it like a question unsure how she would react.

"Well stop." I pulled back from the phone when she said that and tears sprung to my eyes, I mean I knew that she didn't want to talk to me, from all the ignored emails,that's one thing but it's a whole other thing to have her actually say it out loud.

It hurt more than I wanted it too.

"I..I'm sorry, I was just.." she cut me off before I could finish.

"I sent you to Forks for a reason Bella, to get away from you and your constant need to email me and remind me you exist is not what I want." A tear slid down my cheek.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled, trying not to sound like I was crying.

"All of those emails I know what they are, a cry for attention. My son is dead and all you can think about is yourself." The venom in her voice was clear. A sob broke from my throat and I clutched it with my free hand to stop anymore from following.

"N..No I'm not doing it for attention.." She cut me off again.

"My son is dead because of you!" She shouted. I couldn't stop the tears or the sobs this time, they broke free and I couldn't do anything to stop them.

Over the phone I just kept begging "I'm sorry,..I..I'm sorry, please, I'm sorry." She hung up after a few seconds but I kept the phone clutched in my hand up to my ear and continued.

"I'm sorry, please I'm so sorry, I'm sorry." I stayed like that sitting on the floor for God knows how long before my voice got too sore to continue and the sobs subsided.

Renee was right it was all my fault, it should have been me, not Daniel. It should have been me. And suddenly I was angry, More angry than I have ever been in my entire life.

I stood up from my spot on the floor and paced, I needed to release some of the anger but it wasn't working I wasn't calming down.

My fists clenched at my side and I screamed out "Why not me, I hate you, I hate you." I didn't know who I was talking to: God, Daniel or maybe myself, I don't know.

But the anger was coursing through my veins like lava and just like a volcano I was about to explode, I could feel it but couldn't do anything to stop it.

I screamed at the top of my lungs and picked up the closest thing to me, A shoe, I think and hurled it with all my might against the wall and a small part of me felt good.

Suddenly I was grabbing anything I could and throwing it. I walked over to my beside table and swiped everything off it with full force they hit the wall and I heard shattering then I pushed over the table itself.

I kept going like that destroying everything that I touched for I don't know how long until I lost all the energy I had and fell to the floor. I looked around me and my room was completely destroyed, All of my art supplies and drawings and paper lay strewn all over the carpet, my ipod sat on the floor at the farthest wall, my were cracked and broken in pieces all over the place, I looked beside me and saw shards of glass and a broken frame.

_Oh no_

I crawled towards the frame and picked it up the photo fell from it, the photo of Daniel and I and suddenly I felt so guilty. I picked it up not caring about the glass that surrounded it and I hugged it to my chest. I sat back on my bottom and sobbed harder than I ever have.

My breathing was all over the place as I shook, I couldn't breath, I needed someone, I needed help. I needed Edward. I couldn't breath.

I looked around for my phone and saw it sitting beside me, I grabbed it quickly hitting number 1 on speed-dial, begging him to answer. I couldn't breath, I needed him to answer.

When I heard his voice I sobbed harder.

"Edward, I can't..I can't breath..I ..Help." I didn't even know if I was making sense, I just needed him.

**EPOV-**

I was in the supermarket in Forks doing grocery shopping. I couldn't stop thinking about Bella, wondering how she was, if she got on okay with Alice today. I decided then that I was going to call her as soon as I got home.

I was walking down the isle grumbling to myself in search of twinkies.

"How fucking hard can it be for them to put the goddamn twinkies in the same place each fucking week.", Every week I came in something has moved and it's damn annoying as hell.

I was still grumbling when my phone started ringing.

I grunted as I pulled it out of my Pocket and checked the Caller I.D _Bella_. I smiled to myself as I answered.

"Hey Baby." The smile fell from my face as soon as she answered.

""Edward, I can't..I can't breath..I ..Help." I could hardly make out what she was saying she was sobbing so hard. Something was seriously fucking wrong.

"Bella, Bella what is it?" I asked completely panicked.

"I can't...I..Breath, I can't breath..Help." She was gasping for breath._ Jesus Christ_.

"Okay Baby calm down, Okay I need you to listen to me." I could hear her sobs quieting down a little bit.

"Where are you Bella, Can you tell me?" I asked trying to remain calm.

"Ch..Charlies...I..can't breath..I..I" Thank God Charlies was less than a five minute drive.

"I'm on my way okay, I'm coming." I dropped whatever was in my free hand and ran towards the exit of the supermarket, leaving the almost full shopping cart behind me.

I jumped in my car and started the engine while holding the phone pressed between my ear and my shoulder.

"Bella hunny, I need you to calm down, slow your breaths down." I cooed trying to relax her.

"I..Can't, I can't..help me, Please" I wanted to cry with her, she sounded so scared.

"I am baby, I'm on my way, I'll be there in two minutes, I promise." I kept talking to her as I rushed towards Charlies, completely ignoring the speed limit, let them give me a ticket I couldn't give two fucks.

When I pulled up outside the house I spoke into the phone.

"I'm outside now Bella, okay, I'm hanging up, I'll be right there." I hung up before rushing out of the car not even bothering to lock it.

I rushed up to the front door pulling the handle and letting out a relieved sigh when it wasn't locked. I looked frantically around the kitchen when I entered, she wasn't there.

"Bella!" I yelled. I could hear her scream Edward from up stairs and I ran as fast as I could, following the sound of her sobs straight to her room.

What I saw when I entered sent me into full on panic. The place was destroyed. _Had someone broke in, was she attacked, what the hell happened?_

Her gasps and sobs broke through the shock and I ran towards her.

She sat on the floor in hysterics and I quickly sat down beside her and pulled her into arms, clutching her, her back was against my chest, and she was squeezing my arms around her with all her strength.

"Help..I..can't.." I squeezed her tighter. She wasn't choking or suffocating. I'd seen this before, she was having a panic attack, she needed to calm down before she passed out.

"Shh, it's okay I'm here, Calm down, Breath for me." I begged.

"I can't" she sobbed.

"Yes you can, feel my breathing, can you do that, focus on my breathing." I instructed as I took a deep breath and released it slowly, knowing that she could feel it.

"Just focus on my breathing, that's it." I whispered in her ear. I kept doing that for a few minutes until her breathing eventually slowed to match mine and her sobs stopped.

She turned around in my arms so she was sitting sideways on my lap and looked up into my eyes.

I scanned her face, she was still crying, silent tears rolled down her cheeks. I leaned forward and kissed each cheek, catching her tears, Her hands that were clutching my t-shirt squeezed tighter.

I needed to get her up off the the floor, and make sure she was ok.

I stood up with Bella in my arms and groaned at the pain in my knees from sitting in the same position for so long. I placed her down on the edge of her bed, it seemed the safest place.

I let my arms drop to my sides and took a step back to inspect her but her hands clutched to the front of my t-shirt, not allowing me to move far. I glanced at her hands and gasped, they were covered in blood.

"Bella." I whispered pulling back from her and searching the rest of her body. She was wearing those little pyjama shorts and her knees looked cut up also, as well as her feet and a few cuts on her arm.

I don't think the cuts were too deep, It didn't seem like it was life or death. So I don't think she needed to go to the hospital.

"Do you have a first aid kit?" I asked her.

She nodded "Bathroom" She managed to croak out, her voice raw from crying, another tear rolled down her cheek and I wanted to cry.

I stepped back planning to go to the bathroom and get the first aid kit.

"Please don't leave me." She whispered her voice cracking on the last word.

"I'm not, I promise, I'm going to get the first aid box, you are covered in cuts." I whispered stroking her cheek.

she looked down at her hands and knees and whispered "Oh." As if she only just realized she was bleeding.

I rushed to the bathroom down the hall and opened all of the cabinets searching for the kit, I found it it the third cabinet I searched and then I ran back to Bella, not wanting to leave her on her own.

She sat in the exact spot that I had left her in and thank God she was no longer crying. I rushed up to her and kneeled down on front of her, carful not to land in any glass.

I picked up the wet cloth that I brought with me from the bathroom and carefully wiped all of the blood of her hands, when I was finished with that I moved onto her knees, the cuts didn't seem too deep, her feet were a different story. Clearly she had walked on the glass.

I cleaned off her right foot with no problem and then moved on to her left foot, which was much worse. Small pieces of glass were embedded in the skin. I reached over to the first aid kit and picked up a tweezers.

"I'm sorry hun, but this is gonna hurt a little bit." I stated gently. I removed the glass as gently as I could and Bella was great apart from the occasional flinch. There was a larger piece about two centimeters in length.

I was weary about pulling it out, unsure how deep it could be. I don't think you're supposed to pull something like that out right..isn't that what they say. Or is that only if you are impaled on something your not supposed to remove it.

Oh hell I don't know, but there is no way I'm risking it.

"Bella, I don't think I should pull this one out, maybe we should..." before I could finish the sentence she had looked down at the piece of glass, reached over and pulled it out.

"Bella!" I yelled at her. Looking down to make sure she wasn't going to bleed to death. It was only bleeding a tiny bit. I released a sigh.

"It's fine." She said looking me in the eye, giving me the smallest of smiles.

I wiped that foot off also before reaching into the first aid kit and pulling out the anti bacterial wipes, Bella flinched as soon as she saw them. I didn't warn her this time that it was going to hurt like a bitch, she already knew.

When I was finished torturing her I wrapped her hands, feet and knees in bandages to keep them clean. I squeezed her thigh to let her know I was finished.

"Thank you Edward." she croaked, her throat obviously still raw.

"It's okay, what are boyfriends for if not bandaging up fucked up feet." I joked.

She let out a little snort before leaning down to hug me. I didn't let go, we just held each other for a long time, eventually I looked at the watch on my wrist. It was almost nine o' clock. I glanced around the room, She couldn't stay here tonight.

"You can't sleep in here tonight." I said aloud.

She squeezed me.

"It's fine, I can sleep on the couch." She reassured me. _What the fuck?_

"Like hell you can, there is no way you are sleeping here alone on the couch, come stay at my apartment." I nodded, hoping she would agree.

"I..I don't want to impose." She mumbled into my neck.

"Impose..There will be no imposition, I would love to have my girlfriend stay in my apartment." I nuzzled her neck, praying she said yes.

I didn't want to leave her here alone, at this point it was pretty obvious that she had made this mess in her bedroom, and as bad as it may sound, I was afraid of what she might do if she was left alone.

I don't mean suicide or anything like that, I mean what if she has another panic attack.

"Are you sure?" She asked quietly.

"Positive." I answered.

"Okay." She whispered. I couldn't stop the stupid fucking grin from taking over my face. I pulled back from her and stood up.

"Okay, stay here, you have no shoes on and the place is covered in glass." I warned.

She nodded at me and I walked over to her closet before pulling out a pair of jeans and a random t-shirt and I picked up her chucks that she liked so much before heading back over to her.

"Anything else you need?" I asked. She shook her head no.

"Okay then, come on your chariot awaits,." I smiled leaning down and picking her up in my arms bridal style. She didn't complain as I carried her all the way down the stairs and out into the Volvo.

I sat her in the passenger seat.

"Where are the keys to the house so I can lock up?" I asked her.

She informed me that they were on the counter in the kitchen. I ran to the house and they were right where she said they would be. I exited the house and locked the door behind me and headed towards the Volvo.

Bella was staying in my house, I felt giddy, like a fucking schoolgirl or something.

I still didn't know what the hell had happened here, but I planned to find out, not now later, I would find out later. For now I just basked in the pansy ass feeling I was having in relation to Bella staying in my house.

It felt good.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** This little breakdown was bound to happen. In case you haven't noticed Bella is going through the stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. Bella's just happen to be a little bit late and backwards she has been going through depression & Denial the entire time, now we see anger and bargaining and hopefully soon we'll see acceptance.

Reviews are like being pressed up against Edwards chest...so please give me one xxx


	17. There's a reason for the world

**All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No Copyright Infringement is intended!**

**Song for this Chapter:The riddle ( You & I ) By Five For Fighting**

* * *

><p><strong>BPOV-<strong>

Edward didn't ask me any questions on the drive to his apartment and for that I was so thankful because I wasn't sure how to answer. I sat in silence looking out the window at the trees, grass and sky which just ended up as a blur of green and brown.

I didn't dare look over at Edward, afraid of what I might see. Would he be disgusted with me?, He probably thinks I'm a complete psycho.

_Can you blame him? _My sub-conscious shouted at me.

_You just destroyed everything in your room in a fit of anger, why would he want any part of that?_

She or I rather, was right after all, why would he want me after what I had done? Look at me, I was talking to myself, if that doesn't make me crazy then I don't know what does.

I figured Edward probably already knew that I had done all that damage back there myself, he wasn't an idiot. So he probably already knows.

Yet he wants me to stay with him, in his apartment. Maybe, just maybe he doesn't think I'm crazy, he wouldn't ask me to stay at his apartment if I was crazy...right?

_Or Maybe he just _feels sorry _for you_, _He would feel bad if he left you back their and something bad happened. He pities you_.

The thought slipped into my head before I could stop it. Did he just ask me to stay with him out of fear and pity? I felt sick at the thought.

I forced myself to think of Edward and all of the conversations we have had in the past, all of the comforting things he has said and done.

No, He didn't pity me. Edward did not pity or feel sorry for anyone, especially not me. He cares about me. I felt silly for all my earlier doubts.

I dragged my eyes away from the Forks scenery of the passenger window and finally looked over at Edward which is exactly what I have wanted to do since getting in the car.

I looked over at his hands first. They sat on the steering wheel of the car, gently not angry or annoyed. My eyes made their own way up his arms, his muscled bicep, and his long elegant yet manly neck straight up to his magnificent jaw line. I nearly drooled.

It twitched which broke me out of my trance. I moved my eyes up past his lips and nose straight to his eyes and I realized he was looking right at me. His eyes were soft and gentle, I sighed in relief.

I gave him a small smile and gave him a look trying to say everything I wanted too._ I'm sorry, forgive me, I love you._

And I did love him and I would tell him regardless of if he felt the same or not, he deserved to know. Just not right now, I wanted it to be perfect.

He smiled in return and his eyes sparkled and they told me he understood what I was trying to convey_ There was no need to be sorry, he would always forgive me and I'm hoping that the look he gave me also said I love You._

He reached over and grabbed my hand and brought it between us, squeezing my fingers before turning his focus back onto the road. I let out a sigh of contentment.

Everything would be okay.

When we drove up towards his apartment my jaw dropped.

For starters because who knew something like this existed in Forks, or rather just outside of Forks.

Second of all this place looked expensive as hell. Edward was a sub teacher at a public school, there is no way he could afford this.

I thought back to Alice and all the shopping she could afford at all the designer shops and that's when it hit me. The Cullen's had money, lots of money.

I looked again at the high rise building, that looked shiny and new, with glass windows at the front, it looked more like a hotel, than an apartment building. I looked over at Edward with my mouth still hanging open like a fish.

He didn't seem to notice as he focused all his attention on driving us below ground to the parking. I forced my mouth to shut, not wanting to look like a complete idiot.

When he parked and turned of the car pulling the key out of the ignition he turned to me.

"Stay here, I'll be right back." I nodded in return.

He hopped out of the driver side and ran towards the trunk of the car. I looked in the mirror to see him pull out my duffle bag, slinging it over his shoulder before heading over to my side of the car.

He pulled the door open and bent down to scoop me up, I wiggled a little.

"Edward put me down, I'm fine, I can walk." I grumbled as he shut the door and pressed the button to lock the car.

"Well I don't know about that, I'm sure you could probably limp your way around but this is much more fun." He smiled at me.

I gave up the fight, Knowing I wasn't going to win and not really wanting to anyway. I let out a huff, pretending to be annoyed and he just kept on smiling.

Jerk,...stupid, perfect jerk...My stupid, perfect jerk. I couldn't prevent the smile although I tried to pout but the corners of my lips just kept lifting up into a smile. He chuckled at me.

We walked towards the elevator at the far end of the car park, well Edward walked, I got carried. We were the only people around so we were alone in the elevator. It was a shiny silver, so shiny I could see our reflection.

Once inside Edward walked over to the buttons. I frowned. There were a number of buttons for emergency, stop, hold the doors etc but there were only two buttons for the levels.

That made absolutely no sense because this building was so tall it must of had at the very least ten floors but there on the buttons was **P** for parking which is where we were now and then **G** which I assumed stood for ground floor.

Edward pressed the **G**. I turned my head to look at him as the elevator started to move.

"Edward, why is there only two floors?" I asked looking like an idiot. His brow furrowed and he looked at the buttons before looking back at me with a look of understanding.

"Oh...Because this elevator only goes to the main lobby...Reception, then we take the main elevator to my apartment." _WHAT!_

Did he just say reception...Main lobby. We had to go to the main lobby. I looked down at myself suddenly remembering that I was in my pajamas.

A ratty old t-shirt and a pair of boy shorts. I was covered in bandages. God only knows what my hair looks like and Edward was bloody carrying me in his arms...and we were about to step out into the god damn main lobby of a seriously expensive and posh apartment building.

_SHIT!_

Before I could tell Edward to forget it, That we should go back down stairs and sleep in his car I heard the unmistakable ding sound of the bell that signals your arrival at the right floor and suddenly the doors opened and I wanted to die right there.

Edward stepped out of the elevator without a care in the world, while I was about to have a panic attack. I looked around and everything was shiny metal and marble.

The roof was painted white with elegant brown and gold swirls and circles and I saw more than one chandelier hanging from the ceiling.

The room was large and open, to the left was the main entrance which was done in all glass and had one of those big twisty door things that you only see at the most expensive places.

A man in a black uniform with gold on the cuffs of his sleeves and a hat on his head stood at the entrance, Jesus they had a doorman.

To the right at the end of the room sat the reception desk made of marble, behind it stood two people: A tall man with a dark complexion and almost black hair and beside him sat a woman. She was thin, with shoulder length blonde hair and completely perfect make-up.

When Edward stepped out of the Elevators I noticed a man or rather a security guard who stood watch. He nodded at Edward, obviously recognizing him.

Edward started walking towards the reception desk and I noticed that all heads were turned towards us. I felt myself blush.

I felt like I'm sure Vivian did when she first entered the hotel in _Pretty Woman_. Except for the hooker part of course. I wasn't a prostitute and yet I felt just as out of place.

I burrowed further into Edward hoping not to be noticed...it was already too late of course. The man and woman behind the counter looked away from us, They looked at one another with raised eyebrows before turning back to stare at us.

The woman looked me up and down before giving me a hard stare that clearly said_ what is someone like her doing here with him. _I burrowed further into Edwards t-shirt and in return he squeezed me tighter.

When we reached the desk the woman turned her harsh eyes away from me and looked at Edward with a completely different expression.

"Mr. Cullen..." She almost purred at him. Edward tensed at the sound of her voice.

"Jane." He said in a rather formal tone. _Thank God he doesn't like her._

"What Can I _do_ for you Mr. Cullen." She said, both Edward and I did not miss her innuendo.

"Are there any messages for me?" Edward asked, straight to the point.

"No sir, not yet, anything else I can do for you?" She asked leaning way too far over the counter for it to be appropriate. The top button of her blouse was open and her breasts pushed together as she leaned forward for all to see.

_Slut._ I almost screamed in my head!

"yes actually there is.." Edward said coolly.

"This is Bella Swan, she is a guest of mine, I want it to be recorded that she is allowed entrance to my apartment when ever she desires, without question is that understood." He said completely ignoring her advances and her breasts.

Just like that I felt better, less self conscious. That was my boyfriend **mine** and even with a pair of breasts that were clearly fake practically thrown in his face his attention still remained on me.

I sat up straighter in his arms and looked Jane in the eye, giving her a smile that said _Hah, Back off bitch, he's all mine!_

She bristled as if she couldn't believe that he didn't even look at her tits once.

"Yes sir, I'll put that down on record right now, have a good evening." She said sourly, clearly we had been dismissed.

I chuckled to myself and smiled up at Edward.

"Thank You Jane" He called over his shoulder as we walked towards the elevator that would bring us to his apartment.

When we entered the elevator he took a key from his back pocket and put it into a slot on the panel with all of the buttons. He twisted it to the left before pressing number **16**, which just happened to be the top floor.

Wasn't the top floor of places like this like big huge places, penthouses or whatever they liked to call them. _Holy shit,_ Edward really had a lot of money.

When the ding chimed and the doors slid open we entered a hallway with only one door to the left and at the opposite end of the hallway, to the right sat another door.

This wasn't like other apartments where you had a number of apartments on one floor, there was only two and I'm guessing they were huge.

Edward carried me to the door on the left. The door was plain white and 16A was etched in gold. He placed the same Key he used in the elevator into the lock on the door, twisted and pulled the key back out before twisting the door knob and pushing the door open with his foot.

It was a little bit of a juggle to do with me in his arms and I couldn't help but chuckle at him. He smiled as we entered the apartment and he kicked the door shut behind him.

I had yet to look away from his eyes.

"Welcome home." He whispered. _Home_ I liked the sound of that. I shook myself out of it and looked around the apartment. My mouth dropping open.

We appeared to be in a living room which was definitely bigger that the one in Charlie's walls were cream and a few paintings hung there in browns and beiges, the odd bit of rusty orange.

A large flat screen television hung from the wall at the far end of the room and beside it sat a large set of shelves that housed tons on DVDs. Two Large golden lamps stood at each end of that wall.

There was a large window on the wall straight ahead to allow in light and there in the centre of the room sat a large chocolate brown suede couch.

The room was so elegant and beautiful that it really seemed like there was no way Edward had decorated it, it looked like it had been done professionally.

I looked at Edward to see him looking around the room, shrugging his shoulders uncomfortably.

"Eh...Esme...My mom, she eh, decorated most of this place." He said shrugging.

"She is very talented, its beautiful." I answered honestly.

He looked away from the room and directly into my eyes.

"Yeah?" He asked.

"Yeah, it's modern with a touch of old, the colors are warm and inviting, the entire layout is extremely elegant and yet comfortable, it's ...homely." I said.

He smiled a brilliant smile.

"I'm really glad that you like it." He murmured leaning in to peck me on the lips. He pulled back and I pouted.

"I **really really really** like it Edward." I continued pouting.

"Well in that case." He smiled at me before leaning in and giving me another kiss, this one was much deeper and lasted much longer.

When we finally managed to pull our lips apart me were both panting.

"Care for a tour?" Edward asked giving me that crooked smile, as if I'd ever say no. He gave me a tour of the apartment, refusing to let me walk around. I seriously don't know how his arms weren't killing him.

The rest of the apartment was just as beautiful as the living room. The kitchen was all stainless steel and had everything a chef could ever dream of, I nearly cried when I saw it , it was so beautiful, I could picture myself cooking in there.

The guest room was white and pale green and it was absolutely perfect. It had a double bed, a wardrobe and a bedside table not to mention it's own en suite that was done in matching colors.

The en suite had an amazing jet shower that I seriously wanted to try out.

Edward also had an office/Library. The walls were a dark red and one wall was taken up by bookshelves that housed well over a hundred books. The large mahogany desk in the centre of the room matched the bookshelves and it had a large red padded twisty chair to go with it.

I could picture Edward sitting there reading a book or correcting papers and it made me flush.

But above all the rooms, Edwards bedroom was my favorite Because it was the room that was mostly him. It was the only room that he decorated himself.

He showed it to me last. It was large and the walls were dark blue, almost navy, one wall was made completely of glass and the view was magnificent, another wall was taken up by a sound system and cases beyond cases of CDs.

The bed clothes were pale blue and white with designs and the material looked extremely soft. His wardrobe was mahogany as well as his bed side table where a photo of him with Alice and I assumed Emmett, Esme and Carlisle sat.

Numerous photo's hung on the walls. Ones of him and Alice as well as Emmett, Carlisle and Esme. I looked at each and every one of them, he told me the story behind some of them.

He froze when we came to a picture of a couple who were in none of the other photographs.

I studied the people closely. The woman had long almost bronze hair and a kind smile, while the man had brown hair, high cheekbones and stunning green eyes. These were Edwards parents.

"That's my parents...my biological parents." He murmured, staring at the picture. I squeezed his arms that were around me.

I looked down at him, I wanted to comfort him but I couldn't do that from my position.

"Will you put me down, your arms must be starting to hurt." I whispered into his ear. He complied, gently putting me down onto my feet, looking closely into my eyes. I flinched when I tried to put pressure on my left foot, my cuts still stinging.

Edward flinched as well before picking me back up and carrying me towards his bed sitting me on the edge and sitting beside me.

"Will you tell me about them?" I asked, pulling his hand into mine, resting it on my knee. I played with his fingers as he told me how his mothers name was Elizabeth and she always smelt like cookies, because every day she would cook a batch for when his father came home.

He said that she had the most beautiful voice ever and that when she smiled she had dimples that made it impossible not to smile also.

His father Antony was a business man, he worked hard and long hours but despite that he always made time for family, he refused to work on Sunday, that was Father Son day and nothing ever stopped it from happening.

He taught Edward to play baseball, and football. Antony loved his family and adored his wife above all else.

He spoke about the accident, how sad and scared he was when they were gone, how lonely he felt until Esme his aunt, his mothers sister and Carlisle took him in.

They had one son already Emmett but due to complications during birth Esme was unable to conceive again and how When his parents died they took him in with open arms, two years later they adopted him and Alice came along.

She was adopted also and he loved her from the moment he first met her.

"You all love each other so much." I whispered. At this point we were both lying down on his bed facing each other, so close together that I could feel each of his breaths.

"We do, I'm so very lucky to have them, I don't know where I would be without them." I snuggled closer to him, pressing my face into the crook of his neck laying a kiss there, he wrapped his arms around me and squeezed.

"What happened today Bella?" He asked gently. I knew that he was referring to the incident earlier at my house. I didn't panic when he asked the question, I knew sooner or later he was going to ask.

"I had a panic attack." I whispered. He squeezed me tighter.

"I have them sometimes ever since the accident." I didn't know what else to say.

"What happened?" He murmured. So I told him, I told him the full story from the beginning.

_Daniel and I were twins, He was born first, so he was slightly older and never let me forget it. One day back in phoenix...it was a Monday and like everyday in phoenix it was sunny, so sunny. I'd had an argument with my mother, which wasn't a rare occurrence and I just needed to get out. I begged Daniel to let me borrow his car, I didn't have one. He agreed that I could borrow it and drive only if I took him with me, so I agreed. He sat in the passenger seat and it was the biggest mistake, I could of ever made, making him sit there while I drove._

_We had been driving around for about fifteen minutes, just driving, going nowhere. I was still so mad at her, I was fuming. Daniel tried to talk to me tell me that it was just who she was, she had a few drinks and she was being a bitch, tomorrow she'd feel bad about it. He told me I should just forget about it, that we were family and that's what family did. He was right of course but I was just so angry. I snapped at him._

_I told him he didn't understand because nothing he did was ever bad, whereas nothing I did would ever be good enough. He didn't know what to say because we both knew I was right. He tried to lighten the mood by teasing me about a boy I went to school with. But it just pissed me off even more._

_"Shut up." I growled. Daniel laughed from the seat beside me and that just made me angrier. "I hate you." I yelled. "Your seriously the most annoying brother ever." I snapped. "yeah but you love me." Daniel laughed. "No, I really don't." I answered with venom in my voice I looked over to see him sitting in his seat with a cocky grin._

_I was still angry but seeing him looking all smug and whispering "Yes you do, I'm your favorite brother, Your only brother. You have to love me." I couldn't help but smile. I ignored him. "I'm sorry jingle bells,come on forgive a guy." he smiled. _

_"No." I muttered._

_"I'm your big brother, you don't have a choice, it's practically law that you must forgive your big brother."_

_I snorted._

_"You are like ten seconds older than me it doesn't count."_

_"What, that's not true, I have a few minutes on you. That makes me older so hah. "He teased._

_"Please forgive me jingle Bells." He pouted._

_I couldn't help but smile at that, I never could stay angry at him for long. I was about to turn and smile at him but I never got the chance._

_"Bella!" he yelled. I turned to look at him and I could see the lights of the truck, coming straight at the passenger side, straight at Daniel. He was looking straight at me, staring into my eyes and I could see how scared he was, in those split seconds, I saw fear like I had never saw it before. The truck hit and everything went dark._

"I woke up in the hospital two days later and Charlie was there to tell me that Daniel was dead. Renee couldn't even stand to see me, she was at home, too distraught to get out of bed." I ended my story, tears on my cheeks.

It was the first time that I had ever told it in full, to anyone.

Edward didn't say anything, he just held me, perhaps about ten minutes later he spoke.

"And what happened today in your room?" He asked again.

I sighed.

"I received a call from Renee. I've been emailing since I came to Forks, sending the odd text, last week I tied calling. She hasn't been returning my emails or texts and I just wanted to know how she was, if she was okay.

She called my back but she had obviously been drinking, which she now does a lot of. She wanted to now why I called and she told me to stop." I looked up at Edward.

"There is something that I didn't tell you about my moving to Forks." I mumbled.

"What is it Bella?" He asked gently.

"I didn't decide to move here myself, Renee made me move...well asked me to move." I muttered.

"What? Why would she do that?" He sounded angry.

"At first I thought that she just needed time, that because we were twins I reminded her of Daniel too much, so I moved without too much of a fight but then today she told me the reason she asked me to move here was because she couldn't stand to look at me because she blames me, she blames me for Daniels death."

Her words from earlier rang through my head _My son is dead because of you!_

"She told me to stop trying to get into contact with her to stop reminding her of my existence. She thinks that I'm doing it for attention." I murmured.

I looked at Edward and he looked murderous.

"She told you it was your fault." He stated, his jaw clenching trying to contain the anger.

"Yeah, she said 'My son is dead because of you!' " I whispered.

Edward growled, he honest to God growled.

"If, I ever get my hands on that woman, I swear to God, I won't be able to hold back." He said to himself. I kept quite letting him work through his anger.

I hated that a part of me wanted to defend Renee. To say it wasn't her fault, That she was grieving, drunk, That she would have never said those things if she were sober but the truth is I don't know if she would.

I can't remember the last time she had been sober. Maybe she wouldn't have said it but she probably would have been thinking it.

After Edward calmed back down he pulled back and held my face in his palms.

"You know that it wasn't your fault, don't You?" He asked staring into my eyes.

"I..." I hesitated unsure of what to say.

His eyes suddenly became filled with sadness and I didn't understand why.

"Baby, look at me." He said sitting up, I did the same and he grabbed my hands in both of his.

"This is not your fault, that day was not your fault. It was an accident " He said it with so much force that I know he believed it whole heartedly.

"I shouldn't have been driving, if I had stayed at home, or if I let Daniel drive he would be here." I said my voice quivering.

"Your right, If Daniel were driving he would be here, but you wouldn't, you would be dead and Daniel would be living with the guilt that you are now. Guilt can eat you alive Bella."

I would never want Daniel to have the guilt that I felt, I know how much it hurt and I would never want anyone to feel that way.

"I just have so many regrets." I almost sobbed.

"I know you do and that's okay. I have regrets about my parents too Bella. I know you have a lot of regrets and that's fine, everyone does but don't feel guilty for living, for surviving. If there is one thing I believe it's that we should never wish for things to change because I believe that things happen for a reason, even if at times there doesn't seem to be a point, there always is."

He said sincerely.

"But how can you believe that Edward, how can you believe that there was a reason your parents died or that Daniel is dead, what possible reason could make that okay." I asked.

"Nothing makes it okay Bella, It's not fair that they are gone...it's just the way that it is, it's life...it's never fair or okay but if my biological parents had never died, I never would have had Esme and Carlisle. I'd have no Alice or Emmett. I wouldn't be the person that I am right at this moment, I'd be someone completely different.." I would never want Edward to be someone else...that would be terrible.

"As for Daniel's Death, You would never have moved back to Forks, you would never have gotten the opportunity to spend time with your father and I would have never met you Bella, we would have never met. You have a whole life ahead of you, of people you have yet to meet and each person you meet, you will change their life somehow, you will have an impact be it good or bad, but I believe that all of those things were meant to happen. We were meant to happen Bella. So don't ever wish that it was different."

He was so right, in everything he said. I would never wish that I had never met Edward, I can't imagine my life without him.

"Sometimes I just can't help but feel guilty, sometimes I just can't stop it." I murmured.

"I know baby, so you just have to keep reminding yourself that it was not your fault, You are just one person. It was not your fault." he stroked my cheek.

_it wasn't my fault. It was not my fault._ It felt good even just to think it to myself.

I wanted to believe Edward and a part of me did, rationally I knew that it wasn't my fault, but there was still some guilt left behind and I suppose the only thing to get rid of it would be time.

I didn't feel completely guiltless, there were still some things I did feel guilty about but for the first time I felt like Renee was wrong about me. It was not my fault that Daniel was dead.

"It is not my fault." I whispered. Edward stroked my cheek again.

"No baby, It isn't your fault." He whispered back.

"It's not my fault." God the relief I felt at saying it out loud. I felt as if a huge weight had been taken off of my shoulders.

I didn't want to stop.

"It's not my fault, it's not my fault." I kept saying it and Edward reached up to wipe away my tears, kissing my cheeks.

I hugged him to my chest.

"It's not my fault Edward, It's not my fault." Suddenly I was smiling through my tears because I was so happy, I felt so light. He joined me in my laughter.

"God, I love you, your amazing." He froze the moment he said it, so I knew for a fact he hadn't meant to say it aloud.

I had two choices :

One. I could ignore it and pretend I didn't hear it.

Two. I could say it back.

I already knew what I was going to do. Edward Loved me...He was in love with me. _Oh God he actually loves me._

"Say it again." I whispered.

He squeezed me in his hug.

"I love you." He whispered in my ear.

I pulled back from him and he seemed panicked for a second before I launched myself at him, kissing every available surface of his face.

"Oh God, I love you too, I love you too Edward." He grabbed my head with his hands and pulled my lips towards his. Our kiss was frantic and oh so passionate.

He sucked my bottom lip between his lips and I in return bit his top lip gently. He groaned it sent butterflies to my stomach. Our lips fought each other for dominance before I gave in, I'd always give in.

I could feel our teeth hitting each other as we tried to get closer. It was impossible but that didn't stop us from trying.

I was running out of air, I tried sucking in breaths between our locked lips but it didn't work, Edward seeing my struggle pulled away and leaned his forehead against mine.

We were both panting. Eventually when our breathing calmed he leaned in and pecked my lips. Saying "I love you." as he pulled away.

"I love You too." I smiled.

We moved back up the bed sitting against the headboard, staring into each others eyes with the goofiest smiles on both of our faces.

His brow furrowed.

"Bella, You never actually told me what happened today, with your room." He asked.

I laughed because he was completely right. It was the very first question that he had asked but I got side tracked.

"Sorry, I guess you distracted me." He smiled at me.

"It was so worth it." I laughed and pushed his shoulder.

"It so was." I mumbled

I sat back, serious again.

"After the phone call with my mother I cried for a while and then I was angry. Just so angry about everything, I don't really get angry, and I've certainly never been angry like I was tonight." I stated.

"Why were you angry?" He asked.

"I was angry about just everything I guess, about Daniels death, being forced to move to Forks, Renee never really being there for me but what really pissed me off is that despite her never acting like a mother she feels that she can treat me like that.

I somehow expected something different from her, I shouldn't have and that made me angry.

For the first time tonight I saw how she truly feels and you know what Edward, I don't deserve it, the way she has treated me. I deserve better. I know that now.

The anger just took over and I needed to get rid of it somehow, I picked up a shoe and threw it and it felt so good...I guess it all kind of escalated from there." Edward was paying close attention.

"Can't really say I'm surprised, you had months, hell maybe even years of pent up tension and anger it was bound to blow up eventually. I just have one question." He said.

"What?" I asked curiously.

"Why the shoe...what did it ever do to you?" He asked it so seriously that for a couple of seconds I just sat staring at him before I eventually burst out into laughter. He joined in.

We laughed for a few minutes needing it, to lift all of the tension from the last few hours.

I was glad to see that even in the middle of a serious conversation like this one we could still make each other laugh.

"So after I calmed down and looked around, I felt extremely guilty. I had a panic attack and well you know the rest." He nodded at me.

"I'm glad that you called me." He said seriously.

"So am I." I really was glad that I had called him.

"What time does Charlie get back tomorrow?" He asked. I sighed thinking that I never wanted this moment to end.

"Not until 9:00 pm, I'm going to have to go back tomorrow and clean up the mess I made, before he gets back."

"I'll help you." Edward offered.

"Thank you, that would be great as long as you don't have anything else to do!"

"I have a few papers to correct but I can do those at Charlie's after we are done."

He leaned over and kissed my head.

"Okay."

"Are you going to tell him what happened?" He asked curiously.

I thought about it for a few seconds before sighing to myself.

"Yeah, I'm going to have to, I destroyed some of my stuff, he'll notice that it's gone and I'm covered in cuts that he will see, besides he has a right to know."

Edward nodded his head like he agreed.

"Good." He murmured.

He looked over at the alarm on his bed side dresser. It read 12:07 pm. Wow we had talked for a long time.

He turned to face me looking nervous all of a sudden.

"It's getting late we should go to bed...you can...em...stay in here...with me, if you'd like." I looked up at him, his nervousness was so cute.

"Or...if not you can sleep in the guest room." He rushed. I remained silent just looking at him, trying not to burst out laughing

"Or you...you could stay in here and I'll sleep on the floor...or the guest room..." he stuttered. I interrupted him before he could go into full on panic. I wanted to laugh at his cuteness but I refrained not wanting to embarrass him.

"I'll stay in here with you...in the bed, if that's okay?" I asked with a small smile.

"Yeah, that's good, yep." I couldn't hold back my laugh any longer.

He looked at me in astonishment.

"You were playing me...Getting enjoyment out of my awkwardness." He stated as if he couldn't believe I could do something like that.

"Yep, I sure was." I giggled.

"You are one sick puppy, Bella Swan." That made me laugh even harder and he soon joined in.

When we both calmed down he got off the bed and turned to me.

"I'm going to go get changed." He said pointing towards the bathroom. I just nodded as he walked toward his chest of drawers and pulled some things out. I watched from behind as he walked towards the bathroom closing the door behind him.

He was in love with me and he knew everything and he still loved me. It made me love him more. I sat in contentment on the bed waiting for him to return. I still couldn't believe I was in his apartment, in his bed. It was all so surreal.

The door to the bathroom opened and he walked out before switching off the bathroom light. My jaw dropped at the sight of him. He wore a plain white t-shirt and a pair of grey boxer briefs. What is it about boxer briefs that I found so appealing.

I mean I sort of found briefs slightly un-sexy and boxers were just boxers, nothing special, kind of boring but boxer briefs...wow it's like they were painted onto his skin. They clung to his muscled thighs.

And despite the fact that I could see from here that Edward didn't have an erection, I could tell Edward Jr was rather large.

Just how big would he be when he was hard, how would he ever fit, not that I planned on having sex tonight. I wasn't exactly ready for that yet, I was still a virgin.

But not virgin enough to know that Edward Jr was definitely bigger than average.

That was when I realized that I had been staring directly at his penis for god knows how long. I blushed before looking up to see if he had noticed.

His sexy smirk told me that he had.

"Like what you see?" He asked seductively.

"I...yeah...You.." _Oh god._

"Look who's stuttering now love." He teased. That snapped me out of it.

"Shut up." I mumbled, still blushing. He laughed as he walked towards the door of the bedroom located opposite the bed, switching of the light.

The room was bathed in moonlight that filtered in through the glass wall, so I could still see Edward clearly as he walked towards the bed.

"Which side do you want?" I asked not knowing if he had a preference.

"Either, I'm not fussy." Was his reply. He was so perfect. I stayed where I was on the right hand side closest to the bedroom door.

I sat up as Edward helped me pull back the covers, we both climbed in before pulling them back over us. I shivered from the cold material.

We turned on our sides and Edward wrapped an arm around me and pulled me towards him. My back was pressed against his chest and I could feel each breath that he took.

So this is what spooning felt like. It was way better than I could ever have imagined.

"I love you." I whispered into the silence.

He wrapped both arms around me and I held his forearms with my hands.

"I love you too Bella, Goodnight." He whispered before kissing the back of my neck.

I snuggled closer to him.

"Goodnight Edward." With that I fell into the best sleep I've ever had. Nightmare free for the first time in months, wrapped up in the arms of the man I loved.

That was what heaven felt like.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Well here it is! This was by far the easiest chapter for me to write, it just flew right out of me. They have finally said those all important words and things are starting to look up.

A lot happened in this chapter and therefore it is the longest chapter I've written so far...Over 7,000 words. Yay me! So I hope you enjoyed it!

Don't forget to review!

xxx Aoife


	18. You're My Everything

**All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended!**

**Song for this chapter: Everything By Michael Bublé**

* * *

><p><strong>BPOV-<strong>

I woke to the sound of rain hitting glass...the window. I groaned aloud. _Typical Forks...Typical rain._ I yawned and suddenly it all came back to me. Forks, Glass...Edward. I was in Edwards apartment, In Edwards bed.

I had yet to open my eyes but I could feel something underneath me and it certainly didn't feel like a mattress.

I carefully opened one eye as I remembered that we had left the curtains open last night and Edward had a glass wall in his room, if there was even the smallest bit of sunlight it would be shining in fully and I didn't want to blind myself.

Upon opening one eye I realized that it was dark and cloudy outside, of course the pitter patter of the rain should have told me that. I opened both eyes and came face to face with the clock on the nightstand beside Edwards bed it read 8:27 am.

_Holy crap!_ That's the latest I had slept in for as long as I can remember. My nightmares never allowed me to sleep long 7:00 am was the latest if I was lucky. I couldn't believe I'd slept the entire night, nightmare free.

I looked down to see what I was lying on top of and just as I suspected it was Edward...Edwards chest to be specific. He lay on his back and I was partially to his left... mostly on top of him. His left arm was wrapped around my waist and his right arm was resting at his side.

My breasts and my head lay resting on his chest and our feet were tangled together.

_Pure heaven_. I wanted to stay there like that forever, with my nose buried into his t-shirt inhaling his scent, but of course my body had other plans.

My bladder felt like it was going to burst any second, had I been standing I would have been doing the pee pee dance at this point...you know the one where you hold your crotch and jump in the same spot.

We've all done it at some point in our lives.

I groaned...

First with trying to hold it in because it would be oh so un sexy to pee myself in Edwards bed...Can you imagine trying to explain that.

and second because that I was going to have to move from this perfect spot and I really didn't want to.

My bladder gave another ache telling me to Get the fuck up! _God damn Bladder!_

I slowly reached my left hand out and carefully retracted Edwards arm from my waist. I gently placed it down on the bed and sighed in relief when he didn't wake.

Next step...freeing my legs. This was going to be more difficult, I could hardly tell who's leg was belonged to who, Thank god Edwards legs were so hairy other wise I would have been fucked to distinguish between them.

His right leg was thrown on top of my left. I carefully slid mine out without much trouble. I looked down to see that my right leg was trapped under his left, it was numb so I knew as soon as I freed it I was going to have a major case of pins and needles.

I tried to smoothly slide my leg free, but of course with it being numb and me being so clumsy my toes got caught of his ankle. He groaned and rolled over...away from me. I froze for a second until his small snores started back up, he was so cute.

His little bum (Firm...perky...bum) was up in the air slightly as he lay on his stomach and it took all of my self control not to pinch it or slap it...I really wanted to but I was a complete lady and silently moved from the bed.

As I stood from the bed I raised my hands up in the air yelling a silent _Freedom!_ in my head before I took my first step...of course I forgot about my numb leg and fell straight down with a heavy thump on the floor.

Then the pins and needle started and I had to bite my fist to stop from yelling out a seriously loud FUCK!

I stayed quiet listening to see if I had woke Edward, his soft snores continued so I knew it was safe to move. I stood up and limped my way to the bathroom cursing my dead leg along the way.

I sighed in relief when I finally exited the bathroom, both bladder and leg happy at last.

I slowly climbed back into bed and snuggle up to Edward. Even in sleep he must have sensed me there as he turned over and threw his arm over me again. I sighed in contentment.

_Heaven._

I just sat and stared at him for a while, I'm sure I looked crazy but I couldn't have cared less. I just lay down with my head propped up by my elbow.

At 9:07 am Edwards snores stopped and one of his eyes popped open. He looked up at me as I smiled down at him from where I was.

"Hi" He said groggily, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. His voice was gruff from sleep. God he was the cutest thing ever. _And he was all mine!_

"Hi" I mumbled.

"How are you feeling, are your cuts sore?" He asked.

"They feel fine, honestly I forgot all about them." I said looking down at the bandages on my hands. They truly didn't hurt anymore.

"That's good, How long have you been up?" He yawned.

"A while" Was my reply.

"How long have you been staring at me?"

"I'm not staring...I'm gazing." I smiled goofily.

"It's creepy" He croaked.

"It's romantic."

He snorted.

"You are such a goofball." He teased.

"What, I am not, Is that even a real word?" I mocked offence.

"You are so, and of course it's real I'm an English teacher...Look it up in a dictionary and right there under goofball it says Bella Swan." He laughed.

I sat up in the bed and grabbed one of my pillows before smacking him over the head with it.

He sat up quickly, eyes wide, mouth hanging open looking shocked that I'd actually done that to him. So I whacked him over the head again for good measure. That quickly rid him of his shock.

"Oh, that's it you are in so much trouble Swan." He warned picking up his pillow, he followed through by hitting me in the shoulder, next thing I knew we were in a full on pillow war.

Eventually I gave in admitting that he was the king of pillow wars and that he was of course a genius so the word goofball must be real. Of course I admitted those things under duress, against my own free will.

After that we just lay in bed together relaxing, we talked about nothing for a while, just random things at Ten o' Clock we decided to get up and get something to eat.

I insisted on making breakfast because not only did I really love cooking, I wanted to cook in Edwards kitchen because that thing was awesome it had everything a person could think of in there and I couldn't wait to dig in.

After finally giving in and agreeing to let me make breakfast Edward decided to have a quick shower while I worked. I stood in the kitchen in my t-shirt and boy shorts tying to decide what to make. He had the ingredients for pancakes, I figured pancakes were good. Everyone likes pancakes right?

I noticed an Ipod dock on the counter and Edward's Ipod sat in it. I figured a little music while I worked would be good and I knew Edward wouldn't mind, so I switched it on and clicked on a random play list.

Van Morrison's_ Brown eyed Girl_ came on as I got to work on mixing the batter. When the pancakes were finished I placed the in the oven to keep them warm for a few minutes as cut up a few strawberries.

The song _Everything _By Michael Bublé came on and I couldn't stop myself from swinging my hips a little. By the time the chorus came along I had put the knife down and I was bobbing away to the music.

**_And in this crazy life _**

**_And through these crazy times_**

**_Its you, Its you_**

**_You make me sing_**

**_You're every line _**

**_You're every word_**

**_You're everything_**

I was jumping up and down and then I started twirling in the same spot my hair flying out widely around me, I nearly had a heart attack when I heard someone join in singing along.

I spun around and Edward was walking towards me singing along to the lyrics. I stood still, mesmerized by his voice._ Of course he could sing...is there anything he can't do?_

He was fully dressed in jeans and a grey t-shirt, but his feet were bare and his hair was still wet from his shower. What was it about jeans and barefeet on men that is so God damn sexy?

He came right up to me and took my hands in his and forced me to twirl, I couldn't contain my laugh.

He pulled me back in towards him when Michael Bublé sang **_And I can't believe that I'm your man._**

He leaned in and kissed me as he sang the next line **_And I get to kiss you baby just because I can. _**I laughed aloud. He smiled at me as he grabbed one of my hands and placed one of his on my waist.

We danced around the kitchen for the remainder of the song and I've never felt so great in my entire life, I've never felt so loved. I couldn't stop smiling.

I don't usually dance except the odd time when I'm alone. Usually I just feel to awkward, it's like I've got two left feet and while dancing I look like what I imagine a chicken having a seizure looks like...not a pretty site.

But with Edward I didn't feel like that, I didn't feel self conscious. I felt free...Happy.

Eventually the song came to a close and the next song started, we were about to continue dancing until we both realized what the song was: _Murder City_ by Green Day.

We both froze and looked at each other before we burst out laughing. Consider the romantic moment over.

I took a step back from him and played a little air guitar and threw in a few head bangs for good measure, he was in hysterics laughing at me. I walked over to the Ipod and turned the volume down low. I turned to see Edward standing at the press grabbing plates.

"This is finished." I said nodding towards the oven.

"I hope you like pancakes?" I asked nervously. His jaw dropped open.

"You made me pancakes?" I nodded in reply.

"Plain pancakes?" Again I nodded. He groaned.

"Oh god, marry me right now, and vow to make me pancakes for the rest of my life...I knew there was a reason I loved you." He said trying to sound completely serious.

I blushed...Clearly Edward love pancakes...Duly noted.

I picked up the cloth from the counter and smacked him with it before calling him a "Goofball"

We sat down to pancakes, fruit and a nice glass of orange juice. We ate in comfortable silence until I decided to break it with something that I had been going over in my head.

"So...I was thinking maybe I should tell Charlie." I mumbled.

"About what?" He asked around a mouthful of pancakes.

"About us." I said. Edward started choking on the bit of pancake he was swallowing. I jumped up and smacked him on the back. He held his hand out signaling that he was okay.

"Oh god Edward are you alright, I'm so sorry.." I rushed.

" I'm fine." He croaked with tears in his eyes.

I Jumped up and quickly got him a glass of water rushing back to hand it to him. He took a big gulp before coughing.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked feeling guilty. _Way to guy Bella, kill the guy why don't you!_

"I'm fine, I promise, just went down the wrong tube is all...So yeah what were you saying, Charlie...Yeah do you think that's a good idea?" He asked nervously.

"Well, I don't really like lying to him and Alice knows, your going to have to tell your family soon, and sooner or later Charlie is going to find out, I figure it's best we tell him before anyone else does and we tell him soon, so he can't be too angry that we kept it a secret for too long." I said anxiously.

"No, I agree with everything you are saying it's just that well I'm a little bit older than you, I used to be your teacher and well...um...Your Dad has a gun." He muttered the last part quietly as if someone might here him.

"He isn't going to be happy about it, but he won't shoot you Edward." I laughed rolling my eyes.

"No, Of course you're right, of course, but he can get me fired, or God forbid stop you from seeing me." He added, reaching across the table to hold my hand.

"He wouldn't get you fired, I'd never allow it, he knows that would upset me and he won't want to hurt me. As for forbidding me to see you, I'm 18 years old he cannot dictate who I see, maybe who I bring into his house yes, but he cannot stop me from going out to you." I assured him.

Edward looked skeptical.

I sighed.

"I think telling him now is our best option, he will respect us more for coming clean and will be less likely to freak out if he hears it from me rather than someone else, trust me."

He nodded at me.

"Of course you're right, I do trust you and you know your father better than anyone, if you think it's best to tell him now we'll tell him now. When exactly are you going to tell him?" He asked.

"Tonight, I suppose is as good as any, He's going to be feeling bad for leaving me all weekend so that might help us a little bit." I hated manipulating my dad that way but you got to do what you got to do.

"Do you want me to be there with you?" He asked squeezing my hand.

"God no!" I nearly shouted. He jumped back.

"It's just that you being there will only make him angrier, he's going to be angry and I don't want to give him an excuse to take it out on you." I said in a much softer tone.

"Are you sure you don't want me there, cause if you do, I'll take the brunt of his anger if that means making you feel better." He said seriously. God I thought I couldn't possibly love him any more than I already did and he just proved me wrong.

"I love you and I love that you are willing to do that but I promise it's better that I'm alone, he wont do anything that would hurt me." I added.

"I know that Bella, I love you too." He said leaning forward and giving me a kiss.

Hmmm he tasted like strawberry and pancakes...so good. When we pulled apart I smiled at him.

"Would it be okay if I called you afterwards?" I asked.

"It may be quite late." I added.

"Of course baby, you can call me at anytime it doesn't matter if it's three in the morning Okay." He nodded.

"Okay."

When we finished breakfast Edward insisted on doing the dishes, claiming it was only fair that he wash because I cooked. I made my way to Edward's bathroom to take a shower.

On my way through the living room I notice a beautiful black grand piano at the opposite wall to the television, I hadn't noticed that last night. I wondered if Edward played or if Edward was any good.

The bathroom was the only room I hadn't saw last night as we had gotten distracted from finishing the tour, Of course I'd seen it this morning but I was in such a rush to get back to Edward that I hardly took notice.

Well I was looking now, it was huge. It had a massive black marbel counter with a built in white sink and presses, above the marble counter a large mirror hung on the wall.

The floor tiles were black and white marble and looked extremely expensive, they were also heated. Opposite the counter and sink sat the largest walk in shower I'd ever seen.

It looked like you could fit at least five people in there without them having to touch each other.

I started to imagine what it would be like to shower with Edward in there...We would definitely be touching let me tell you that. I sighed...one day.

I stripped down and looked down at myself remembering my bandages I carefully removed them from my hands and knees, they weren't too bad, my feet were a little bit worse. On my instep I had a large cut that was slightly red around it and sore to touch, it was healing.

Most of the other smaller cuts were already starting to form scabs, they would be gone in a few days.

I walked into the shower turning the knobs to switch it on to the right temperature. It stung a little at first but after a few minutes I was fine. I didn't bring any shampoo or anything with me so I used Edward's. It smelt like him, all manly. He didn't have conditioner of course...typical man.

I knew my hair would be in knots when I got out, but after I got another whiff of his shampoo, I couldn't find it in myself to really care. His body wash smelt like aftershave and although on Edward it was great, it was just way too manly for me so, I used the shampoo, hoping it didn't give me a rash and resigning myself to the fact that I was going to have to take another shower tonight.

I couldn't really go around smelling like a man...even if I loved the smell.

After I finished I wrapped myself in a towel and searched through Edwards cabinets hoping he wouldn't mind, thankfully I found a first aid box, there was a scissors in it so I cut some bandage off and wrapped my cuts up.

When I was done I put the first aid box back where I found it before walking out into Edwards bedroom to get my things out of my duffle bag, all that was in it was jeans, a t-shirt and my chucks. _crap!_

I remember now ,Edward packing my bag and asking if there was anything else I needed, I told him no...I clearly wasn't thinking straight, I had no underwear, no socks and definitely no toothbrush.

Shit what was I going to do I could wear my t-shirt without a bra but there was no way I could wear my jeans without any underwear, I knew that they would chafe. God this was so embarrassing.

I pulled the towel tighter around myself and headed towards the kitchen to find Edward. I found him sitting on the couch watching television. I walked up to him and cleared my throat blushing as red as the strawberries we had for breakfast this morning.

His eyes practically bugged out of his head as they looked me up and down paying particular attention to my legs and breasts, even though those babies were covered.

I cleared my throat again and his eyes shot up to look into my eyes, I'm almost sure he let out a little whimper.

"Eh...It appears that we forgot to pack few things last night...I erm...don't have any underwear." I blushed.

"Oh." He frowned.

"Well We could put your stuff from last night in the wash and dryer but it would be some time before the would be dry again." He looked flushed.

"Well, I was thinking...that maybe I could, you know borrow a pair of your boxers?" I said it like a question.

"Oh." He sat staring at me for a few seconds before snapping out of it.

"Yeah.." He almost squeaked before clearing his throat and trying again.

"Yeah, you can borrow a pair...come with me and I'll eh grab you some." He stood up and lead the way back to the bedroom.

He walked over to the chest of drawers and pulled open the first drawer and picking up a pair of grey boxer briefs, similar to the ones he wore last night. He handed them over to me.

"They should fit." He said with a smirk. I flushed.

"Thank you." I mumbled.

He stared at me for a few seconds.

"I eh don't have any bras...sorry about that but I do have socks if you need a pair." I laughed at him.

"Yeah socks would be great." I mumbled.

He pulled open the second drawer and dug around for a second before handing me a pair of plain black cotton socks.

"They are the smallest ones I have, They'll probably be too big."

We both looked at my feet then at his and laughed

"Yeah they'll be too big," He smiled. I stared down at Edwards feet _hmm so from what I saw last night it's true what they say, big feet means big...you know what._

"Thanks these are great I'm sure they will be fine." I added.

"Well my toothbrush is in the bathroom, if you want to use it, okay?" He said.

"I used your fist aid kit, I hope that's okay?" I asked holding up my bandaged hand.

"Yeah, that's fine." He frowned.

"I wish you had of called me...I would of done it for you." He added.

"I was fine but I'll make sure to call you next time." I smiled, he smiled as well. We stood in silence staring at each other for a few seconds.

" I'm just going to..." I said pointing towards the bathroom. I turned and headed for the bathroom carrying everything I would need with me.

Once inside I shut the door and dropped everything on the floor before heading to the sink and brushing my teeth with Edwards tooth brush.

We kiss all the time, touch tongues and swap spit but this some how seemed more intimate, I have no idea how, but I couldn't stop smiling as I brushed my teeth.

After that was done I threw on my t-shirt...it was weird to go bra less during the day. Next I pulled on Edwards boxers and surprisingly enough they fit...well apart from the bulge at the front that was for his...thingy. God I couldn't even think it to myself...penis, there that wasn't so hard.

_Edwards penis goes there_ and then I was blushing as soon as I realized what I had thought, and the thought that his...penis had probably been in these exact boxers made me blush harder.

God I was such a virgin.

I picked his socks up and pulled them on, they nearly came up to my knees. I couldn't help but laugh at myself.

I pulled my jeans on and then my converse and I was ready to go, I found a hairbrush on his counter and I thanked god that Edward had hair that was crazy enough that it apparently needed to be brushed other wise I would have had the absolute worst bad hair day in existence.

It took me a good five minutes to brush out all the knots. I put it back on the counter before heading to the bedroom.

Edward sat on the bed.

"All set?" He asked, I nodded.

"Does everything fit?"

I blushed thinking of the boxers.

"The socks are a little big." I said not mentioning the boxers at all. I pulled up the leg of my trousers to show him the socks.

"They are now knee high socks." He laughed at me.

"Come on lets go." He said hopping up from the bed. I threw my used things into the duffle bag before zipping it up and throwing it over my shoulder. Edward grabbed the strap and slung it over his own shoulder.

"I'll carry it for you." He smiled.

"Thank you." He took my hand as we walked towards his front door. I took everything in as we went, trying to burn everything about the apartment to memory, I must admit that I was rather sad to leave.

"You'll be back again." Edward said tugging on my hand to get my attention, he always knew what I was thinking and exactly what I needed to hear. I smiled_, yes I would be back again._

"I know." I nodded with a smile.

He shut the door behind us and locked it with his key before leading me to the elevator. This time he didn't need to use his key he simply pressed **G**.

The two people behind the desk at reception were different than the ones last night. We didn't stop and talk to them but the two men nodded their heads and gave Edward a greeting.

"Sir."

"Mr. Cullen."

It was too bad, I kind of wanted to see Jane now that I was fully dressed and walking maybe stick my tongue out at her and yell Ha bitch, Yeah he's all mine!...Maybe next time.

It was nearly 2:00 pm by the time we reached Charlie's house, we headed straight upstairs because we had a lot of work to do. We started by picking up the bits and pieces lying scattered on the floor.

Of course the first thing Edward picks up just happens to be one of my drawings, I had obviously thrown my sketchpad and a few pages had come loose.

I had tons of drawings of Edward in there.

I jumped up and rushed towards him.

"No don't look at that." I shouted but I was already too late. He was staring intently at the page in his hand.

He turned it around to show me, it was a pencil drawing of him sitting behind his desk at school, bent over correcting an essay.

I blushed at being discovered and ducked my head out of embarrassment.

"You drew this?" He asked shocked.

"Yeah." I mumbled shrugging, trying to act as if it was no big deal that he just saw one of my drawings...it was a big deal, only three other people had ever saw them: Renee, Charlie and Daniel.

"Wow." He blew out a breath.

And I looked up at him, away from my shoes.

"I mean I knew that you would be good, but Bella this is...amazing, you are so talented, I've never seen anything like it." I blushed at his compliment.

"Thank you." I mumbled shyly, I truly meant it, I can't express how much it meant to me that he liked my drawings.

"Can I see the rest of them?" He asked nodding towards the others scattered on the floor.

I shrugged.

"Yeah sure...But after we are done cleaning if you don't mind, I want to make sure we get finished. Is that okay?" I asked nervously.

"Yes." He nodded. He started picking up the other drawings, he didn't look at them he simply put then in a pile on my bed, following my wishes to wait till later. I loved him more than ever.

Two and a half hours later my room looked cleaner than it ever had before. As it turns out I hadn't done as much damage as originally thought. The only things that were broken were my lamp and the picture frame, everything else just managed to get scattered.

My box of charcoal was also in bits, but I expected that, it's so breakable, it usually happens when I draw, so of course actually throwing a box of it at the wall was bound to do some damage, I'd buy a new box when I had the money.

We put all of the broken pieces into the trash and put everything else into it's rightful place. Once we vacuumed we were all done. I let myself fall back onto the bed beside Edward with a groan, I was so tired after that.

Seriously what is it about cleaning that just sucks the energy right out of you?

"Tired?" Edward asked grinning down at me. I nodded as I pulled myself up to sit beside him, leaning back against the head board.

"Thank You for helping me tidy up, I'm sure this isn't exactly what you had in mind when you asked me to go out with you the other day." He laughed at me.

"I didn't mind helping, and when I asked you out, that was only so I could spend time with you, I don't care what we do as long as its together." He was too sweet.

I leaned over and kissed him deeply, sucking his bottom lip into my mouth, enjoying his flavor. I pulled back.

"I love you."

"I love you too." He mumbled before leaning in for another kiss. We made out for about twenty minutes before Edwards stomach growled. I laughed pulling back.

"I'm sorry, I've neglected you, making you work hard all day and then not feeding you, I'm a terrible girlfriend."

Edward fake pouted, agreeing with me. I leaned in and kissed him to show him just how sorry I was.

"Pizza?" I asked. He nodded.

"What do you want on it?" We both looked at each other before yelling out Pepperoni and laughing.

We just talked until the pizza came, Edward paid for it claiming that he asked me out so it was only fair. I just let him away with it, I'd pay next time.

Edward laughed as I picked my pepperoni off and I explained that I loved pepperoni pizza, without the pepperoni. He claimed that then it was just a cheese pizza but that's not true because I don't like cheese pizza but I like pepperoni pizza with the pepperoni picked off.

He called me weird and I didn't disagree, it was a little bit weird. That got us talking about who was the weirdest because although Edward had the fact that his pinky finger of his left hand curves to the right while all his other figures are perfectly straight, my love of none pepperoni, pepperoni pizza and my slight phobia of milk won out.

The milk phobia tipped the scale in my favor.

Edward thought I was lying but I wasn't, I was seriously freaked out by milk, the thought of a milk moustache made me shiver and even watching someone drink milk turned my stomach. So after I was declared the weirdest of the weirdo's we headed back upstairs so Edward could see the rest of my art.

I handed him my entire sketchbook, that was filled with drawings, as well as a folder of paintings.

He sat quietly looking through them, occasionally he would ask me questions like Who or what was it? When did I draw it? How long did it take? Along those lines.

"There are a good few of me." He said. He didn't seemed to be freaked out by it thankfully.

"Yeah, a lot of them I did when we first met, before we started dating. Does that bother you?" I asked nervously. He shook his head no.

"Why did you draw me though, when you could draw anything, anyone?" He asked. I played with my fingers nervously.

Well, you have great bone structure, a very defined and male jaw line, not all of your features are in proportion to one another.." He cut me off before I could finish.

"Are you saying, my nose is too big for my face?" He asked laughing at me.

I slapped him with my hand.

"No you jerk, let me finish, What I'm trying to say is your extremely handsome. You have an interesting face...I mean that in a good way. Basically you are every artists wet dream." I smiled.

"You think I'm handsome?" He teased.

"Of course that would be all that you'd hear." I laughed.

"I drew you because I was attracted to you, I thought you very handsome and you inspired me. I was having a bit of a dry spell, an artists block if you will, and When I first saw you, you inspired me to drawn." I was blushing.

"Thank you." He said. The look on his face was priceless, as if I had just given him a huge gift. I just nodded.

"And I think your face is interesting too." He joked. I snorted. Only Edward would be willing to kill the mood with his "goofball" humor.

"I love your art. You're really good, you could win competitions or like, do it for a living." He said more seriously. I sighed.

"I would love to be an artist for a living but it's too unreliable, even If I was good enough that doesn't mean, I'll sell anything." I answered truthfully.

"Is that why you do all of this, to make money?" He asked pointing at the drawing on his lap.

"Of course not, I do it because I love it, because it's a part of me, but I need to make money Edward, to pay bills and buy food." He nodded at me in understanding.

"Maybe some day you can do both" He added.

"I hope so." I smiled.

"Besides even If I don't do it as a career choice, I'll keep doing it as a hobby, I don't ever plan to stop." I added.

"Could you do one of us?" Edward asked.

"What?"

"A painting or a drawing, would you be able to do one of us together?" He asked hopefully. I hated doing self portraits but I couldn't tell him no.

"I suppose so yes, it would be better if I had a photograph to do it from, I can do you from memory, but I'd have to use a mirror for myself and I'm afraid my eyes often deceive me when I do that." I smiled at him.

He nodded excitedly.

"Okay, give me your phone." I took my phone from my pocket and handed it to him.

He went into the camera and held it up ready to take a photo.

"Are you seriously doing that right now." I asked, He nodded.

"Yes, you look beautiful, I love you." He said looking down at me. I looked up into his eyes and lost myself in them, I barely heard the sound of the phone taking the photo.

"There all done." He said smiling at the photo, sounding satisfied with himself. I took the phone and looked at the photo, I had to admit it was beautiful. We were looking into each others eyes and our features were gentle, relaxed and full of love for one another.

"I'll start on it right away." I smiled.

We talked for a while, kissed for a while, Edward corrected some essays for his class for about an hour and a half and then we did some more kissing at a quarter past seven Edward decided that it was time for him to leave, on the off chance that Charlie arrived home early, he thought it better safe than sorry.

So at quarter past seven we waked down to the front door hand in hand.

At the door we said our goodbyes.

"I don't want you to leave." I mumbled.

"And I don't want to leave but I have to, we'll see each other in school tomorrow I'm sure and your going to call me tonight as soon as you finish talking to Charlie." He whispered, stroking my cheek.

"I know, I'll just miss you, that's all."

"I'll miss you too Bella."

"I had fun this weekend, thank you for everything that you've done, it means a lot." I smiled.

"I had fun too, and it was my pleasure." He leaned in and kissed me before pulling back.

"I'll talk to you later?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'll talk to you later, I love you." I mumbled.

"I love you too." He said leaning in for one last kiss. Twenty minutes later we were still kissing.

"I really..._Kiss_...Should..._Kiss_...go now..._Kiss." _He mumbled between kisses.

He gave me one last kiss before pulling back.

"Okay I really am going now because if I kiss you again, I'll never leave." He smiled as he hugged me.

"Goodnight Bella."

"Goodnight Edward." I muttered as he turned and walked towards his car.

At 7:40 pm Edward left.

I pretty much panicked and paced until 8:56 pm when I heard the door open and Charlie call my name.

It was time to come clean and tell Charlie everything. Who knows what way he was going to react.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Does that count as a cliffie?...*Runs and hides just in case*

On to the important stuff...**Goofball** is actually a real word. According to the dictionary it has two meanings

**1.** A foolish,silly, incompetent or stupid person.

**2. **(Medicine / Pharmacology) a barbiturate sleeping pill.

**A**s for the love of non-pepperoni pepperoni pizza, the curved pinky fingers and the milk phobia *Shivers* They all belong to me...I know what your thinking _Your seriously agraid of milk. _My family and friends call it a phobia...I refer to it as an intense dislike of all thinks milk related...except cheese...I love cheese for some odd reason. P.S I also have one toe on each foot that curves also...I think that's weird

So clearly I am the biggest weirdo...or have you got something that makes you weirder...let me know!

xxxAoife


	19. Young Teacher The Subject

**_All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyers. No copyright infringement is intended!_**

**Song for this chapter: Don't Stand So Close To Me By the Police.**_ I Couldn't resist ;)_

* * *

><p><strong>Previously: <strong>_I pretty much panicked and paced until 8:56 pm when I heard the door open and Charlie call my name. It was time to come clean and tell Charlie everything. Who knows what way he was going to react. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad._

**BPOV-**

I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard Charlie Yell "Bells, I'm home!"

I whimpered a little bit. This was insane what was I thinking, Charlie was going to be so mad, what if he keeps me away from Edward...oh my god what he has Edward arrested and sent to prison. Edward would not do well in prison, he was too pretty, within five minutes he would already be someone's bitch!

I snickered at the thought._ Jesus Bella snap out of...this is serious._ My inside voice could be such a buzz kill, but she was right this was serious. I'm 18 there is nothing Charlie can do about it, he certainly cannot arrest Edward. He could report him to the school but if Charlie cared for me at all he wouldn't do that.

"Bells are you home?" I heard Charlie yell._ It's show time Bella._ I took a deep breath.

"Yeah, I'm coming now Dad." I shouted back before making my way downstairs. Charlie was hanging his gun belt on the hook by the door and I couldn't seem to take my eyes off of it. The shiny button on the holster, the black of the gun and the trigger, I wondered if it would be difficult to pull. I shook myself out of my thoughts.

Should I wait or should I just jump straight into it. I suppose sooner is better than later...Right? I gave myself a mental pep talk_ You can do this!, Everything will be fine and nobody will be shot._

"Dad?" I squeaked out. Charlie looked up at me from where he stood at the kitchen cabinets, rummaging for food._ Shit, I should have made him dinner._

"What is it Bella?" He asked concerned.

"I...I was eh thinking I could order pizza for you, I ate already but, I can do that...for you, if you want?" I stuttered nervously. Charlie looked at me oddly.

"Okay?" He said slowly.

"Is everything okay Bella? you seem a little jumpy." He questioned.

"What...Me? No, yes I'm great, why would you think that, I'm great."

He raised an eyebrow at me.

"Okay, I got it your great." He stated.

"So there isn't anything you want to tell me?"

"What?...No...Well yes I need to tell you something." I answered.

He nodded at me to continue.

"Well Renee called." I stated.

His moustache twitched but other than that he didn't act any different.

"Oh yeah...How did that go?" He asked.

"Not very well, we got in an argument..." Charlie cut me off before I could finish.

"About what?" He asked out straight, probably already knowing my answer.

"Daniel." I whispered. He closed his eyes as if he were in pain.

"What did she say?" He asked, trying to stay calm.

"She told me to stop trying to get into contact with her, That she didn't want to see or hear from me, she thinks that I am seeking attention." I mumbled.

His jaw clenched.

"What else did she say Bella?" He knew she hadn't left it at that.

"She may have implied that she believed it was my fault that Daniel was dead." I whispered.

"What!" Charlie yelled. He was turning red very, very fast.

"It's okay Dad, she was drunk, she didn't know what she was saying." I rushed.

"That isn't an excuse, I am sick of her crap. This needs to stop now." He yelled. I've never seen Charlie so angry.

"I'm going to call her up and give her a piece of my mind, that God damn, worthless..." He trailed off when he saw the tears in my eyes.

He let out a deep breath.

"I'm sorry Bella, it's just...You know that what she said isn't true?" He asked uncomfortable with crying women.

I nodded.

"I know it isn't true, that it's not my fault that Daniel died, I know that Dad. There isn't any point calling her up and shouting at her it wont help. Your angry I understand believe me I was too...I kind of broke a few things in my room." I mumbled the last part.

Charlie stood frozen for a moment, clearly surprised, I'd never been violent in any way before.

"You did?...Just how much damage did you do?" He asked, his moustache twitched again in what I think was almost a smile.

"Not much, I broke a lamp and a picture frame that's all." I answered, surprised he wasn't mad. He let out a little laugh.

"Well can't say I'm surprised Bells, You always have been the type to hold it in until it all explodes." He added. I was surprised that Charlie knew something like that about me because well, in all honesty we didn't know each other that well, we had never really been close.

I liked that he knew that about me.

I smiled.

"Yeah, I guess I have." I answered.

He shrugged.

"How about that pizza?" I nodded. picking up the phone, just as I finished the call Charlie spoke.

"I don't know why you were so nervous earlier...It's not like you've done anything wrong." He chuckled shaking his head as if to say _Kids these days._

I took a deep breath.

"Yeah about that, I have something else I have to tell you." Charlie just looked at me, waiting for me to continue.

"I've been dating someone...I have a boyfriend." Charlie frowned.

"Oh, Right...well what's his name? He asked rubbing the back of his neck clearly uncomfortable with the conversation.

"Edward" I answered vaguely. I could see him running through all the Edwards that he could think of that lived in Forks and were my age...He would find none.

"Edward what?"

"Cullen." I mumbled, half hoping he hadn't heard.

"I'm sorry could you repeat that, I'm almost sure that you just said Edward Cullen, but there is only one Edward Cullen I can think of and he is significantly older than you." He almost glared at me.

I swallowed.

"He's only 24, that's not much older."

"Only 24...Not much...it is when he is a teacher at your school." Charlie shouted at me. I cringed._ Okay so he knew about Edward being a teacher, that was expected. At least he doesn't know that he was my actual teacher._

"Does he teach you?...Are you in any of his classes." Charlie asked with a clenched jaw.

"No...No of course not." I replied, no way in hell was I going to tell him that Edward used to be my English teacher.

"That's something at least." He replied his brows furrowed into a frown.

"What are you thinking Bella, this has to end now Bella or else I will personally go and arrest his ass." Charlie ordered._ Oh Hell no!_

I stood up straighter.

"I'm not stupid, and this won't be ending nor will anyone be arrested. I'm 18, a legal adult there isn't anything you can do to stop it." I stated calmly. Charlie grinded his teeth knowing I was right.

"Yes you are a legal adult but you are living under my roof and will obey by my rules." He snapped.

"Your right and I will abide by them but you cannot tell me to break up with him, you cannot dictate who I see outside of this house Charlie." He got even angrier when I called him Charlie and not Dad.

"The Hell I can't. You are not allowed to be anywhere near him Isabella Marie Swan. Is that understood." He shouted pointing his finger at me. Tears sprung to my eyes.

"You can't do that, you can't stop me from seeing him...I love him Dad." I whispered.

It was as if my words sucked all of the anger out of him. He looked devastated.

"Oh God, Bella, I Have every right to kill that asshole. He is taking advantage of you." He said gently as if trying to convince me. I rolled my eyes.

"Dad, you know that isn't true, I'm old enough to know when I'm being taken advantage of and I assure Edward is not capable of doing that, you don't know him like I do." I urged him to understand.

"You can't play that card with me Bella, it isn't my fault you failed to tell me about him until now, how long has it been going on?" He asked.

It was now nearing the end of December, I counted back.

"Two months." I muttered. _It seemed like much longer, how is it that it's been only two months and I'm already in love with him._

Charlie let out a sigh.

"You could have told me." He implored.

I gave him a look that said _Are you completely fucking nuts._

"I knew that you would react like this, we were only getting to know each other, we just wanted some time until all hell broke loose."

"Bella you've only been with the guy two months and already you think you are in love with him but Bella love doesn't always last, your so young and..." I interrupted before he could finish.

"I don't think I love him Dad, I know I do. He makes me feel like I've never felt before. Ever since Daniel died I've been numb, shutting everything off because I was afraid of how much it would hurt to feel. I've felt like this weight has been on my shoulders pulling me down, I was riddled with guilt over what happened but...but Edward he makes me smile.

We talk about Daniel and he takes some of the weight away from me, he's taught me that it's okay to feel some of the hurt because I know he'll be there to help me through it. I feel for the first time that I can breath and I can talk and think about Daniel and I won't fall apart and even if I do it wont matter because he'll be there to put me back together.

I know with not just my heart but my head and every other part of my being that I love him." It was the longest conversation I had ever had with Charlie I knew he wasn't great with talking about feelings but it needed to be said...He needed to see.

I could see it in his eyes, He had given up the fight.

"There isn't anything I can say to convince you to end this." he said resigned.

I shook my head "No."

"You really like this boy?"

"Yeah, I love him Dad and I know he loves me. He looks after me, takes care of me. He is the one that convinced me that Renee was wrong, that It wasn't my fault. He treats me well I promise." I tried to reassure.

He sighed.

"I'm not happy about it, but there isn't much I can do. He seems to make you happy and I suppose that's what's important. But mark my words if he messes this up, I will have him arrested myself. Understood?"

I nodded.

"He won't give you a reason to do that."

Charlie nodded.

"Good."

I couldn't stop myself from jumping forward and giving Charlie a hug. He patted my back awkwardly before pulling away. Just then the door bell rang.

We sat watching a game on the TV in silence while Charlie ate his pizza. Charlie turned to look at me.

"Edward could get in serious trouble if the school found out." He stated.

"I know, He isn't my teacher but I'm still a student at the school. I don't really think they would fire him, but there is still a chance. We are going to try to stay on the down low for as long as possible." I could tell from the look on his face that Charlie wasn't fond of this idea.

"He wants to keep you a secret?" He questioned.

"No." I answered immediately.

"I was the one that suggested it, Edward wanted to quit teaching and find another job doing something else but I wouldn't let him."

"Why wouldn't you let him, wouldn't that be a whole lot easier?" Charlie asked.

"Yes and no. Yes it would be easier in the sense that we wouldn't have to hide but there is no where else for Edward to teach in Forks, he wouldn't move away from me and I could never let him get some other job when I know that teaching is what he loves to do."

Charlie nodded.

"He was willing to give up his career for you?"

"Yeah Dad he was, he still would if I asked him to. He really is a good man." I hoped to convince Charlie of that.

He said nothing in reply but I felt like maybe he had a bit more respect for Edward after hearing about what he was willing to do for me.

He turned his attention back to the television.

"I'm heading to bed." I said to Charlie. He just nodded and "hummed." Focusing all of his attention on the baseball game on the TV.

I had my foot on the first step before Charlie called out.

"Oh Bella, seems that you were so concerned about me not knowing this Edward boy invite him to dinner on Tuesday night...We can get to know each other." I gulped, the way in which Charlie said the last part told me what he really wanted was to interrogate Edward instead.

"Okay." I squeaked before practically running up to my room and shutting the door. I pulled out my phone and dialed Edward telling him about the entire night.

"Do you remember me saying that my Parents had a house in Forks and were coming up to stay for a while?" He asked when I had told him everything.

"Yeah I remember." I said curious as to why he brought it up.

"Well they arrived a week and a half ago. I went to visit them today and I told them about you." He said hesitantly.

"Oh...what did they say?" I was trying not to freak out that Edwards parents now knew about me.

"Mum was happy, ecstatic really that I found someone. Dad was...cautious." I waited for him to continue and when he didn't I spoke up.

"Cautious. What exactly does that mean?" I asked starting to panic._ Oh God What if Edwards father thought I was a gold digger or worse a slut._

"Well he was fully aware of what could happen to my job if anyone ever found out. He was just concerned but once I told him that I loved you, that you were it for me he seemed to accept it much better."

_Oh my God Edward thought I was it for him...that's pretty much the same as saying he wanted to spent the rest of his life with me. God I love him._

"So they are both okay with it then?" I asked hopeful.

"Yeah they are more than okay with it." I could hear the smile in his voice and I sighed with relief.

"Well err Charlie wants to meet you. Your invited to dinner on Tuesday night." I said it quietly hoping he wouldn't freak out. He was completely silent for a moment before he took a deep breath.

"Okay, yeah Tuesday. I can do that." I smiled at him.

"Yeah, your sure your okay with it. I can tell him no if you want?" I really would say no if he didn't want to.

"I want to meet him. It will be a good chance to show him that I am not a bad guy." He said seriously.

" I think he already knows that. So because you must suffer through dinner with my father I'll let you choose what I cook, anything you want and I'll do it."

"Anything?" He asked jokingly and just like that the mood was lighter.

When 5:45 Tuesday evening rolled around I was starting to get a little nervous so I can't even imagine how nervous Edward must have felt. I stood tapping my food as I checked the lasagna in the oven for the third time in the past five minutes. _Apparently lasagna was one of Edwards favorites_.

Charlie chuckled at me from the door frame.

Edward was due at 6:00.

"Relax will you, your about to tap a hole through the floor." Charlie muttered. I immediately stopped the tapping.

"Please promise me that you will be nice. That even if you don't like him at all, you will at least pretend you do for my sake?" I pleaded.

He blew out a breath.

"Fine." He mumbled shaking his head. I let out a breath I didn't realize I'd been holding.

Just then the door bell rang and I almost jumped out of my skin.

"I'll get it !" I yelled despite the fact that Charlie was standing right beside me. I started walking towards the door. I paused and turned back to see Charlie standing in the same spot.

"Please remember he means a lot to me and this is important."

Charlie huffed.

I made the rest of the way to the door and pulled it open. My anxiety melted away at the sight of him.

He looked gorgeous as always with a pair of dark denim jeans and a white button up shirt rolled at the sleeves, His white converse on his feet. Like always I was careful not to drool.

"Hi." I whispered breathlessly.

"Hi." He smiled, leaning in to give me a kiss on the cheek. He didn't go any further aware that my father was in the house and more than likely watching us.

I grabbed his hand and pulled him forward.

"Come on in." I said shyly.

He stepped through the door and I shut it behind him.

Charlie stepped into the hall then and looked Edward up and down. I squeezed the hand I was still holding. Charlie stopped beside me and Edward released my hand offering it to Charlie.

"Chief Swan, I'm Edward Cullen it's a pleasure to meet you. Thank you for inviting me to dinner." He was so polite and formal, I loved him even more.

Charlie made no move to take his hand. I elbowed him in the side. He turned to shoot me a glare before turning back to Edward and taking his hand.

"Nice to meet you too Edward and your welcome." Charlie nodded.

"I brought dessert." Edward offered and it was only then that I realized Edward was holding a white box in his other hand on top of the box sat another smaller rectangle box wrapped in wrapping paper._ He brought presents, could he get any more perfect._

"It's apple crumble, I hope that's okay?" Edward mumbled nervously offering the box to Charlie. Charlie's eyes lit up as he took the box from Edward. Charlie loves apple crumble more than anything else...except stake.

Edward glanced at me shyly. I gave him a small nod to tell him he had done good. He smiled in return.

"I got you a present as well." Edward said looking me right in the eye. He held out the wrapped rectangular box and I took it shyly, Blushing. I always got embarrassed when I received presents.

"You didn't have to do that but thank you." I smiled.

"Esme taught me never to go to a house as a guest empty handed and besides I wanted to." He smiled in return.

"Dinner should be ready in about ten minutes if you want we can go and sit it the living room while we wait?" Edward nodded so I lead the way to the living room.

Charlie sat in his usual chair which meant Edward and I had to sit beside one another...I didn't mind.

I looked down at the gift in my hands wondering what it could be.

"Can I open it now?" I asked Edward.

"Of course." He nodded.

I carefully pulled back the piece of folded paper...What can I say I wasn't a ripper, I liked to go slow.

A wooden rectangle shaped box about the length of my elbow to my wrist sat on my lap after I had finished un-wrapping it. I ran my fingers over the smooth wood gently before pulling back the lid. I gasped at what I saw.

"Edward." I whispered with tears in my eyes. There in my arms sat the most beautiful set of charcoal I had ever saw. I only had the regular, simple, cheap sticks of charcoal, similar to sticks of chalk but in the box sat every type I could ever need.

There were charcoal pencils in every color I could think of as well as round and square sticks in just black. The set also contained an eraser, sharpener and a special paper stick for smudging the charcoal so I didn't need to use my fingers.

There must have been about forty pieces in the set all together and I could tell just from looking at it that it must have been expensive.

It was the most beautiful present I'd ever gotten. I can't believe he remembered that I'd broken all of my charcoal during my little temper tantrum the other day.

"I know that you like to draw in charcoal and that your old ones broke, I saw this and I hoped you'd like it." He added nervously.

"I love it, thank you so much, Oh my God Edward it's so beautiful I can't wait to use it." I said leaning over and hugging him tightly careful not to drop the box.

"Your welcome love." He said with a huge smile. We just sat staring at each other for a few moments before we heard Charlie clear his throat. I pulled back remembering that he was there as well.

I carefully placed my present on the coffee table before standing up.

"Dinner should be ready, I'll just go plate it up." I said heading towards the kitchen. I dished the lasagna out as quickly as possible not wanting to leave Edward alone with Charlie too long.

Less than five minutes later I called the boys in. Edward pulled my chair out for me before sitting himself and I saw that Charlie had noticed him doing it.

That was something Edward always did; pull out chairs, offer his arm, open and close the car door as well as always holding a door open for me and allowing me to enter first. He was chivalrous like that.

I loved that about him and the great thing was it wasn't a act he did the exact same for Alice and I suspect he would for any woman.

Dinner was mostly silent in the most awkward way, every now and then Edward would say something to break the silence such as...

"This lasagna is amazing Bella, I had no idea that you were such a great cook."

or

"How was your day Bella, do anything exciting?"

At one point he even mentioned the weather. It was a awkward as hell but at least it was bearable until Charlie decided to open his mouth and ruin it.

"So Edward, Bella tells me you are 24 and an English teacher." He stated it like a question.

Edward jumped a little at Charlie's abrupt end to the silence.

"Eh...Yes, I'm twenty four, I moved here a few months ago from Chicago to take a position at Forks High School."

"I'm assuming you went to college in Chicago."

"Yes sir, I was born and raised there and went to The University Of Chicago." Edward answered.

"And why would a smart man like yourself want to move to a small town like Forks." Charlie asked suspiciously, as if Edward had some secret motive.

I shook my head out of embarrassment.

"Well sir, My parents own a house here and as I child I'd spent a few summers in Forks. I guess I prefer small towns, Chicago is great but there is too much going on, too many people."

"Your parent's own two houses?" Charlie was making it clear that he thought Edward was a snob.

"Yes they do, The home in Chicago was Esme's Father's she inherited it when he died, as for the house in Forks My parents bought that shortly after they adopted me.

I was having a rough time after the death of my biological parents and Esme and Carlisle felt that getting away from Chicago even for the summer would be good for me. They were right of course." Edward answered. How he could talk about his parents with a small was amazing I hoped that one day I could do the same with Daniel.

Charlie seemed contrite all of a sudden.

"That was very good of Esme and Carlisle." Charlie added.

"It was, but then everything about them is good, they don't have a bad bone in their body."

Charlie cleared his throat and just when I thought the Spanish inquisition was over he started again.

"So how many relationships have you had?"

"Dad!" I yelled. What the hell is he doing.

Edward looked as if he were actually blushing.

"What Bella, Edward is significantly older than you, he has been to college and he seems to be a rather good looking fellow. You can't seriously think he hasn't had past relationships." He stated.

I wanted to kill him. For the first time in my life I actually imagined jumping across the table and strangling Charlie to death with my bare hands.

I managed to refrain...barely.

"That's enough Dad." I said before Edward could answer Charlie's question.

"Edward and I have yet to have that conversation and even if we had it wouldn't matter because it's none of your business." I said though gritted teeth.

Charlie frowned.

"No Bella, erm..it's okay. I don't mind really. One, I've been in one relationship that lasted about two years." Edward said embarrassed.

"Only one." Charlie and I said at the same time. It caused Edward to blush even further.

I mean I didn't expect him to have a long list, I knew him better than that it's just...well Edward was extremely good looking and it surprised me he had only dated one woman. And for two years...One long term, obviously serious relationship.

I have to admit that I was slightly jealous.

Edward shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"I'm just gonna go watch that game on the television." Charlie said, hastily getting up and leaving me and Edward alone.

Yeah you better run you coward I thought after him.

Edward turned his full attention to me. I was biting my lip, afraid to ask him and yet desperately needing to know. _Who was she?_

Edward answered before I could ask.

"Her name was Tanya, she is a friend of the family, the daughter of one of Carlisle's old friend from the hospital back in Chicago. We met at university, she was studying medicine to become a doctor. We met, became friends...one thing lead to another. We lived together for six months before we both decided to end it."

"Why did you end it?" I asked.

"We both wanted different things. I had been considering maybe moving to Forks as soon as I was finished University and she wanted to stay in the big city, have a bigger career in medicine. We realized we couldn't have both, so we ended it."

"Did...Do you love her?" I had to ask.

"There was a time when I thought that maybe I did. When we broke up I decided that I probably never did because in all honesty I wasn't upset when we broke up. When I met you I was...Am 100% sure that I have never been in love with her, or anyone else for that matter. Just you Bella." I could tell that he was being completely honest.

Just like that I decided it didn't matter, He loves me. Only me. I leaned forward and hugged him. He rubbed his hands up and down my back.

But then a thought hit me and I stiffened. He'd been with her for two years and he lived with her, surely they must have...

"Did you have sex with her?" Edward froze. I knew it was a stupid question to ask, I already knew the answer but some small childish part of me was hoping he would say no.

He pulled back a little bit so he could see my face.

"Yes." He said quietly. I can't lie and say it didn't bother me.

I was a virgin but it was unrealistic of me to think that a 24 year old man would be one as well. But still a little bit of hurt crept in.

I nodded but didn't say anything, afraid that my voice would break.

Edward squeezed my arms in reassurance.

"Right now, since meeting you I wish that I hadn't. I wish that my first time could be with you but unfortunately I can't undo my past but I can promise you that when we do make love Bella, it will be 100 times more memorable and more meaningful just because it's with you."

I pulled him tight against my chest.

"You may not be my first but Bella I want you to be my last." He whispered in my ear and that was all I needed to hear.

"I'm not ready yet." I whispered to him, hoping he wouldn't be upset.

"I know, but I'll wait Bella. I'll wait for you as long as you need." He kissed my cheek gently, before slowly taking my bottom lip between his. We sat like that for a minute, wrapped up in each others embrace, our lips slowly dancing.

When we finally pulled apart and I caught my breath I smiled at him.

"How about desert?"

We were standing on the front porch saying goodbye. After that little mishap at dinner things settled down and dessert went smoothly. Charlie even shook Edward's hand willingly and gave him a small smile when Edward said goodbye.

I knew Charlie would like him Because Charlie had been nice to Edward for the remainder of the evening I decided to let his little interrogation from earlier slide.

"Esme asked me too invite you to the Family barbeque on Sunday." Edward mumbled. That immediately snapped me back to the present.

"Oh." I didn't really know what to say. Was I surprised Edward wanted me to meet his family? No, Was I shocked that I was going to have to me them all at the same time? Absolutely, Was I completely nervous that it was this Sunday? Hell Yes.

"You don't have to if you don't want to." Edward said trying to sound as if he didn't mind but I could tell he would be hurt if I said no.

"Yes, of course I'll go with you, I want to meet your parents and your brother." I said trying to sound confidant. It wasn't that I didn't want to meet them I was just extremely nervous. _What if they hated me._

"Really?" Edward asked and his smile alone made me feel slightly better.

"Definitely." I said sounding more confidant than before.

"I'll let Esme know that your coming then. She'll be delighted. She can't wait to finally meet you." Edward smiled.

I leaned forward and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

"I better get going, I have papers to correct." He mumbled with the most adorable pout ever.

I leaned forward and kissed him again. He pulled back.

"Okay, I'm really going now or I'll be here till next week, I love you and I'll see you tomorrow." He took a step back.

"I love you too and I'll see you tomorrow." I smiled.

He turned and walked towards his car parked on the street. When he reached it he turned back to look at me.

"Sweet dreams." He said before getting in the car and driving off down the street. I watched from my spot at the door. When I could no longer see him, I headed inside. Charlie was watching another game.

I sat down with a huff beside him. I asked to go to Edwards parents on Saturday and Charlie agreed. He didn't even put up a fight.

"I told you he isn't a bad person." I smiled at Charlie.

He grumbled in reply but didn't deny it.

"Your being safe though right?" Charlie asked out straight, raising an eyebrow. I blushed ten shades of red.

"Dad it's not, were not...I'm still a virgin."

"Good." was all he said in reply. I couldn't believe he just had a sex talk with me. I headed to bed before he could ask any other embarrassing questions.

That night as I lay in bed I thought of Edward...and the fact that in a matter of days I was going to meet his entire family.

_What did I manage to get myself into._

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Okay so I had a little trouble with my American words this chapter, you see in Ireland We call a pencil sharpener a parer...We pare our pencils. So when I did a spell check I became extremely fustrated when it kept saying that parer did not exist...ten minutes later with the help of google I discovered the word sharpener and felt really stupid for not knowing that :) We also call erasers rubbers, I don't know if you do in America?


	20. There's nothing here to run from

_**All Things Twilight Belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own Nothing!**_

Song for this chapter: Don't Panic by Coldplay

**Warning:** There is a tiny taste of Lemon...Well more lemon than we've had before, Near the end of this chap. So if your underage or it's not your thing then you can just skip it!

* * *

><p><strong>EPOV-<strong>

I was content as I drove home from Bella's house that night. Content and most definitely relieved, I can't deny that I was nervous going to meet Charlie, aside from the fact that he was the Chief of Police and owned a gun he was also a father...Bella's father, my Girlfriend who used to be one of my students.

Charlie swan was a strange man in the sense that he was extremely upright and yet not unwilling to threaten my balls if I fucked up. He was a man of few words but those words he did speak were chosen extremely carefully and left no room for doubt.

He was very much like Bella I thought. In the sense that he wasn't very talkative and yet he came across as an extremely caring person. I could tell that he Loved Bella, he didn't say it out loud but the fact that I was sitting there at the table and not behind bars said it clearly enough.

He didn't give a damn about me but he loved Bella and hurting me would hurt her...He was an intelligent man. When Bella left us alone for a few minutes to set the table and finish dinner Charlie spoke to me out straight.

"You hurt my Girl and I will hunt you down and castrate you so that you'll never touch another woman again, understood?" I didn't doubt for one minute that he would hunt me down...and most definitely find me. _If I ever upset Bella I was fucked._

"I understand sir, but you don't need to worry I wont hurt her and if I do then I will gladly let you castrate me, I love her and would never want to harm her in any way." I was completely honest, if I ever hurt Bella I would gladly let Charlie inflict pain.

"That's all I ask." Was his reply and after that we never spoke of it again.

I was actually starting to think that Charlie actually liked me until he started questioning me. I knew that sooner or later it was coming so I answered each of his question no matter how fucking ridiculous I felt they were.

When he asked about past relationships perhaps I should have let Bella handle it and then talked to her later but I didn't want Charlie to think I was hiding something.

I had nothing to hide. I could tell that Bella was upset about Tanya, maybe even a little jealous, she had no reason to be, Tanya was nothing but a friend and I would never want to be with her again.

It was always going to be Bella.

When I left Charlie shook my hand and I thought perhaps that was his way of telling me that he didn't hate me, at least I hoped so.

I couldn't wait until Sunday, to introduce Bella to my family. They would all love her of course...who wouldn't. I just hoped that they didn't come off as a little bit too strong. I thought back to the conversation I had with my parents the other day.

_"So I've been dating someone." I said shuffling nervously on my mothers suede couch._

_Esme looked like she was about to cry, her brown eyes large and wide, filled with un-spilled tears, she brought her hands up to her heart and gave me the biggest smile I'd ever seen. Carlisle looked...well surprised I guess. _

_"How long?" He asked._

_"A few months now." I replied quietly, knowing that they would be upset that I had kept it a secret for so long._

_"What, Edward Why didn't you tell us?" Esme asked...She sounded hurt that I would keep something so big from them, especially Esme. I'd always told Esme everything, we had no secrets and I felt very guilty that I had been keeping one for quite some time now._

_"It's extremely complicated mom...We shouldn't really be dating, we could both get in trouble." I answered as honestly as possible. _

_Esme gasped, while Carlisle features told me he was concerned._

_"Edward, if you are in trouble you can tell us and we will help...is...is she married or something?" Esme asked gently._

_"No, it's not like that, she isn't married, she's only 18. It's just that...well, she is a student at the high school I work at." Esme brought her hands up to cover her mouth in shock. Both of my parents remained silent so I carried on._

_"She was a student in my class, I had feelings for her the moment we met but I ignored them. When it got to the point that we no longer could, she transferred to another English class. She is no longer a student of mine."_

_"That doesn't matter to the board at the school Edward and everyone else in Forks. You are a teacher at that school and she is a student. You could lose everything over this, your reputation your career...Everything that you have worked for your entire life will be gone." Carlisle stated._

_This was the most serious I have ever seen him. He wasn't angry or annoyed...he seemed concerned and slightly upset but not angry._

_"I know that Dad, I was willing to quit my job and get another one somewhere else in Forks, I don't really need it after all, I have more than enough money to get by. I would have gladly given up the job but Bella wouldn't hear of it, she would never ask me to do that but if it comes to having to choose between my career or Bella, I'll choose Bella every time." I meant every word of it._

_"Bella?" Carlisle asked._

_I nodded._

_"Isabella Swan." I could see him trying to recall why that sounded familiar._

_"Chief Swans daughter." I answered._

_My mother gasped again, while Carlisle shook his head._

_"Edward if he finds out..." He trailed off._

_"Bella is telling him tonight, we figure it's better he hears from us rather than someone else. She thinks that he will be okay, once he has time to process."_

_Carlisle nodded._

_"That's probably best...So you like this girl then?" He asked._

_"I love her." One of Esme's tears finally escaped._

_"And you are sure she returns these feelings, I'm concerned Edward, she is very young and maybe right now she is in love but young love does not always last, I just don't want you to sacrifice everything for nothing" Carlisle implored._

_"She isn't nothing, You haven't met her yet, she is young but she is an old soul, sometimes I think her more mature...and intelligent than I am. I am 100% certain that she feel's the same way." Carlisle nodded his head._

_"I believe you then and I give you my full support like always son, I won't say I am not concerned, you are my son of course I am but we only want you to be happy, if Bella is that for you then we will accept her like part of the family." _

_That was the Carlisle I knew and loved, the one that supported you decisions even if he wasn't sure of them himself, he trusted me to be a good man and I hoped for him that I was._

_Esme joined in finally._

_"Of course you have our full support, we love you so much Edward." She said reaching over and pulling me into a hug, I rubbed her back, silently telling her that I loved them as well._

_"You will love her Esme honestly, she is so amazing, she has been through so much...Maybe more than I have and She amazes me everyday how she copes. She recently lost someone very close to her, her twin brother and she is having a hard time, she isn't on speaking terms with her mother so I think you will be good for her."_

_Esme was a mother through and through every touch and every word was filled with comfort and love and I knew that Bella could do with more of that in her life. _

_Esme's eyes sparkled._

_"When can we meet her?" She reached over and grabbed my fathers hand. I always was amazed at how much they loved each other even after all these years, I hoped that Bella and I could be like that in thirty years._

_"When ever you want to I suppose." I shrugged._

_We are having a family barbeque Sunday, ask her to come." She seemed excited._

_I shook my head._

_"I haven't told Emmett yet, besides I don't know if meeting the entire family at the same time is a good idea...it might be a bit much." I answered unsure._

_"Oh Edward please, I can talk to Emmett and I'll make sure the whole family are on their best behavior, Please." She begged and I couldn't help but chuckle...so that's where Alice gets it from._

_I couldn't say no to her._

_"Okay I'll ask." I agreed reluctantly knowing that Bella would never really say no because it was my mother who invited her._

_Esme beamed at me ecstatic. While Carlisle shot me a smirk. Knowing that I'd never say no to Esme, I don't know how he could smirk when he was even more hopeless than I was._

_"Oh, I can't wait to meet her, I'll have to make more food than usual, is there anything she doesn't like, or is she allergic to anything?" I chuckled at her enthusiasm._

_"No she isn't allergic to anything...But she does hate milk...you can put it into things like cakes or whatever just don't have a glass of milk sitting around." Esme looked at me oddly and I couldn't help but chuckle. Bella and her milk phobia._

_"Okay, no glasses of milk then." Esme nodded._

_After that we just chatted about nothing important and when it was time for me to leave Esme hugged me hard._

_"I can't wait to meet her Edward, I'm sure she is amazing." I just smiled._

_Carlisle pulled me into a hug and when he pulled back he placed his hand on my shoulder and squeezed...it was all the reassurance that I needed. They were happy for me._

Now all I had to do was pray that my family wasn't crazy enough to send Bella running.

**BPOV-**

Oh God, Oh God...it was a continuous mantra running through my head, as I sat in the passenger seat of Edwards Volvo on Sunday.

I was going to meet all of Edwards family. What if they didn't like me? or What if I did something completely stupid and embarrassed myself? _Oh God I felt like I was going to be sick._ I took a deep breath and slowly let it out willing the nausea away.

Edward reached over the console and grabbed my balled up fist into his hand. He gave it a squeeze of reassurance. I turned to look at him and he peeked at me from the corner of his eye for a second before turning his attention back to the road.

"It will be okay, I promise. They will love you, just like I do, Besides Alice will be there so you will know someone else." I nodded glad that Alice would in fact be there, we had text a few times since our last shopping trip and I liked to think that I could call her a friend.

"Your right, I'll be fine. I just really want them to like me."

"They will" Edward said confidently...I wasn't so sure.

When we finally pulled up to the house_ if you could even call it that_ I gasped. If there was any doubt before that the Cullen's had money...a lot of it, it was completely gone now. It was huge and Charlie's house looked like a cardboard box compared to it.

The drive way was gravel and large, on both sides sat flowerbeds with numerous colorful and exotic flowers. The house itself sat large and slightly intimidating in it's size and elegance. It was a dark grey and yet despite it's color it seemed bright and inviting.

It had three floors and from the outside the middle floor was done in a warm colored wood that contrasted brilliantly against the grey of the other two floors. Windows seemed to dominate the house, making it large and open. I could only imagine what the inside looked like.

The sound of Edwards door shutting broke me out of my awe. Within seconds Edward was opening my door and offering his hand, I carefully picked up the gifts that sat on my lap. I didn't let go of Edwards hand and I squeezed it as he rang the door bell.

The amazingly loud *Ding, Dong* made me jump._ Oh God here it goes._

A petit woman with hair the color of rich caramel answered the door and I immediately recognized her from the photograph in Edwards room. She was even more beautiful in person, Her brown eyes were large and full of light and beauty unlike like my dull brown eyes.

Her lips which were pulled into a smile were pink and pout, Her caramel hair shined in the rare sun that was out and her entire body screamed mother and love. I loved her already.

She totally ignored Edward and went straight for me, Pulling me into a tight hug. She smelled like cookies and sunshine, I inhaled deeply...this is what a mother smelled like.

"Welcome to the family Bella." She whispered in my ear. Tears sprung to my eyes and I reached up and patted her back softly with the hand that wasn't holding the presents.

"Don't worry about me mom...I'm only your baby boy." Edward mumbled. Esme chuckled before pulling back from me and turning her attention to Edward.

"I'm sorry son, of course I'm delighted your here as well." She said in her soothing voice pulling Edward into a hug.

"I apologize Bella, I've been dying to meet you, since Edward told us about you." She seemed apologetic , unsure if she came across as too strong. I didn't want her to think that.

"No Mrs. Cullen, there is no need to apologize, thank you for welcoming me so warmly." Esme patted Edward on the am and smiled at me.

"Call Me Esme dear." She answered warmly.

"Thank you Esme, I made desert." I said offering the box to her.

She took it and opened the lid, taking a quick peek.

"Oh Banoffee pie, Carlisle is going to love you, it's his favorite." She laughed.

"And these are for you." I said nervously handing over the pot of blue Flax flowers. They meant _I feel your Kindness_ and I felt that they were perfect for Esme.

Esme gasped as she reached out to take the pot of flowers from me.

"Oh Bella, Thank you they are beautiful, Please come in." She said moving to the side to allow us into the house.

The house was as beautiful inside as it was out. Browns, creams and beige seemed to be the colors that were used the most. It was an open floor plan which made everything from the kitchen and dining room to the living blend together beautifully.

"Everyone is out the back enjoying the sun while they can, if you want to bring Bella back there Edward, while I give these a bit of water." She nodded towards the back door.

Edward squeezed my hand before leading me through the house and out the back door.

The back garden was as beautiful as the rest of the house, numerous flower beds were planted which made it clear that Esme had a bit of a green thumb, at the far end of the garden sat a set of swings, I furrowed my brow wondering why they would be there. The garden was surrounded by forest and I couldn't help but wonder how much of that the Cullen's owned also.

Edward put his hand on my lower back and lead me towards a large wooden picnic table surrounded by people. I noticed Alice first, she jumped up and called my name before quickly pulling me into a hug.

I hugged her back glad to have someone else I knew there. She grabbed my hand and pulled me towards a blonde man with shoulder length curly hair.

"Bella, this is my Jasper." I smiled, offering my hand.

"It's nice to meet you Jasper." I said when he shook it.

"You too Bella, Alice talks non-stop about you." He chuckled.

"Likewise." I joined in. I liked Jasper already, He seemed extremely friendly and really laid back and relaxed but then again I suppose you would have to be in order to be with Alice. They appeared to complement each other perfectly.

I looked over to see Edward hugging an older blonde man whom I assumed was Carlisle. When they pulled apart Edward turned to me.

"Bella, I'd like you to meet my father." I walked towards them carefully extending my hand to meet the one that Carlisle already had outstretched.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Dr. Cullen." I tried to sound less nervous than I felt, knowing of Carlisle's concerns about me.

"Please call me Carlisle and it's wonderful to meet you as well Bella, Edward tells us noting but nice things about you." I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank you, Carlisle." He smiled at me and I felt so relieved that I couldn't help but turn to look at Edward with a smile. He reached out and grabbed my hand, giving it a small squeeze and he gave me an _I told you so_ look.

I couldn't focus on it for too long because I was suddenly pulled into a hug from behind, so powerful that I was literally lifted off my feet. I gasped from shock and Edward immediately shouted.

"Emmett, put her down, your going to hurt her."

Emmett carefully placed me back on my feet, I turned to look at him and could do nothing but blink. He was huge...only slightly taller than Edward but he had some massive muscles, It's a wonder he didn't squeeze me to death.

"Oh man, I'm sorry, I just got excited I didn't break you did I?" I immediately smiled, He Looked like a massive grizzly Bear but spoke and acted like a teddy Bear.

"No, I'm fine, really I'm okay, nothing broke. It's nice to meet you Emmett."

"You too, so tell me, be honest it's okay, is Edward a terrible teacher, completely stuck up? I bet he even gives homework." I froze for a moment, it was the first time Edward being a teacher and me being his student was mentioned and I wasn't sue how everyone would react.

I needn't have worried everyone laughed at Emmett's question. I smiled.

"Edward is actually a brilliant teacher. All the students in his class think he is the best teacher in the place...despite the fact that he does indeed give homework."

"Ha who would have thought, little Eddiekins is cool with the young ones." Emmett teased.

"Don't call me that Emmett!" Edward practically growled.

"And of course they think I'm cool...I'm down with the youngsters...I'm the BOMB." I burst out laughing when he said that. He looked a little bit hurt so I reached out and grabbed his forearm.

"I'm sorry, it's just nobody says the BOMB anymore but you're right you are...cool..." At that I started laughing again, everyone joined in except Edward who continued to pout. I leaned over and gave him a hug.

"I think your the BOMB" I whispered in his ear. He smiled a huge smile and kissed me on the cheek.

We were interrupted then by the sound of someone squealing "Uncle Eddie!"

I pulled back in enough time for Edward to catch the little girl throwing herself at Edward.

_Uncle Eddie_ I frowned, knowing that Edward never mentioned having a niece, suddenly the swings I saw earlier made a lot more sense.

"Hi Maddie moo, you get taller every time I see you, your nearly taller than me now." He said with her in his arms.

"Uncle Eddie, I'm only 4. I'm not a big girl yet, so I can't be big as you silly." Edward chuckled at her.

"Of Course, I'm so silly. Where is your baby brother?" He asked her.

"Harry is with momma and grandma. They is gonna make a tasty dinner." She said seriously. Edward nodded.

"And are you going to eat all of your dinner?" He asked.

"Momma said I have to or else I don't get princess pink Ice cream."

Edward gasped at her.

"princess pink Ice cream...do I get any pink Ice cream?"

"You can't have pink Ice cream your a big Boy Eddie." Everyone around the table laughed at her.

Edward turned Maddie to look at me.

"This is my girlfriend Bella, can she have some pink Ice cream?" He asked her. She looked me up and down before nodding her head.

"Does you like pink Bella?" She asked me and I smiled.

"I love pink and princesses." I answered.

"Okay, you can have princess Ice cream too." She smiled a toothy smile at me. She was completely adorable, blue eyes, Blonde ringlet curls and she was wearing a little pink tutu with converse.

"You don't get Ice cream until all of your dinner is gone Madison." A stern, bell voice called from the back door. I turned around quickly and almost gasped aloud.

A tall curvy blonde stood at least 5ft 7 just at the back door, a chubby brown haired baby in her arms. She was absolutely stunning, one of those girls that made every other girl in the room feel like the ugly duckling.

She walked towards Edward and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"How are you doing?" She asked. Edward smiled putting Maddie back on the ground.

"I'm good, and what about you two?" He asked looking down at the baby.

"We are great, I'm especially great now that Harry is actually sleeping at night." She smiled.

Edward laughed at her.

"Rosalie, this is Bella." He introduced, touching my arm.

She looked me up and down, sizing me up. She looked me right in the eye and smirked and it wasn't anything like the cheeky smirk that Edward gives me. Rosalie's Smirk was meant to say that she didn't think I was anything special.

I swallowed.

"Hi." She said icily before turning away and heading over to Emmett and leaning in to kiss him. I assumed that meant that she was Emmett's wife.

Edward squeezed my hand and leaned in to whisper.

"Don't worry about Rosalie, she doesn't like meeting new people, Give it a few minutes and she'll warm up." I wanted to tell him that I didn't think she would, that I was pretty sure it had nothing to do with meeting a new person and more to do with the fact that the new person was me but I never got the chance to because right then Esme carried out a tray of food.

"Can I help you with anything?" I asked, not wanting to be rude.

"I would love that dear." She said reaching an arm around my shoulders and leading me towards the kitchen.

Emmett was in charge of the BBQ because as he stated "It's a job for only the manliest of men and that was him." With the size of his muscles I couldn't disagree.

Dinner went smoothly, We talked about all kinds of things: work, shopping and everything in between

Eventually during dessert, as Carlisle was on this third slice of banoffee pie Esme started asking about me.

"So Edward mentiond that your an artist." She smiled.

I laughed.

"Erm...No not really, I mean I dabble here and there but I don't actually sell anything so..."

Edward snorted.

"Don't listen to her, she's too modest. She is amazing and could easily sell her work if she wanted to. I've seen some of her stuff it's brilliant."

I elbowed him and he smirked at me.

"How long have you been drawing and painting?" Esme asked curiously.

"A good few years, I started when I was just a kid."

"I thought you still were a kid." Rosalie mumbled loud enough that everyone heard it. I blushed, feeling more embarrassed than I have in a long time.

"Rose." Emmett scolded. She just ignored him and focused her attention on Harry in her lap. Edward squeezed my knee under the table. I didn't say or do anything, I didn't know what to say, I was way too embarrassed.

"Well I'd love to see some of your work one day, I'm sure it's just as amazing as Edward say's it is." Esme smiled. I couldn't have loved her anymore in that moment for breaking the uncomfortable silence that surrounded us.

Rosalie didn't say anything rude to me again for the remainder of dessert, in fact she didn't say anything to me at all, she completely ignored me. She seemed to be the only one that didn't like me, I didn't know what her problem was or what I had done to offend her.

Some time after dinner Edward, Emmett and Jasper were talking at the far end of the table, Carlisle and Esme were in doing dishes, and refused to let me help, so that left me with Alice and Rosalie.

It was awkward to say the least Alice and Rosalie chatted, occasionally Alice would include me somehow but Rosalie completely ignored me, as if I wasn't even there at one point she stood up and held Harry out towards Alice.

"Will you hold him while I go to the bathroom?" She asked. Alice shook her head.

"I'm going to go in and give mum and Dad a hand, Bella will look after him for you, right?" She asked me.

"Yeah sure, I don't mind." I nodded.

Rosalie looked me up and down before smirking.

"No that's all right, I'll ask one of the boys." I blushed embarrassed.

She walked away as I fiddled with the hem of my white linen sun dress. Alice reached over and patted my knee before standing and heading towards the kitchen.

I sat in silence alone at the table. I was so embarrassed but a part of me was also hurt. I knew before that Rosalie wasn't very fond of me but after that, she doesn't trust me at all.

It's not that she looked at me with hatred, I'd seen that before. I've had people talk to me with hatred and anger but what Rosalie did was so much worse.

She looked at me with indifference...as if I was nothing, like a piece of gum stuck to her shoe. I felt like that all of a sudden, looking around at everything surrounding me for the first time I wondered why Edward was with me, what I could possibly have to offer.

I'd never really had money, we'd struggled financially my entire life, with my flighty mother who couldn't hold a job, I'd never had many friends and I always knew I was different than most people my age but never in my entire life has someone been able to make me feel like less of a person like Rosalie had just done.

I felt like less of a person now, like I wasn't even fit to breath the same air as these people.

Edward sat down beside me with Harry on his knee's.

"Are you okay?" He asked concerned.

"I'm fine." I fake smiled, he saw through it of course.

"Did Rosalie say or do something Bella?" He asked worriedly. I didn't answer his question.

"She doesn't like me." I stated. He opened his mouth, ready to deny it but I raised my eyebrow. He sighed.

"No she doesn't. Rosalie is extremely protective of the people she cares about and unfortunately she can also be a bitch, I'm sorry that she has been rude, I'll talk to her but you shouldn't take it personally because it isn't really about you, she just doesn't trust people." I nodded that I understood.

I played with my fingers nervously.

"Edward, Why are you with someone like me?" I blurted out, he looked surprised.

"Why would you ask something like that?"

I sighed.

"It's just, I don't have any money, I'm 18, I'm not really that pretty not to mention all the baggage I have. I just don't get it, You could have any girl...Why me?" I asked again.

"Because I love you Bella, everything about you. I think you are beautiful in every single way, I don't care about your age, and I have my fair share of baggage Bella, you've had a tough life...tougher than most and I love you even more for it.

You are so strong, I am awed by all that you have overcome Bella and as for the money, If you think for one second that I care about that, then you don't know me at all."

I nodded at him.

"Your right, I'm sorry, that I ever doubted you." I said ashamed.

"You didn't doubt me Bella, You doubted yourself. I love you, I'm not leaving you...Now you just have to believe that I mean it...That you are worth it because you are Bella." He looked me right in the eye.

"I'm sorry, I worked myself up. I do believe you. I love you Edward." I smiled, truly meaning it.

"I love you too, more than anything." I leaned in and kissed him on the cheek before resting my head on his shoulder looking down at Harry who was now snuggled up to his chest asleep.

"You never told me you had a niece and nephew." I whispered afraid of waking Harry up.

"I didn't?" He asked with a furrowed brow. I shook my head no.

"That's odd because I talk about them all the time. I guess when we are together I tend to enter a bubble and forget about the outside world." I nodded, understanding what he meant.

"I'm sorry that I never told you, It wasn't intentional." He said sincerely.

"It's okay. How old is he?"

"Two months." Edward smiled.

I reached out slowly and gently touched one of his tiny fingers that were curled up into a fist.

"He's so tiny." I whispered.

"Would you like to hold him?" Edward asked.

I looked around for Rosalie and found her sitting beside Emmett in a conversation with Jasper. Edward saw me looking at her and looked at me questioningly.

"I don't know if that's a good idea." I shrugged acting like it was no big deal.

"Did she tell you that you couldn't hold him?" Edward asked angrily.

"I offered to hold him while she went to the bathroom. She said no and gave him to you, it's okay she just doesn't trust me is all." I answered.

Edward shook his head angrily.

"I'm sorry she did that, that was just her being a snotty little bitch." I shrugged.

He looked over at Emmett and Rosalie.

"Hey Emmett, is it okay if Bella holds Harry?" He asked looking Rosalie square in the eye.

Emmett shrugged.

"Eh...Yeah man, You don't have to ask, of course you can Bella, your family now. Next time you can just pick him up, like you would your own." He said sincerely. I smiled gently at him. He just said I was part of the family I can't even express how much that meant to me.

Rosalie just rolled her eyes but didn't complain when Edward stood to pass a sleeping Harry to me.

"Do you know how to hold a baby?" He asked. I laughed.

"Yeah I do, I have cousins you know, Not to mention that I loved playing mams and dads when I was a kid." Edward smiled as he placed Harry in my arms, I was careful to support his head.

Harry scrunched his little nose up clearly not happy about being disturbed, within seconds his features relaxed and he was back to sleep. I chuckled at his cuteness running my finger over his little chubby cheek.

"Do you want to have any children?" Edward ran his fingers through his hair nervously.

I looked over at him thinking about it. I pictured little Edwards running around a house and smiled.

"Yes, in a few years definitely. Do You?"

"Yeah, I do." He smiled at me goofily and I chuckled.

Eventually my arm started to go dead so I handed Harry back to Edward. We went ack to join the others and I spent the next hour watching Emmett tease Edward mercilessly for the next hour.

Emmett was like a big kid, he'd occasionally tease me a little, he'd started to try come up with nick names for me...each one crazier than the next. So far I'd been called Belly, Beller, Belly bean, and Bell...then just kept on coming and I had no idea how he came up with them so fast.

We sat and laughed for a while before Maddie came over to us.

"Bella, Do you wanna play Barbie Princess?" She was looking up at me all adorable...I couldn't say no.

"Yeah I would love to play. I love Barbie she's my favorite." I heard Edward snort from beside me and I elbowed him._ What the hell was funny about Barbie...She is awesome._

Maddie then produced two dolls from behind her back.

"I be Barbie princess and you can be the prince Bella." I nodded my head taking the prince from her little hand.

Edward started laughing beside me.

"Your a man." He whispered between his laughs.

I pouted as Maddie ran away, she came back a minute later with a pink glittery horse and carriage.

"Here uncle Eddie, you play the horse, her name is sparkles." Edwards mouth fell open and I burst out laughing_ ha Karma's a bitch._

"Aw, bet you're wishing you got the prince now huh!" I snickered at him.

He shook his head sadly.

"Here Em, Take Harry so I can play."

By the time Edward turned back to face us Maddie was already filling me in on what exactly we were going to do.

"...And then Sparkles will take us to the party and Barbie and prince will Dance all night. And then they'll have a big kiss and they live happy everyday." I nodded my head taking in every word she said.

We got to work and Both Maddie and I were doing great until it was time for Sparkles to take us to the party and Edward had to screw up. He kept making horse sounds and clearly this was wrong.

"No Eddie, Sparkles is posed to talk to Barbie and the prince." She was clearly frustrated that Edward didn't know this. I snickered at him. Edwards brow furrowed.

"So the horse is supposed to talk?" He asked. Maddie just looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Of course the horse can talk Edward...How did you not know that." I teased. He glared at me for a second before getting back into character.

" I love you more than all the pink in the world Barbie." The prince/ I said to Barbie as the last Dance at the party came to a close. Maddie put Barbie's arms around the prince and smashed their two faces together while making kissing sounds.

Then she pulled Barbie back and said.

"Now we can go and live in your pink castle and you can buy me a pink car and a pink Doggy and fish and we'll live happy everyday and of course we can find a boyfriend for sparkles so she can live happy everyday too." I smiled at her, she was way too cute.

"The End." She said dropping Barbie and clapping her hands, Everyone around the table joined in. I saw Rosalie looking at Maddie with a smile.

"Bella you were the best prince. And you look really pretty and we can be best friends now." She came over and hugged me and I squeezed her tight.

"Well I'm not as pretty as you, and I'd love to be best friends. What about uncle Edward?" I asked.

"He is my best friend too and he's your boyfriend just like the prince and Barbie and you kiss too, that's what Daddy told me." I blushed as Edward laughed at me.

I had to admit that I was sad when it was time to go, I'd had so much fun the last few hours. Rosalie aside, everyone had been so nice to me and so welcoming. They made me feel like part of the family.

As we were leaving I hugged them all and they each said a little something to me.

Alice told me would have to go shopping again and I agreed, Jasper said he looked forward to seeing me again, Emmett told me to let him know if Edward eve hurt me because he would kick him where the sun don't shine.

Esme welcomed me to the family again and Carlisle thanked me, He said that he could see that I was good for Edward. Rosalie didn't hug me, not that I was expecting her to. I hoped that one day she would come around, I just didn't know when or if that day would ever come.

"I love your family." I smiled as Edward pulled up outside Charlie's house.

"I'm glad...They loved you too, you know that right?" he asked running his fingers through my hair. I nodded yes.

I leaned over and captured his lips with mine. I sucked his bottom lip between mine and bit down on it slightly before licking exactly where I had bitten, Edward slipped his tongue into my mouth and the overwhelming taste of Edward forced my eyes to shut and my breathing to speed up.

I was getting uncomfortable leaning across the seats so I climbed over onto Edwards lap, my back against the steering wheel. We continued kissing for quite some time, safe in the knowledge that Charlie was at work so he wouldn't be able to see us.

When I ran out of breath I pulled back and Edward started trailing kisses along my throat. He placed his hands on my hips, gently rubbing my skin through the fabric of my dress. The feeling of that combined with the feeling of him kissing a particularly sensitive spot right behind my ear lobe cause me to moan and automatically thrust my hips.

I rubbed right up against Edward and the flimsy material of my dress did nothing to stop the feel of him hard beneath me. He moaned and it's as if the sound traveled through my entire body right down below. I moaned in response, I'd never felt anything like that in my entire life.

We had never gotten this far, I mean, we had essentially just dry humped a little bit. I blushed in response to my thoughts. Edward moaned at the sight of my blush and pulled back panting.

"Bella, we have to stop...I...It's so good, we should stop." I nodded agreeing with him but I couldn't find the strength to pull myself off his lap.

Edward leaned his forehead against mine. We stayed like that until our breathing was slower. I pecked him on the lips before removing myself from his lap, back into the passenger seat.

"I Better go." I whispered. He nodded.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Yep." I smiled.

"Bella, Thank you for coming today, I know you were nervous but I'm glad you came." He gave me his crooked grin.

"I'm glad I came too."

I waved goodbye as I climbed from the car and walked into the house feeling like I was high. High on Edward Cullen.

It was a great feeling.

When Charlie arrived home I told him about my entire day. I told him about how nice the Cullen's were, how they made me feel like a part of the family. I also talked about how much of a bitch Rosalie was. He assured me that Edward was probably right and that eventually she would warm up to me. I hoped they were right.

Charlie told me that He was planning on going fishing next Saturday. That was perfect because I wanted to finish Edwards drawing, I'd been doing it bit by bit all week and I planned to give him that and another one for Christmas as part of his gift.

Charlie being gone for the day meant I could turn up the music and relax a little more...get into the zone and who knows maybe if I finished early I could invite Edward over.

Roll on Saturday is all I could think that night as I lay in bed. Well that and also the fact that Edward wanted to have kids with me one day...he never said it aloud but the smile after he told me he wanted kids definitely implied that he wanted them with me.

This meant he planned to spend the rest of his life with me and forever with Edward sounded really really good.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **I Know I'm a tease and a cock blocker! *Hides Behind computer* But you didn't actually think it was gonna go further while they were in the car outside Charlie's house, did you? I did warn you at the beginning that it was only a little taste of a lemon ;)

First of all I want to thank everyone for all of the super amazing reviews, each and every single one meant so much and I'm so grateful for how nice everyone was...You guys rock. A few people even Recommended L&L to friends. Thanks so much...You know who you are.

Secondly I'd like to give a shout out to **MissFictionJunkieUnknown. **She requested that I write the conversation between Edward and his parents, so you can thank her for that one. :) Hope you enjoy it xxx

Lastly I'd just like to say that this chapter sucked to write. I wrote the whole thing out and just wasn't happy so I deleted it and started from scratch...I'm still not 100% happy with it, but ah well what can you do...Anyway I hope you enjoyed.

xxx Aoife


	21. We're Happy Tonight

_**All things Twilight Belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own nothing...except for Maddie she's all mine :)**_

**Song for this chapter:** "Walking in a winter Wonderland" by Dean Martin.

* * *

><p><strong>B-POV<strong>

I never did get to see Edward that Saturday like I had hoped, instead I spent the entire time Charlie was away finishing my drawing for Edward. Once I finished that I started another, one for Edwards parents. I did it for two reasons:

1. I wanted to repay them for their kindness towards me the other day, for being so accepting of me

2. Because Edward or rather Esme had invited me to spend Christmas at the Cullen house.

I didn't know Esme and Carlisle very well, so I didn't really know what I could buy them. I figured they would appreciate something that I put time and effort into, something one of a kind just for them; Besides Esme had expressed an interest in seeing my Art.

I was excited to be spending Christmas with Edward, this would be our first holiday together, as we were apart for thanksgiving because we weren't dating that long and I decided it was important for me to spend it with just Charlie on his own.

The day's leading up to Christmas were spent shopping for gifts: Charlie's and the rest of the Cullen's. It was extremely hard to buy gifts for everyone, I wanted to buy something meaningful for everyone but at the same time I didn't know everyone that well, so I didn't want something too personal. I eventually found what I was looking for.

The day before Christmas Eve…the eve of Christmas Eve I suppose, was spent with just Charlie and me. It was nice, relaxing, we sat in the living room and watched baseball and ate pizza. Was it my idea of a fantastic time…no but really I was just happy to spend time with Charlie; I could have cared less what we were doing as long as we were together.

In all honesty though it didn't really feel like Christmas was coming, Charlie wasn't big on decorations, he'd made a bit of an effort by buying a little miniature tree, and I mean really miniature. I appreciated it though because I knew he'd done it for me. Charlie never was big on Christmas that was always more of my Renee's thing.

As for the Cullen's, well Charlie's bare house was a stark contrast to the Cullen's, where Charlie's had a tiny tree, the Cullen's had a massive one, nearly seven foot in height. Its decorations were gold and a few were clearly handmade by children: Alice, Edward and Emmett I would imagine. It was strung with fairy lights that reflected off the decorations of beads and crystals. It was of course perfectly arranged.

It was elegant yet homely and I knew that Esme must have been the one to do it. As for the rest of the house, well it was clear that Alice had a hand in that. Everywhere I looked I saw fairy lights, mistletoe, and holly, red and gold ribbon. It looked as if Santa himself had come and threw up…I loved it.

I spent Christmas Eve in the Cullen house. How had I managed to convince Charlie to allow that? You ask. Well the truth is I hadn't really, not fully anyway. I'd asked and he had frowned, I'd explained the situation and told him that it was Esme and not Edward that had invited…that wasn't completely true but honestly there was no way I was ever going to tell Charlie that Edward wanted me to spend the night more than Esme ever would.

At first he'd said no and I wasn't going to push him, I knew when Charlie set his mind to something there was no changing it.

"Bells, I've got this Christmas off work, you know that rarely happens, so I want to spent this Christmas together, just me and you." That was his argument and I couldn't disagree with it.

I'd resigned myself to tell Edward that I wouldn't be spending Christmas with him, however not two days after my conversation with Charlie did he receive a phone call that changed our plans.

I knew as soon as he hung up the phone that something was wrong.

"Bells, that was Mark, one of the deputies, his wife has gone into labor and he won't be able to work over the holidays. I have to go in I don't have a choice." I have to say I was a little bit disappointed, I was starting to like the idea of spending Christmas with my dad.

"It's okay dad, I understand. Really, I'll be fine on my own." I tried to reassure. Charlie frowned.

"I don't want you to spend Christmas alone Bella…If the Cullen's offer still stands, I suppose you could go." He shrugged. After that I didn't feel so disappointed.

That was what led me to the Cullen's house and as we sat around the fire and Carlisle read "The night before Christmas, I couldn't help but feel delighted that they had included me. I'm sure Christmas would have been terrible on my own.

That thought led me to think about things I really shouldn't have, Christmas as a child, with Daniel. It was in that very moment that it struck me. I was never going to spend another Christmas with Daniel.

For some reason this thought hurt more than the thought of not another birthday or thanksgiving or Halloween with Daniel. I can't explain why it did. Perhaps it was because as children we thought there nothing better than the Idea of Christmas and Santa and all the magic that went with it.

Perhaps it was the idea that never again would we stay in our rooms, awake until all hours of the night until we heard mum head to bed before sneaking into each other's rooms and fight to stay awake so we could hear Santa on the roof, until eventually we couldn't keep our eyes open any longer.

Maybe it was just one of those days were I missed him for no reason at all, I don't know but what I do know is that it suddenly felt as if the world had turned upside down and nothing would ever be right again.

As Carlisle read "Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night." A single tear slipped out of my eye, another one was about to follow.

I stood up abruptly to go to the bathroom and I heard Esme gasp.

"Bella dear, what's wrong?" I was about to lose it, I needed to get away now before I made an even bigger fool of myself.

"I'm sorry Esme." I murmured as I all but ran from the room. I heard someone stand up as if to follow.

"No Mom, don't. I'll go." I heard Edward whisper gently. Once I was upstairs and behind the closed door I let loose. I sobbed so hard my shoulders shook. I kept my hand over my mouth to try and keep quiet. A gentle knock on the door interrupted.

"Love, it's me open the door please." II didn't hesitate to fling the door open. Edward stood there with furrowed brow, looking all concerned and as soon as he had stepped through and closed the door behind him he pulled me into his arms.

I sobbed harder, just letting go. I knew I could with Edward. He pulled me to the toilet seat and closed the lid before sitting down and pulling me into his lap. I was surrounded by him and the comfort it provided was brilliant like hiding under the covers as a child, knowing that as long as you stayed right there you were safe. With Edward I was safe.

He stroked my hair and shushed me gently. Every now and then he would whisper comforting words in my ear. "You're safe, I've got you, I love you so much Bella." It didn't take long for me to calm down.

"I miss him so much." I whispered, clutching to Edwards shirt.

"I know you do. It'll be okay Bella." I didn't know if I believed him.

"How…It's been months and I'm still crying all the time, What if I never stop feeling like this. He is never coming back." Edward squeezed me to him tightly.

"No He isn't coming back Bella but he isn't completely gone either. He's still in here." He said pointing to my head.

"And here." He added, gently laying his hand atop my heart.

"You can't lose that baby, that's yours forever and it's okay to be sad. To want to cry all the time. My parents are dead a long time and there are still moments when I want to cry. It's normal to be a little depressed but if you feel that it's too much and you can't cope then you need to ask someone for help. I'm here." He whispered gently.

I loved him so much. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged tight.

"Your family must think I'm insane." He laughed at my change of conversation.

"No they don't they'll understand." I froze when he said that.

"Did you tell them?"

"No, Bella no. I wouldn't do that without your permission." He rushed. I nodded feeling foolish for having doubted him.

"I did tell my parents that you had lost someone close to you, but that's all. I didn't say anything else."

"Thank you."

"I do think you should tell them soon though. They may be able to help you, especially Esme." I agreed with him, I think Esme would be an excellent person to confide in.

"I will tell them but not now…Not during Christmas." I explained.

"I understand, are you okay to go back downstairs?" He asked palming my cheek with his hand.

I nodded yes, before taking a deep breath and standing to look in the mirror. He grabbed my hand and together we walked back to the rest of the Cullen's.

We spent the remainder of Christmas Eve around the fire with popcorn and movies. After the kids were put to bed we started placing all of the present under…and around the tree.

It was nearing one O' Clock by the time we finally got to bed. I fully expected Esme to lead me to a spare bedroom and to say I was surprised when she left Edward and I outside his room was an understatement.

"Good Night you two, try to get some sleep. We'll be up bright and early in the morning no doubt." She pulled me into a gentle hug before heading off down the hall and into her own bedroom.

I turned to look at Edward, my mouth agape. He chuckled.

"We're both adults here Bella. Esme and Carlisle don't have a problem with us sleeping in the same bed." I closed my mouth.

"Wish I could say the same for Charlie, somehow I think you would be sleeping on the doorstep before he let you into my bed."

"Come on." He grinned, pulling by the hand towards his bed.

I glanced around the room. It was similar to his room at his apartment, the same color scheme as well as the family photos. I immediately felt at home. Beside the bed sat my backpack which contained my pajamas and toiletries. I picked it up and waved it on front of Edward.

"Bathroom?"

"Through that door." He nodded towards a door on the opposite side of the room.

I didn't bother having a shower, not really in the mood and far too eager to get back to Edward. So I simply put on my pajamas brushed my teeth and washed my face before exiting the bathroom.

The sight of Edward in nothing but a pair of boxers made me freeze in my tracks. His head shot up and he smirked, obviously seeing my staring…not to mention my flushed face.

He walked passed me and opened one of the drawers of a dresser and pulled out a white t-shirt before pulling it on over his head. For some reason I found him putting on a shirt just as sexy as him shirtless.

He walked back towards the bed and pulled back the cover before turning to look at me.

"Are you coming?"

I blushed realizing that I hadn't moved from the same spot and that I was still staring. I nodded, too embarrassed to speak.

I slipped under the soft cotton covers of Edward's bed and snuggled up. He reached over and switched off the lamp before wrapping his arm around me. It wasn't long before I fell into a deep sleep surrounded by Edward.

Esme wasn't kidding when she said we would be up early the next morning. I awoke to squeals and a weight on my chest. My eyes shot open to see Maddie lying on top of me, as soon as she realized I was awake she started bouncing and squealing.

"Santa came, Santa came. Come on Bella you has to get up." I heard a groan from beside me and turned to see Edward with his head buried under his pillow.

"…Too goddamn early." He muttered. I chuckled looking over at the alarm clock on the bed side table.

5:30 am.

"Uncle Eddie, Santa came. Comes on we have to get our toys." Maddie shouted climbing off me and onto Edward.

Edward pretended to be asleep, doing loud noisy snores. Maddie laughed. She then started to shake Edward as hard as her little arms could.

"Edword, stop being silly, Santa say's you have to wake up if you want to have presents." I chuckled at her, while Edward fake groaned.

He lay still for a second, eyes closed with Maddie sitting on his stomach. Just as Maddie was about to commence shaking him again, he sat up abruptly grabbed Maddie by the waist and jumped out of bed, throwing Maddie up in the air and catching her. She squealed with light peals of laughter.

"That's what you get for waking me up early Maddie moo." He continued to throw her in the air.

"Uncle Edword, you better stop before my tummy gets sic on you." I couldn't help but chuckle… I would have paid to see the expression on Edward's face as she covered him with puke.

But alas, he put her down on her feet.

"Go downstairs and start on your presents, we'll get dressed and be down soon." Edward ordered shaking Maddie's hair.

She sped out of the room like a light and I could hear the thump of her little feet as she raced down the stairs.

"She's too cute." I smiled at Edward.

He smiled at me before pulling me in for a kiss.

"Happy Christmas Bella." He whispered.

"Merry Christmas." I answered through another kiss.

We eventually managed to pull ourselves apart and get dressed before heading down stairs to start on presents.

The Cullen's had an entire routine planned out, although why that surprised me I can't say, I should have seen it coming with Esme's attention to detail, not to mention Alice's insane need to plan everything till it's perfect.

We started off with presents first. First we watched Maddie open her presents from Santa, then Carlisle and Esme gave their presents to everyone. Esme had given me a copy of Edwards baby-teen years photographs all placed in a beautiful handmade album (I loved it, Edward whined to Esme, asking "how could you do that to me?"

Carlisle bought me a dress that looked pretty damn expensive…although I'd imagine that Esme had more to do with buying the dress than Carlisle. They went around the entire family until they ran out.

Emmett and Rosalie went next, they got me a t-shirt that says Bella Bee and had a picture of a bumble bee with my face photo shopped on. I'd say that one was Emmett's doing, regardless I was in stitches laughing, jokingly telling Emmett that I would never wear it while secretly dying to try it on. I didn't fool him, he knew I loved it.

Alice and Jasper got me clothes, courtesy of Alice of course. A beautiful white sundress and a pale blue cashmere cardigan to go with it, they looked pretty expensive and guessing by the feel of the material I'm sure they were.

Edward bought me two things; an art pad, which wasn't just any old art pad but one that was clearly expensive, it was a bound hardcover and the cover was decorated in multicolored motifs. The second thing he had bought me was leather bound journal and an expensive fountain tip pen, when I opened the journal it read.

_To Bella, my love, my life._

_-Edward xoxo._

"I thought you might like to start writing, anything at; all stories, poems or maybe you could even use it as a diary" he shrugged shyly.

I reached over and pulled him into a hug "I love it, thank you."

He simply rubbed my back in reply. I pulled back and smiled. It was my turn to hand out presents; I must admit I was a little nervous. _What if they didn't like my gifts?_

I handed Esme and Carlisle theirs first: I painted a picture of the two of them. Carlisle stood behind Esme with his arms wrapped around her waist and he gazed down at her and she looked up at him, utter love and devotion in both of their expressions. I hoped that I could do them justice but I doubt I would ever have the skill to capture the strength of their love, it just wasn't possible.

Esme got teary eyed when she first saw it; clutching me to her chest…I guess she liked it.

Buying presents I discovered was a lot more difficult than creating them.

After a lot of fretting I finally bought Rosalie a voucher for a manicure and pedicure at a Spa. She just had I baby and I suspected she was probably tired and would appreciate the break, although with it being Rosalie I doubted she'd appreciate anything that came from me.

I was pleasantly surprised when she mumbled sincere thanks when I gave her the gift.

I got Emmett a DVD of some new action movie that him and Edward kept talking about the day of the BBQ, I also bought him a pair of SpongeBob pajamas because Edward had told me that Emmett loved SpongeBob...I could totally picture Emmett in his SpongeBob pajamas eating cereal and watching SpongeBob on the weekends.

Edward told me that Jasper had an obsession with all things Civil war, so I bought him a series of Discovery documentary DVDs on the Civil war that I hoped he hadn't seen before. He assured me he hadn't.

Alice was trickier. She was into all things fashion...more specifically designer fashion. The only problem was there was no way I could afford to buy something that expensive.

Thankfully Edward came up with the idea to both join together to get her a gift. We ended up buying her some Louis Vuitton Handbag that the sales lady assured us she would like. It cost a fortune and I could hardly afford to pay for half of it.

Edward paid for the remainder, although I suspect that Edward had so much money that buying the handbag by himself wouldn't have been a problem but there was no way in hell I was going to let him do it.

I spent a long time thinking of a gift for Maddie and Harry, I wanted something fun but at the same time practical because I mean, kids always get a load of useless toys at Christmas time. They'll play with them once and then never again. I wanted something great.

For Harry I bought a book made from soft materials, it had different animals from the zoo in all sorts of bright colors and different textures and materials.

I thought he'd like it and I was thinking that maybe Edward and I could bring the two of them to the zoo one day; this would help him learn all the different animals. I also bought him a little tiny pair of converse. I pretty much live in my converse and when I saw the baby pair I had to buy them.

For Maddie I bought a Mermaid Barbie, I made sure to ask Alice if she had one already, she didn't. I also bought her a little art set. It was a small little wooden box and it had everything that a young artist would need, paint's, crayons, pencils and so on. Art was something that was a part of me and I hoped that maybe Maddie would find the same amount of enjoyment as I did.

She squealed when she saw the art set and asked me to help her paint and draw later on. I promised I would.

Edward gift was trickiest of all, I had of course already finished the drawing of the two of us and I got that framed but I wanted to get him something else as well. It took a whole lot of stress before I found it; it was sitting in the window of an antique shop.

It was a pen; I know what you're thinking…_a pen seriously?_ But it wasn't just any pen; it was a fountain tip pen and was black with white stripes painted on to make it look like a piano. It stood on a stand in the window and there beside it sat black leather bound notebook for composing music.

As soon as I saw it I recalled seeing the piano in Edwards's house and him telling me he doesn't play as often as he would like. Esme had mentioned that he used to not only play but also compose. I was thinking maybe he just needed an excuse to play.

The gift just felt right, it felt like Edward so I bought it and it wasn't by any means cheap. I could have bought an ordinary pen in the shop down the street and it would have been less than have of the price, but that wasn't the point. The money didn't matter.

He loved both gifts, but especially the Drawing of the two of us. I know it meant a lot to him that I had not only shared my art work with him but that I had produced a piece just for him. He promised to hang it in his bedroom.

I'd given Charlie his present already, I'd bought him some new fishing gear…it was slightly selfish of me, I'm ashamed to say that I bought it in the hopes that he might go fishing more often which meant I would see more of Edward.

But hey, it made him happy, it made Edward happy and it most certainly made me happy…it was a win, win situation.

After all the presents were opened and the living room was completely covered in discarded wrapping paper, I moved into the kitchen to help Esme with Christmas dinner; despite her protests.

I wanted to help; besides it made me feel like I was even more a part of the family. I smiled to myself hearing the squeals and giggles of Maddie as her and Edward played with her presents in the living room.

I was happy, I couldn't believe it, and without Daniel I thought this was going to be the worst Christmas ever but instead it was turning out to be one of the best. I had the Cullen's to thank for that…I had Edward to thank for making me so happy.

Eventually I ran out of tasks to do in the kitchen and Esme sent me out with a swish of her hand. I walked towards the sounds of Maddie's giggles, knowing that was where I'd more than likely find Edward. I was right of course and what I saw made me freeze in my tracks.

There Edward sat on the floor beside Maddie with a paintbrush in his hand as he stared intently at the children's easel on front of him.

I couldn't help but admire his furrowed brows and his little tongue that stuck out slightly in concentration.

I moved my eyes towards the paper which he was staring so intensely at. I tried not to guffaw, or gasp or burst out laughing, I really did but in trying to do so, I made a strangled sound which sounded like something a donkey would come out with.

Edward turned towards the sound immediately, and upon seeing that I was trying not to laugh he scowled.

"What Bella, it's not like we can all be great artists like you; lots of people are excellent painters." He said snippily.

I held my laughs in…just barely.

"I know that Edward but come on…I mean that, it's just, I mean…." I trailed of not knowing what to say.

Upon seeing his expression turn sad, I started to feel guilty, I tried to back pedal.

"Well really, it isn't so bad...its…different. Not bad at all for a beginner, you'll get better with practice. It's a great painting of a man sitting on a bench." I rushed, Edwards frown only deepened.

"It's supposed to be Maddie riding a unicorn." He mumbled. _…__Oh_

"Really…Well now that you mention it…yeah I can totally see it's a unicorn." Edward stood up from the floor and walked towards me.

"I mean, your so talented at so many other things so it doesn't matter if it's not amazing, plus unicorns are really hard…I …." Edward's lips interrupted my mutterings.

He pulled back with a smirk.

"Baby it's okay, you can admit that its terrible." He nodded.

"What, no, you're no terrible." I answered. He raised an eyebrow.

"Well…Okay yeah you are really bad." I giggled. He smiled at me.

"But it's okay because I have you to paint unicorns for any of our kids."

I blushed. Edward wanted children…he wanted children with me. I smiled goofily.

Maddie interrupted our moment.

"Auntie Bella, come paint wif me, Eddie is no good." I threw my head back and laughed as Edward scowled again. You know it's bad when a small child tells you that you can't draw for shit.

I walked towards Maddie and sat down, removing Edwards painting from the Easel, determined to keep it for myself.

"What will I paint?" I turned to Maddie.

She scratched her chin and "Hmm'd" loudly.

"I wanna see me like Barbie." She demanded.

"Barbie, right." I said nodded, determined to do it, Maddie was not going to get some half assed stick figures, I was going to do a portrait from the waist up, wearing pink and maybe I'd even add some glitter.

I pulled out the oil paints, not wanting to use water color like Edward had. I squirted the required colors onto the palette and got mixing before starting to work.

I explained things to Edward and Maddie as I went along, they both seemed enthralled. I'm sure that Maddie didn't understand half of the things I was explaining but she acted interested anyway.

Edward was curious, constantly asking questions about this and that.

"It's called glazing, where you put one layer of paint over another, the paint is slightly transparent so the bottom color shows through the top color. It adds a better sense of tone and dept." I answered Edward as he questioned why I was painting over previous colors I'd already painted.

He nodded in understanding.

"You're really good at this you know!" He stated.

"Painting?" I asked.

"Well yeah of course but that's not what I meant, you're a great teacher." He smiled.

"Really? Thank you, I like teaching other people, helping them to understand art better." I smiled happy that he thought I was doing a good job.

"Have you ever thought of maybe having a career as an art teacher or something?" He questioned.

"I never really thought about it." I answered truthfully.

"Well you should, you'd be great."

I smiled, I could picture myself working in a classroom, teaching children to paint and draw and be free.

Before I could think any more on the subject Esme yelled from the dining room.

"Dinner's ready." I heard everyone rushing towards the dining room and I put the art supplies away before standing up and taking Edward's hand, heading into the dining room.

Dinner was amazing. Esme was the best cook I'd ever seen and the amount of food she made was ridiculous. I was so stuffed after it that I could hardly move, I forced myself to stand up and pick up my plate, getting ready to clear the table.

"Bella Swan, don't you dare think of cleaning any of that." Esme almost growled from across the table.

"You helped me cook, it's up to the boys to do the dishes, those are the rules." I nodded, setting my plate back down reluctantly, not wanting to offend Esme.

We chatted for a while around the table as the boys cleaned up. Rose even spoke to me once or twice, it was short and awkward but at least she was making an effort.

When the dishes were done Edward and myself returned to the living room to finish off the remainder of the painting, I got so into it that I didn't realize right away that everyone had joined us to look at me paint.

I blushed when I noticed them all staring before forcing myself to focus on the painting.

That's the way we spent most of the afternoon, painting laughing and listening to Christmas music. It was brilliant.

I finally finished the painting, making sure to write "Maddie Barbie" in big Glittery lettering at the top of the canvas.

Maddie nearly passed out with excitement. I managed to remind her that it would take a long time to dry because of the type of paint, that she would have to be very careful before I gently placed it in her tiny hands.

She rushed over to Rosalie.

"Mama Look, look what Auntie Bella did, it's me. I'm Maddie Barbie." She explained excitedly.

Rosalie gently took the canvas from her hands.

"I do see it's very pretty, we'll have to buy a frame and hang it in your bedroom, what do you think?"

Maddie nodded enthusiastically.

Rosalie turned to face me.

"Thank you Bella, it's very beautiful" She gave a small smile.

I managed to get over my shock and reply with a polite "your welcome"

It wasn't until later that night that I managed to discover what changed Rosalie's mind about me, or at least made her act nicer.

"I had a talk with her Bella." Edward explained as we got ready for bed that night. I frowned not liking the idea that Edward may have given out to Rosalie.

"I just explained to her that I loved you, how much you mean to me." He said softly. I melted when he said he loved me. I smiled shyly.

"I love you too." I nodded.

"I just don't want her to pretend to like me just because she doesn't want to upset you." I told him honestly.

"I know." He said sitting back on the bed and pulling me close to him.

"I can assure that isn't it, Rosalie doesn't pretend to like anyone, if she was doing it for me, she would at most remain silent and ignore you, She went out of her way to thank you and talk to you. It shows she is trying and that's all her." He smiled.

"Besides, she never hated you; she was worried about me, that I would get hurt. Rose is fiercely protective of the ones she loves. She knows you now and can see that you would never hurt me, the same way I'd never hurt you." He added.

I snuggled into his side, inhaling his scent. Content to be in his arms.

I was happy that Rosalie was trying to be nice to me; it gave me hope that perhaps in the future we could be friends; I'd like that very much.

"Thank you for making this a great Christmas Edward." I whispered.

"No Bella, Thank you for making these the best few months of my life." He hugged me tighter.

"Ditto." I murmured sleepily, utterly content with where I was. I couldn't remember ever being as happy and as content as I was in that moment, not even before when Daniel was alive.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Well here it is, I know I know it's a little early for Christmas but you'll just have to get over it and pretend today is Christmas.

Sorry for the late update, who knew college was so busy, especially studying English and Art History, it seems all I do is read books and write essay's. Not to mention we have been doing Chaucer in my English Lit module...total godamn mind fuck...I signed up for English not gibberish but hey it comes in handy whenever someone says "You're studying English, isn't that a little easy"...I just shove Chaucer in their face and am like "Bet you feel stupid now! Huh?"

Anyhow enough of my ranting...hope you enjoyed.

_Reviews would be awesome...they make me feel giddy just like riding unicorns :)_


	22. IMPORTANT!

Hi everyone its Aoife aka CaRpE DiEm

My life has been extremely hectic these past few months with college and just life in general and as a result I have struggled to find the time to write any new chapters, this added to the fact that recently my heart just hasn't been in writing this story means I will no longer be posting any new chapters for "Live and Learn."

However this story means a lot to me and I made a promise to you all that this story **WOULD** **be completed**. For this reason an extremely kind and devoted reader as well as an excellently talented writer (Markie) has agreed to continue this story. She cares deeply about this story and for this reason I know that she is the perfect person to finish "Live and Learn".

I urge you all to follow the link to_** Markie's page that is on my profile**_**!**

She informs me she plans to begin updating soon and I have no doubt that her continuation of this story will be excellent.

I apologise if anyone feels that I have let them down, I assure you that was not my intention. I just felt that this story deserved a writer who could dedicate the time to it that it deserved and unfortunately at this moment in my life I cannot do so. I felt that handing this story over to another writer was the right thing to do and I hope you will agree with me.

As for now I will be leaving this story up but my intention is to eventually remove it from this site.

Thank you so much to everyone who read and reviewed this story I cannot put into words how grateful I am towards you all, feel free to message me with any questions or if you just want to have a chat!

Thanks again,

Aoife xoxo


End file.
